Poochy tummies and big thighs

August 25, 2014 mahamabidtalent 2 Comments

How do I get lean but small legs? How do I lose stomach fat? What do I eat to lose weight? How do I slim my calves? My quads? How much do you weigh? How many calories do you eat? How many hours do you workout? What types of exercises do you recommend?

Initially, this post was going to consist of me answering your frequently asked questions. However, as I got to thinking about the FAQs from all of you, I was hit with a glaring reality: the most requested blog posts/questions are usually regarding fitness. Getting even more specific, most of the questions within the fitness field are about how to change one’s appearance.

On the surface, this interest seems like admirable curiosity and dedicated ambition to improving oneself, however, the magnitude and fierceness behind the need for fitness “answers” is unsettling. Why is there such FEROCITY behind girls wanting to get rid of that problem spot, or fix their appearance? And do that all in the least amount of time?

Don’t get me wrong! The desire to improve upon oneself is certainly commendable and praiseworthy, however, the panicked INTENSITY behind changing who we CURRENTLY are is troubling and abnormal. I am not trying to isolate the girls who have asked me questions, as I am one of you! I am guilty of doing the same exact thing! I have spent hours upon hours researching how to “slim down bulky quads” or “lose baby fat”, or get rid of acne scars. I am guilty of the same deed. The reason for this post is to address this dangerous and critical epidemic that has infected so many women, including myself.

We have become contaminated with inaccurate information that tells us that we are not good enough. Turn on the TV and look at our commercials. There are ads trying to persuade us to get that cream and cleanser to fix our skin so that we can “gain confidence”; there are companies pushing us to invest in the newest supplements or body wraps so that we can jump-start our weight loss journey; because clearly, there is a scientific correlation between decreasing weight and increased happiness. ~~Right?~~ WRONG.

The entire realm of commercialism invests billions of dollars in attempting to brainwash us into believing that happiness can be bought. If we just had that perfect cream to cure our skin,the perfect supplement to help us lose weight, or the perfect book to change our lives, we would be happy! And, look at our companies. They are bent on trying to convince us that THEY have magically formulated the “perfect” item that is going to give us everything we have ever wanted.

Its absolutely heartbreaking.

It is truly unfortunate to comprehend how deeply these elusive expectations have infected my life. It’s the same sentence OVER AND OVER again, : “I will be good enough when…” …when I get my Ph.d, when the children I don’t even have yet tell me I’m a good mother, when I’m able to complete a marathon, when I have the perfect body, clear skin, etc.

What about now? Why am I not valuable enough to be loved now? I am a work in progress and I will always remain a work in progress. Does that make me invaluable or unlovable?—No, that makes me human.

This brings me back to the numerous questions about fitness—particularly, using fitness to change something that we don’t like about ourselves. We get so stuck in trying to fix what’s wrong with us that we never even stop to figure out why we feel unhappy. What do we not like about ourselves? What makes us unlovable?

We may not like the way we look–we may despise something about our physique or appearance. Some of us may loathe our tendencies–the way we feel, the negative thinking patterns we’ve acquired. Others of us may not be at peace with our behaviors–the things we have done in our lives, the things we may still be doing, the hurt we have caused to ourselves and others. Futhermore, we may be dissatisfed with our circumstances–our career situations, and our relationships.

I get it. It’s not always easy to like yourself. But, when did “being yourself” become such a taboo? Who decreed that we must be in constant competition with one another? So often, I feel as if my life is lost in trying to “conform” to societal norms better than everyone else. Sure, society thinks that helping people is great, but I want to be better than you at making other people feel better. HUH?!?!

And so commences, the dangerously fickle competition.

What if you could love yourself, exactly as you are? Without changing even one thing?

What is holding you back from doing that?

If you really trace it back, it is not the thing you’re bent on changing about yourself. Those muscular quads, the pimples, receding hairlines, odd-shaped noses, the “fat rolls”–these are not the things that are TRULY holding you back. What is, however, holding you back is the self-defeating BELIEF that ~~YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT to be LOVABLE, HAPPY and OKAY.~~

You don’t.

You can be comfortable with who you are, even if you have imperfections. And even more so, other people can be happy with you too, despite your various imperfections! We are all imperfect. We are all insecure about one thing or the other. Though we may struggle differently, we struggle nonetheless. We know what it feels like to be ashamed, scared of judgement, unhappy, dissatisfied and isolated. Whether we want to be or not, we are connected with one another.

I want us to ACCEPT ourselves exactly as we are. Will you do something with me? Will you aid me in putting a hiatus in the endless cycle of panicked “fixing” “picking” “prodding” “calculating”?

“I love and accept myself exactly as I am, and in doing so, I accept the world and other people exactly as they are.”

Repeat that to yourself, as many times as necessary. Repeat it, even if you don’t believe it yet.

Accept it. You’ve got a lumpy tummy, a big nose, horrible acne, noticeable hyperpigmentation, panic attacks, a stress disorder, a mental illness, a physical illness, thighs that touch, clothes that don’t fit, a list of people you’ve hurt, things that you regret. Accept all of it.

Accept it. And, now, stop looking at it.

It is really the looking, relooking, and oh–that one more look that is killing you. Hush. End it. It is there. Yes, you have an odd-shaped nose. Yes, you are overweight. Yes, your face has pimples. Yes, you really did let that partner get away. Recognize it. See it. And let it be. It is there.

Chances are, it is still going to be there the next 50 times you check too. In conducting this neverending recalculating, looking, remeasuring, and re-analyzing, we all inadvertently MAGNIFY our imperfections and insecurities. Some of us magnify them to the point that when we look in the mirrors that is ALL we see. And, we begin to fearfully fret that THAT is all others see too.

It’s okay. Let them see it.

Accept it all.

It is there.

Let it BE.

And, shift your focus to something else.

By accepting and letting things “be”, you are releasing the WORRY associated with your imperfections, not the imperfection itself. It is all okay. You are not going to become a lazy slug and not get anything done. You are not going to turn into a failing student because you’ve “accepted” that your grades are a certain way. You are not going to gain 300 lbs overnight because you’ve “accepted” that you are currently overweight. You are not going to end up in a mental asylum because you’ve “accepted” that you are currently suffering from clinical depression.

KNOW and BELIEVE that you are going to work from this place. “Rock bottom” is going to become a SOLID and DURABLE foundation to build the rest of your beautiful life upon. You are not going to slip into mediocrity. You don’t have to be uncomfortable with who you are to improve on the person you want to be! Contrary to popular belief, those things are not mutually exclusive. They CAN and DO work together. You CAN be comfortable with what you have, while working towards something better.

You are freaking awesome, but you are going to keep becoming even more awesome-er with each passing day!

❤

Fitness

CARDIO: all you need to know!

August 19, 2014 mahamabidtalent 5 Comments

I have had numerous questions regarding which types of cardio to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc. But, the most FREQUENTLY ASKED question I have been asked is some form of the following:

Will cardio bulk me up/pack on excessive muscle in the legs/help me lose muscle/help me lose fat/help me lose weight?

The answer is: yes and no. It depends.

Before getting into further discussion, please note that I am not a nutritionist or physical trainer. I do have a degree in biological sciences (pre-med track), so I can pull on from things I’ve learned regarding human muscular anatomy and physiology.

Alright, let’s first talk about what “bulk” is. When we talk about “bulking up”, we’re talking about gaining muscle. In human anatomy and physiology, we had several opportunities to observe cross-sections of muscles. What we found, in simple terms, is that there is far more to muscle than just protein. There is also water stored in muscles, as well as some carbohydrate (preserved in the form of glycogen).

So, simply put:

MUSCLE = protein + glycogen + water + other stuff.

What does this mean in terms of muscle loss/muscle gain?

If you have just started doing low-moderate intensity cardio, and simultaneously reduced your caloric intake, you may notice changes in just a few weeks. HOWEVER, you are probably not losing true muscle, or the protein part of the muscle. You are losing the other stuff by depleting glycogen stores, and water. These can be easily restored once refeeding begins. Consequently, this weight loss is not permanent.

If you have been doing HIIT, sprints, and/or participating in a strength training regimen, and you find that you are rapidly “gaining” muscle, you are most likely not gaining true muscle. It is probably due to these two things: 1) water retention, as water can leak through microtears within the muscle fibers or 2) Inflammation.

In summary, true muscle (protein) loss/ gain takes closer to a month to few months 😉

Alright, alright! So now onto some of the most common questions asked:

What type of cardio do I do to lose muscle?
What type of cardio do I do to keep my lean muscle but lose fat?
What type of cardio do I do to lose errything?

Question #3

Alright, FIRST, lets start by answering the last question. In order to LOSE anything, you need to have a caloric deficit. This means, that you should be consuming less than you are burning. The caloric deficit can be small-large. It can also be created via exercise alone, and diet alone, however, the largest deficits are created through a combination of exercise and watchfulness in diet. That is why they say that weight loss is most effective when you eat less, and exercise more.

Calories In – Calories Out = -(number) for weight loss.

In terms of losing “things”, our body loses both fat and muscle when we are on a caloric deficit. We cannot exclusively choose losses from one or the other; I’m sorry but anyone that tells you otherwise needs to take a basic physiology/anatomy course. Combined with a deficit, there ARE, however, certain forms of exercises that promote fat loss while maintaining muscle mass. There are also certain forms of exercise that promote an overall weight loss (both fat and muscle).

the only type of "spot training" that exists is on dalmations ;) — the only type of “spot training” that exists is on dalmations 😉

Question #2

The answer to this question is going to be the most confusing, so please read closely! You want to keep your lean muscle mass, but you want to lose fat?

If you read the answer to the question before, you will know that it is not possible to lose ONLY fat. There will be muscle loss, but there are ways to minimize it. In another words, there are certain exercises that help preserve muscle mass, while allowing for fat loss.

Let’s begin by talking about the makeup of the muscle. I’m sure that most of you have probably heard the terms Type I and Type II fibers. Our muscles are made up of certain ratios of both types of fibers.

I think both bodies, and all bodies are beautiful. It really is up to personal preference.

Type 1 Fibers (Left)

Type 1 fibers are called “slow-twitch” fibers. These fibers contain more mitochondria than the Type II ones. They produce energy for us to do our workouts by a process known as oxidative phosphorylation. What does this mean? Basically, it means that these types of fibers NEED a consistent stream of OXYGEN in order to efficiently provide energy for movement.

Aerobic = presence of oxygen

These are the types of fibers we use when we are, let’s say, standing up for long periods of time, when we are walking in a park for an hour, when we are moving around the house etc. These fibers are fatigue resistant because there is tons of oxygen present for them to utilize. When we train these types of fibers, we gain stamina and endurance WITHOUT necessarily gaining the size. (esthetically petite look, the picture on the left)

So what does this mean in terms of exercises? Low-moderate intensity cardio such as walking, jogging, and doing the elliptical trainer promotes the growth of these types of slow-twitch fibers. Because doing these types of exercises is not as strenuous on the body, you are not huffing and puffing for air, and you are not out of breath. If you are not out of breath, there should be more or less, a steady stream of oxygen going in through your nose, and eventually through your blood stream allowing the oxygen to be utilized in producing energy for movement.

Type II fibers (right)

Type II fibers are called fast twitch fibers. These are the ones that do not contain nearly as many mitochondria as the Type I’s. Because they don’t possess as many mitochondria, they do not utilize as much oxygen for producing movement. These types of fibers are able to produce energy WITHOUT using oxygen.

Anaerobic = without oxygen

But don’t we need oxygen to live? Um yes. So how long do you think you can train these muscles without oxygen? NOT LONG. They produce short-duration contractions because they cannot sustain activity without oxygen forever. They also fatigue easily because they are being forced to contract in the presence of LITTLE oxygen. Think rapid JUMPING movements and body-builder strength training. These get you out of breath really fast, and you are dead tired after a few reps. When we train these types of fibers, while

eating at maintenance (calories in = calories out): we are more likely to preserve lean mass and have some fat loss.
eating at a surplus (calories in > calories out): we are likely to gain strength and size in mass.
eating at a deficit (calories in < calories out) : we are likely to get injured!

So, in short, if you are WANTING to preserve or gain lean muscle mass, and enhance fat loss, you should try HIIT.

High intensity interval training or HIIT for short, is a great way to add cardio into your routine and not spend 30 minutes-hours at the gym. The main goal of HIIT is to give you the benefits of traditional cardio without sacrificing muscle mass. Studies have shown an increase in anaerobic activity using HIIT when compared to traditional steady state cardio.

Remember anaerobic = without oxygen = activate Type II fibers = are responsible for gains in muscle mass, in the presence of a caloric surplus, and are responsible for muscle MAINTENANCE, in the presence of caloric maintenance.

Link to the study: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16541371

To maximize muscle growth, exercise must stimulate fast-twitch fibers (picture on the right).

Question #1

What about if you have put on more muscle than you like, and would like to reduce muscle size? I’m going to really emphasize this point again. We cannot “lose muscle” only. We lose weight.

Weight = water + organs + muscle + bones + fat + blood + inflammation + wastes

So, the better question is “How can we MAXIMIZE muscle loss?”

Well, lets go back to what we were talking about at the beginning of this blog post.

MUSCLE = protein + glycogen + water + other stuff.

So, it takes TIME (months) to lose TRUE MUSCLE (ie; the protein part). The first few drops on the scale are flukes because they are losses in glycogen/water/other stuff. These can easily be restored. Now, in order to lose muscle, we need to reduce strength training, and INCREASE long duration low-moderate intensity cardio!

It is VERY very VERY hard for our bodies to lose muscle. They do not want to do this naturally, and that is why it is so essential that we do LONG DURATION cardio (30-45 minutes, 4-5x a week).

When we aredoing aerobic cardio (in the presence of oxygen), we first burn through the local carbohydrate stores (the glycogen part of the muscle). Only AFTER these stores are depleted, do we start to burn some of the true muscle, or protein. The liver begins to release glucose into the blood stream for the muscles to burn through. It takes the average person about 2 HOURS OF exercise to reach a state of total glycogen depletion.

Yeah. That’s a long time. Do you have time to spend two hours at the gym a day? Yeah. Me neither. That is why having a caloric deficit is SO important! it is very tough to lose muscle through changes in excercise alone.

If you are trying to lose muscle, I recommend doing moderate intensity excercise instead of low intensity, because it burns more calories (ie; uses MORE of the energy that the body would use to build muscle, in the first place). This could include jogging elliptical trainer and a cycle (without incline or resistance). Jump roping is good, however, it has to be done for greater than 20 minutes. I personally recommend a combo of these excercises.

I want to end this blog post with something that I found helpful. A study found that if we took two people, one with high levels of body fat, and one with low levels of body fat, and fed them the same low-calorie diet, a greater proportion of the total weight lost in the leaner individual would come from muscle!! So the leaner you are, the more muscle you will lose as weight.

Citation: Hall KD. (2008). What is the required energy deficit per unit weight loss? International Journal of Obesity, 32, 573-576

I hope that this clarifies some of your confusion regarding the relationship between cardio and muscle gain/loss. ❤ Overall, I recommend that everyone performs some sort of cardio most days of the week, because it has great health benefits ❤

I ponder about life...

Lemmi give you a PEACE of my mind!

August 16, 2014 mahamabidtalent 3 Comments

There is so much relief that comes from not fighting the currents of this life. It’s so nice not having to swim against the tide, and instead spend time floating atop the water. Relinquish control and place your trust in the wisdom of this large ocean. I promise its sage, erudite currents will safely deliver you and I to our next magnificent destination.

When I feel that my energy is off balance, I love sitting outside and thinking.

You know the feeling I’m talking about! A certain chakra in your body lets you know that something isn’t right; you may not be able to put your finger on it, but you intuitively feel that something is amiss. We all seem to feel certain things when our core energies are misaligned with that of the magnamonious universe.

However, some of us resort to deal with the resultant anxiety through familiar maladaptive coping mechanisms; there are the obvious ones such as self-harm, substance abuse, eating disorders, and other obsessive-compulsive tendencies. But then, there are the subtle addictions we use to cope–we may drown ourselves in our careers or an activity; we may foster codependency in our intimate relationships; we may inaccurately project our “identity” onto our children; we may become overly dependent on the approval of others…etc.

It is okay if you have used one of the preceding mechanisms to cope before. I have used several. This makes you like the 7 billion others of us ❤ It is human nature to act in a manner that reduces anxiety. So, when faced with these unavoidable distressful feelings, what do we do? What do you do?

I drown in the earth.

Sometimes, I literally build a small “earth castle” around my silhouette, and lay in the earth, allowing my body to absorb its majestic healing energy.

My body, mind and soul seem to function most efficiently when I’m outdoors. Sitting down and having tea with the world allows me to experience some of the most peaceful feelings I have stumbled upon yet. I just sit on the ground and look all around me until I become a mere observer.

Quietly, I survey and inhale all the yummy sounds, sights and smells around me, all the while rejoicing in my delightful contact with Mother Earth. I continue to lovingly enfold in her arms, until I unknowingly abandon the confining box of my biased preconceptions and charged views about the world; I return to a neutral state of “being.”

Life is bigger than me.

I begin to notice the wisdom and beauty of nature all around me and I feel so marvelously miniscule compared to everything else. I realize, then, that I’m just one little girl in this big, big universe–that I will spend my allotted time here and leave this confusing but nevertheless beautiful place, just like all those before me.

I smile and look at the trees, the sky,ground and the grass as I’m endowed with unshakable certainty that they are all supporting me. They are watching over me like omniscient guardians. And I am grateful.

Even when unexpected and seemingly “dreadful” events conspire, I know that, ultimately, the universe is taking care of me, and guiding me towards the extraordinary path that has always been destined for me. I had a purpose before anyone, including myself, had an opinion about it ❤

Ah! And, as I slowly arrive to this realization once more, the sweet butterflies commence their excited and eager waltz within my stomach! I begin to have this overwhelming feeling of faith–in this world, it’s creatures and its people. And, I notice a newfound appreciation for myself–because, even I, small little Maham Abid, am part of something so much bigger and more significant than myself.

I begin to have so much compassion for all of humanity, and how fervidly we attempt to guard the delectable delicacies of this life–its gifts of happiness, love and trust. But, each one of us will neglect these bounties at some point, as we are imperfect; we can’t always understand and take care of all these cherished but ever-so-fragile gifts. We can only try our best.

Isn’t that what we are all doing? (though some in more twisted, incomprehensible ways than others)? No matter how different we may appear to be, we are all doing the best we can to survive the many powerful, and inevitable forces of life. Day and night, each one of us strives towards the same goal; we all want to make it.

This understanding gives me the power to rise above smaller battles and find forgivenenss for myself and all other people in this big complex world.

There is only one love. I was born in love; I am created of it. Therefore, it is only natural that I must give it wholly, and receive it with open-arms.

1 <3!

Body image & self esteem

What if I bulk up!?!?

August 14, 2014 mahamabidtalent 1 Comment

What if we did something courageous every single day? It doesn’t have to be going into battle with a lion each time; what I’m talking about is different. It is about taking gentle courageous steps.

What if we took risks each day—and allowed ourselves to try something new? Sounds easy enough. No, I mean really truly give ourselves permission to try new things WHILE remaining relatively okay with not knowing what the results might be. What if we let ourselves drown in the fundamental groundlessness of our existence?

We keep looking for some sort of anchor—some sort of ground—some sort of certainty. “If we do x+y+z, we must get xyz.” Then, when we don’t get “xyz”, we panic. The truth is that there is nothing that will always work; there is no foolproof method. That would be entirely unnatural, as our very existence is impermanent. We aren’t here forever. We live in complete ignorance of this reality, but the truth remains glaring. There is no guarantee that I will even finish this blog post; and I cannot guarantee that you will be alive to read it. There is uncertainty in everything we do, everything we feel, everything we think, because there is uncertainty in everything we are.

I realize that this is immensely frightening, because it means we have to let go of knowing—we have to let go of our measuring sticks, our calculators—and of all the fallible instruments we use to try to aimlessly predict the results. However, it is incomparably and immeasurably freeing.

And as always, this brings me back to my passion: fitness.

The preceding reasons are precisely why I like changing up my workout regimen so often. Doing so forces me to try something new, and step into the unknown. It forces me to relinquish control. Upon starting a new program, I possess no knowledge regarding whether my body will bulk and balloon, or whether it will shrink and shrivel. And regardless of how uncomfortable and distressing that temporarily feels, I know that it will be okay. And, this is where I find my strength.

I’ll share something slightly humorous with ya’ll. Prior to starting any new workout program, I have to allow myself a few days of hibernation. I spend this time mustering up enough mental fortitude and courage to tackle the upcoming changes; I prepare towards being mentally okay with whatever may happen before I let my body perform even ONE exercise from the program.

As many of you know, I tried and completed Kayla Itsinies’ bikini-body guide 1.0 (eeep! I’m so excited about version 2.0 coming out!). Anyway, when I tried the first program, I found that my legs bulked up more than I preferred. Though this was unexpected, I discovered immense mental courage in being able to face that change. It forced me to return to a familiar commanding realization: the world did not, and will not crumble if things do not go exactly the way I plan.

Since it was a change that was different, it felt quite uncomfortable. I did not necessarily like bulkier legs on my frame; In fact, I knew that I wanted to work towards reducing their size. In the midst of the accompanying cloud of distressful feelings, there was a lucid moment of peaceful clarity. There was a fleeting glimpse of time, in which I was able to look at myself, and truly accept me just as I was, the bulk included ;).

And as a result, I began to cultivate more compassion for who I truly am. I began to not just realize, but also celebrate how swiftly my body adapts to varying circumstances! It is absolutely magical to grasp how intricately geared we all are to survive! My body adapts beautifully and intelligently to different pressures that I place on it; and it will continue doing this to ensure that I lead the most satisfying, and wholesome life.

When this realization found me once more, I remember that I laughed and gave myself a big hug in the middle of my favorite coffee shop (I’m sure people around me thought I was slightly “off”, but that’s okay 🙂 ) In that moment, I was able to embrace all parts of myself, because I realized that together: my body, mind and heart were enough! I had and will continue having all the tools to achieve whatever I set after. I, Maham Abid, can handle anything life throws at me.

What an empowering notion it is to realize that I have always been strong enough to live the life I’m given. If I want a certain body type, I can go about attaining it in a loving, and collaborative manner. There is no need for starvation, or working out to the point of exhaustion. Likewise, there is no necessity to overindulge and become a couch potato. I am not meant to operate like an “on-and-off” switch; I am an ever-changing human being, which means that the real magic happens in a space of moderation.

What a breathtaking insight! I already have all it takes! And all it takes is all I’ve got! 🙂 I am enough. I have always been enough. There were, certainly, times when I felt blinded to that ultimate truth. However, my own inability to see my worth didn’t mean that it didn’t exist; my value didn’t dissolve into thin air; it had always been there.

It has been there since the beginning of my existence.

I am a positive, kind, and beautiful spirit who has the ability to interact gently and lovingly with the world I live in. These traits are, and have always been mine. This means that they will not disappear if other people don’t recognize them. Someone else’s ability to see the light within me does not take away from my own radiance. In fact, even my own rejection of my inherent value does not cause it to vanish. No. No. My worth lies deep within the core of my heart, waiting patiently to be re-acknowledged and reclaimed.

So, go ahead friends, reassume control of your own internal environment! Do not let circumstances, your current state, or other people dictate your happiness and value. No one—no friend, no partner, no parent, no sibling, no esteemed role model has the right to make you feel worthless. Not even you.

Pardon my French, but let it be known…

NO ONE has the right to FUCK with your PEACE.

Body image & self esteem

I’m burning alive!

August 12, 2014 mahamabidtalent Leave a comment

God I have so much shame. I am ugly, disgusting, bad, and dirty. I am worthless. I wish I had nothing to do with me. How is it that I am the creator and receptor of all my hate, mistrust and anger! I feel doomed by myself. God! I cannot believe that I am stuck with me forever. This must be what hell feels like. My permanent doom lies in the fact that I’m destined to share residence with this awful, disgusting repellant of my being.

– An old journal entry of mine

Well, there is some truth to the above passage.

Yes. This is exactly what hell feels like.

Ever feel absolutely disgusted with yourself, and then even more repelled by your own thoughts about yourself? Me too.

I want us to go visit that dark, demeaning place of self-hate again. I’m hoping that if we go back together, it won’t be as scary. So will you take my hand, so I won’t be so alone?

Are you ready? 1-2-3-JUMP.

God. I’m burning in this inferno!!! It feels like a million nails are peeling away my burning skin over and over again. Let’s hurry past this layer! I want to go deeper—beyond the self-loathing, because the nauseating abhorrence we feel is actually an illusion. It is a disguise. It is masking the intensely painful feelings of shame and fear that, so often, take over my life–that take over your life.

Oh god. I thought that burning wrathful inferno was the worst zone, but this–god, this is far more painful. Why is there so much darkness? I feel so empty in this desolate, lonely, and ominously silent substratum. I’m absolutely frightened. I’m so thankful that you are by my side.

What is this place? Welcome to fear.

We all set these never-ending goals for ourselves—“if I am able to do this by this date and within this time frame, then, and only then, will I be successful. Then, and only then will I love, and accept myself.” I must be __________________ (fill in the blank). I must be a successfully certified counselor; I must get all A’s this semester; I must eat 800 calories a day; I must lose this amount of weight in 3 weeks; I must be able to graduate medical school at the top of my class; My thighs must not touch; I must friends with the “popular” kids; I must be able to speak in public without getting nervous. I must be able to wrestle with a shark in the deepest part of the ocean, while I’m drowning, and still WIN. Might as well add that one on the list, right?

We put so much pressure on ourselves, and then, we wonder why we feel overworked, exhausted, and overwhelmed. And the most confusing part of all? We still don’t see results. “Wait, wait, wait. So why the heck are we not achieving our goals even though we are working so damn hard!?”

When we don’t “reach” our goals, we swiftly move onto more planning, goal-setting– more calculating. We take out our whips and try to beat some motivation into ourselves—hoping, that this time, it will be different. Yes, yes. This time we will finally get what we desire.

“I’m gonna make it, because this time, I will accept no failure!” we assertively swear to ourselves!

How motivating.

In actuality, what’s happening, there, is a foolproof, surefire way to get yourself to fail, yet again. Seriously, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been through that cycle. I’m guessing a lot of you have too.

As we cruelly “goal-set”, we simultaneously give ourselves a debilitating subconscious message: “you MUST do this, and if you don’t do it, YOU are a FAILURE.”

Can you imagine trying to operate under such an overbearing presence? We place crippling, paralyzing pressure on ourselves; we try to cheat ourselves out self-love.

“Shut up, Maham! Nobody’s got time to sit in a cave and work on cultivating self-love. Okay? I have stuff to do. Don’t you get it? I have to lose this weight before my wedding/before summer/before the world ends.”

I hear you. So, we return to our least favorite, but oh-so-familiar statement.

I will love myself when_________

Don’t you see, my sweet friend? We are all stuck in trying to accomplish our life goals in ~~reverse~~ order! And, it never works out. You know this. You’ve experienced this. It’s like trying to build a skyscraper, without taking the time to establish a proper and durable foundation. Would you like to test climb that building? Yeah, me neither.

So, we whip ourselves into getting back up, and we try again—only to fall harder and further this time. “OMG! I AM SUCH A FAILURE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!? All these other people can accomplish the same thing in 0.00002 minutes and I haven’t been able to do it in a freaking year!”

We are back in that familiar raging inferno of self-hate. Hey, at least it’s better than that dark fearful layer under it right?

Sweetheart, you’ll be back there again too. It’s a vicious cycle.

We don’t see results that we want–>we panic–> so we put even more pressure on ourselves–> which leads us to fail harder–>the results are still nowhere to be seen.

How’s that working out for you?

I’m not mocking you, or looking down on you in any way. I’m not even asking you to become “less uncomfortable” with where you’re at. I know where you’re at; it is really hard. It is gruelingly painful. It may be sucking the very “life” out of your life. I understand because I’ve been there too; I know shame like the back of my hand. I know what it feels like to be in a place where you’re unable to give or receive love; it is impossible to believe people when they say nice things about you because you are so isolated and ashamed.

What if we try something different? What if we attempt to operate from a place of loving and positive motivation? What if, instead of brutally bludgeoning ourselves for everything we “do wrong”, we make a commitment to appreciate, and pat ourselves on the back for “the few things” we do “right?”

Will that lead to a better chance for success? Will that cause less suffering for you? And for others? I can’t answer those questions for you. I guess you’ll just have to see. I can tell you, however, that trying this changed my life.

Are you willing to give this a chance?

ACTIVITY: Think of a goal that you haven’t been able to achieve because you’ve been trapped in the self-hating and fearful cycle we just talked about. Got it? Okay. Now, I want you to commit to writing down 5 things you do “right”, in terms of achieving that goal, every single day. It does not matter how small or big those things are; all that matters is that you physically record them on a sheet of paper, or on a computer. Do this for 10 days and comment below to tell me about your experience ❤

Hey you, you are so flipping loved…by me!

❤

Fitness

Let’s get back on track!

August 11, 2014 mahamabidtalent Leave a comment

Please don’t.

Failure is an event.

Not a ~~person~~.

Alright, so we all have those days or periods of time where we veer off track–this may be in terms of school work, fitness regimens, or keeping up with close connections. Today, I want to talk about getting off track in terms of fitness. We may have days of “bad eating” or skipping workouts. This is expected, normal and part of the process.

Labeling food as “good” or “bad” or “healthy”/ “unhealthy” is a sure way to get trapped in the all-or-nothing perfectionist mentality society promotes. The truth lies in moderation and balance; just like you don’t get “fit” from eating one salad and doing one workout, you will not get “unfit” from eating one “bad” meal or skipping one workout.

The “all-or-nothing” philosophy makes people feel horrible if they think they made a ‘bad’ choice. I’ve heard tons of women say : “I ate _____! God, I am so bad.” Though I agree that some amount of “food guilt” is natural, I strongly believe that a lot of us end up feeling much worse than just the normal “little bit.”

So many of us let “food guilt” spiral into food shame. “I am a bad person for eating that.” “I am a failure because I didn’t go to the gym.” “God, I suck. I can’t keep food out of my mouth. How am I ever going to look like that?” Food choices don’t make you a bad person – but that is how many people, especially women, talk to themselves. We have to be very careful with “food guilt” as it can quickly become disordered and debilitating.

So, let’s ~~ditch the shame~~, and…get back on track!

My Tips for Getting Back on Track

1. Meal plan! Let’s get some accountability up in here! Plan what you are going to eat, and go grocery shopping! If you only have healthful food in the house, you will only eat healthful food.

2. Is there a certain food that’s been tripping your diet up? Let’s have a mini-lent. Give up something that’s been screwing up your diet for 10 days. This is not about restriction. This is about regaining confidence in your ability to choose. You are not helpless. You are powerful!

3. While you are out grocery shopping, get yourself a huge gallon/water bottles of spring water. H20 is going to become your best friend! Drinking water aids in removing toxins from the body, which will be necessary if you’ve had a particularly rough binge period. It also helps in hydrating, elevating mood, and reducing the number on the scales by preventing water retention!

4. Let’s get some zZzZzZz’s! Try to be in bed earlier and attain more sleep so that you can feel well-rested, and ready to tackle on the new week! Getting 7-8 hrs of sleep/night has been linked to a reduction in overall BMI and weight ❤

5. Plan your workouts! Make a little chart for the week, and know which workout you are going to be doing on what day 🙂 Take out your markers, stickers, and make it beautiful! Hang it up 🙂 Put it in your workout binder. Try to make this as specific as possible.

6. Remember to congratulate yourself/give yourself compliments each time you abide by your meal plan/workout plan! A little positive reinforcement goes a long way. I promise. Before each planned meal/workout, whisper to yourself: “I am actively choosing to abide by the plan I have made.” Once you are finished with your planned meal/planned workout, whisper to yourself once more: “Yay! I did it! I knew I was strong enough to do this!”

7. Avoid weighing yourself, or doing any sort of progress “tests” till after getting back on track. You do not need to assess the damage to fix it. Please please please veer away from measuring yourself, trying on that skinny pair of jeans in your closet, or taking progress pictures. If you have had a particularly rough eating period, your body may be holding onto water weight. Common “binge foods” are usually really high in sodium or sugar which both contribute to water retention. You do not need the scale to make you feel worse about yourself than you already do.

8. Take a yoga class. If you cannot afford a yoga class, or if you do not have access to local yoga studios offering classes, visit youtube. Search some meditative yin-yoga or vinyasa flow yoga. Try to do this for at least 20-60 minutes, and remember to focus on your breath. “By its very nature, the breath is not graspable; there is nothing at all to hold on to. Our breath, therefore, provides an immediate connection with impermanence as we experience it by continually arising and dissolving back into space. Using the breath as the object of meditation introduces us to the fundamental groundlessness of life. It allows us to experience letting go.”

9. Buy a “get well soon” card for yourself, and write yourself a letter. In the card, speak to yourself as if you were speaking to a best friend. Explain that you understand that you have been going through a hard time, and that you also acknowledge how down you may be feeling. At the same time, however, remind yourself of the immense courage that lies within you. If you don’t feel that you are ready to do this activity for yourself, buy a few “I’m thinking of you” cards and write thoughtful letters to a few close friends letting them know that you are thinking of them. Kindness has a way of accidentally spilling happiness into any circumstance!

10. This one is my favorite! POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS! ❤ Make a vision board of yummy positive affirmations that help you feel good, and remind you to be gentle with yourself. If you are short on time, just create a folder on your laptop, and download pictures from the Internet that remind you to forgive yourself. I am going to post a few from my own folder to get you started ❤

FAVORITE! Seriously, say this to yourself, over and over and over and over and over again! Okay. Now say it one more time. So important!

Forgiveness is so powerful! It is the quality of leaders!

Remember that in order to be all the "good things", you have to go through the bad things. This rough time means that you're one step closer to being more AWESOME! — Remember that in order to be all the “good things”, you have to go through the bad things. This rough time means that you’re one step closer to being more AWESOME!

This one always makes me smile! Imagine the freedom baby! Do you want to be free? I know I do!

Seriously. How well has hating yourself been working out for you? Einstein said that "insanity" is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Let's not be insane and try something different :) — Seriously. How well has hating yourself been working out for you? Einstein said that “insanity” is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Let’s not be insane and try something different 🙂

This one is a good one to remember in terms of whatever you're going through! All the "not-so-good" feelings are just a precursor to MAGIC! — This one is a good one to remember in terms of whatever you’re going through! All the “not-so-good” feelings are just a precursor to MAGIC!

So true! The only diet that will ever work will be one that includes self-love.

A quick and easy affirmation to lead each day with!

Think of your favorite fitness guru. They are pretty freaking awesome right? Well, guess what? They are made up of the same magical stuff that you are.

Are you going to act out of fear or love today?

This is a good old simple reminder to all of us. This is not our first mistake. This will not be our last one either. We are young, and we are all children of the universe. We are going to screw up...a lot. — This is a good old simple reminder to all of us. This is not our first mistake. This will not be our last one either. We are young, and we are all children of the universe. We are going to screw up…a lot.

No one has the right to make you feel worthless. Not even you.

If you are really deep in shame, and the preceding pictures were unable to help you, then I know one thing for sure. You are ready to get past this hell of a period. Are you ready to leave it all behind? Well guess what you have to do? FORGIVE YOURSELF.

This one is going to work for everyone. If you cannot seem to forgive yourself, regardless of what you say or do. Do this: Accept that you cannot forgive yourself, and FORGIVE yourself for not being able to forgive yourself. You are free.

❤ YAY! WE ARE ALL FORGIVEN ❤

So, in summary:

< 3

Fitness

Drop it like it’s hot!

August 10, 2014 mahamabidtalent 4 Comments

Here’s a little background on my journey. Prior to getting married, I had always been in the 110-115 lb range at my near 5’5 frame. I was living at home, eating home-cooked food, and consequently, had some regularity in my meals and, therefore, my weight.

Recent picture in the same outfit (different jean size of course)

After getting married and moving to a bigger city, I was introduced to drive-thru krispy kreme’s and smoothie places. Needless to say, it was lust at first sight.

Another thing working against me was that I did not know how to cook especially well; this meant going out to eat a lot. And, frankly, come on! I moved to New Orleans- the city of Cajun friend food! So, I ate. And I ate. And I ate.

A few months after getting married, I went back to my hometown and started getting a few remarks about how “chubby” I had gotten. This was a new thing for me, as my whole life, I had never been told that I was “chunky” or “chubby.” I became especially self-conscious, and decided to step on a scale for the first time in months. 131 lbs stared back at me. I had gained 15-20 lbs in just three months! ~~WHAT????????~~

Yeah, Okay! I know that’s not overweight. I realize that its not “too much.” But, I didn’t like the way I looked, and more so, I didn’t like the way I felt. So, I set out to make a few changes.

Over the next year, I went from 131 lbs to a fragile 96 lbs. I didn’t realize that I had plummeted to such an unhealthy weight range, until I visited my primary care physician for my annual check up. I was unaware of my weight loss, because I had stopped weighing myself. I was only tracking my progress based on measurements and the way my clothes fit.

Needless to say, after that doctors visit, I kinda freaked out. (shoutout to my patient husband, who picked me up and calmed my bawling self down 😉 ). I, then, set out to return to a state of balance, remaining careful in my journey, as I wanted to gain the weight back in muscle mass. I did not want to pack on lbs of fat as I had done before. Consequently, I added weight training into my predominantly cardio regimen, and began to incorporate more protein sources into my diet. I steadily gained muscle over the course of the next 6 months.

This brings us to current times :). I haven’t weighed myself in a few months. However, the last time I was keeping track, my weight seemed to stay between 104-108 lbs (this was in late April 2014). I don’t like weighing myself anymore, as that is a slippery slope for someone like me, who tends to get trapped in the “perfectionism” cycle easily.

Notice that my pre-wedding weight was around 110-115 lbs; this is close to the 104-108 lb range I was in a few months ago.

Look at how different the recent pictures look from the very first pictures in this post. That should be a testament to the fact that weight isn’t everything. 110 lbs of predominantly muscle looks starkly different from 110 lbs of predominantly fat.

I wasn’t always able to jump around from bench to bench like a lemur. I wasn’t always able to do pushups, or chin ups. I was not always able to run for an hour. So what is my secret? What did I do? Well, read on!

Change #1

I cut out almost 60% of refined, processed WHITE carbohydrates. This was probably one of the biggest, and initially one of the HARDEST changes I made. Don’t you love how those two things usually go together? Anyway, I stopped eating white rice, white bread, doughnuts, cookies, etc. Please note that this did not happen overnight. I did not go “cold-turkey” or shift to an all-or-nothing sort of mindset. In fact, I am munching on Lorna Doone shortbread cookies as I write this. PS- they are delicious.

Personally speaking, I do not think quitting something entirely is sustainable, or even “healthy”. It may be more healthful for the body, however, I don’t see this restrictive type of thinking as beneficial to the mind. As someone who already struggles with perfectionism, it is extremely important for me to steer away from the “nevers”,”always” and “forevers”; It is truly a minute-to-minute struggle to remind myself to live in moderation.

Anyway, I simply began to reduce my intake of “white carbohydrates.” I remember that, at first, I replaced them with brown rice and wheat bread. As time went on, I replaced the brown rice with quinoa and I actually stopped craving bread altogether. If I had to choose, most of my weight reduction was a result of this change.

Change #2

The first “excercise tool” I purchased was not some fancy sportswatch; instead, it was a $5 pedometer. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is, it is a simple tool that counts the steps you take each day. I began by tracking how many steps I walk in a typical day, and started to increase that number the next day. So, each day I was walking more than the day before. The key to this is holding yourself accountable. I remember that some days,I had to drag myself out of bed to go walk around the house one more time, so that the number of steps I took was at least 1 step greater than the day before. Since this was an active goal, it inadvertently led me to park further in parking lots and to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

Change #3

I started a food journal! I started recording the calories in the foods I was eating. Since weight loss, at its basis, results from a caloric deficit (taking in less than you burn), food logging was very helpful. Now, I do have to say that this can easily become obsessive, so I have a tip for you. I want you to to start thinking of caloric deficits on a weekly instead of daily basis. How many calories are you eating per week? How many calories are you burning per week? After you’ve answered these questions, try to create a deficit of at 1300-2500 calories in the number every proceeding week. Continue this, till you have reached your target body type. The reason I recommend doing this on a weekly basis is for enhanced sustainability. It becomes really hard not to beat yourself about having a “bad day” if you focus too much on daily calories. There will be days where you eat more. There will be days where you eat less. Consequently, it is more sustainable and healthy to assess your nutrition progress weekly.

Change #4

Oh this is going to be a kicker for so many of you–guess what? I stopped weighing myself. Take your measuring tapes, and cameras out, and throw your scale out the window (don’t do this if you live on the 2nd or 3rd floor lol). Weigh-ins can become really depleting, and may lead you to feel dejected. Sustainable weight loss is slow. The reason I said “sustainable” is because people can starve themselves for a few weeks, and drop tons of weight, however, once they start re-feeding, the gains will be back. True, lasting, weight loss is slow and steady, especially if you are trying to maintain it. If you weigh yourself, and don’t see that “magical number” we all create in our heads, it can become sadly easy to give up, and return to old habits.

Change #5

Only after making the above-mentioned changes, did I get a membership to the gym, and make any active attempts towards exercising. The first exercise program I ever tried in attempt to lose weight was Sean T’s Insanity. Yes, I did lose weight on it, however, it is an extremely challenging fitness program. I felt like I was going to die during the WARMUP. I finished Sean T’s insanity, and joined the local gym. There, I began to walk on the treadmill for an hour a day. This also assisted in further weight loss. As I felt more comfortable , I started venturing out to the elliptical machines, and began to take spin classes. These were all very helpful. I will say this, however: if you decide to take spin classes, please be careful about raising the resistance too high, as this may cause your quads/thighs to bulk up.

Important Point: Long-duration cardio (>25 minutes) is going to be your main arsenal when it comes to weight loss. This is predominantly all I did when I first started my fitness journey. The thing with cardio is that it will initiate you losing “weight”; this means that you’re going to be losing fat but also some muscle.

Important Point: Spot reduction is not possible. We cannot say: “doughnuts go to my butt, and cardio, subtract from my belly.” It simply does not work that way. When the body loses weight, it loses weight evenly. You can do ab excercises all day and night, and have a 6-pack. You will not be able to see that 6 pack, unless you employ cardio to help decrease the layer of adipose tissue, or fat, that covers that muscle group.

Change #6

My heaviest “carb” meal, to this day, is still breakfast, or my “pre-workout meal”. This way, I utilize most of the food that I eat throughout the day. For dinner, I have mostly protein and vegetables. I don’t need heavy carbs during the night, as my activity level is going to be low.

Change #7

Portion sizing goes a long way! Simply reduce the portions you take- even if it is just by a little bit. Subtracting a ton of “little bits” eventually add up to a lot of weight loss. Rule of thumb: the amount of grainy carbs you eat in one meal should be, at max, the size of one fist.

Change #8

Alright, alright. Warning! if you are a healthnut reading this, you are not going to like this change. When I first started on my fitness journey, I started “replacing” foods solely based on the caloric value. I didn’t care if the replacement was all natural, organic, vegan, gluten free etc. Since my initial goal was weight loss, I was only concerned about taking in a lower amount of calories. Consequently, I started replacing normal cookies with 100-calorie Lorna doone packets or 90 calorie special k cereal bars. I started replacing whole milk with unsweetened almond milk. I replaced sugar with stevia, and white bread with low calorie multigrain crackers. I’ve gotten more health-oriented now, however, this post is not about me now, it is about when I first started.

So, here you go. This highly-requested blog post is almost done. I haven’t told you guys my #1 secret though.

So, here goes: There is no way that I would have been able to do this if I had come from a place of extreme self-loathing. It is one thing to WANT to change; it is another thing to hate yourself through the whole journey.

You will NEVER be able to accomplish anything if your motivation is from a hateful, critical place. It is not sustainable. How far can a horse run if you keep whipping it harshly across the back? It may run faster, at first, out of fear and shock. In the long run, however, it will slow down, and eventually, fall to the crippling pressure. So, please, don’t set yourself up for failure.

I love you ❤ Please remember to love you too!

I ponder about life...

Are you dead?

August 8, 2014 mahamabidtalent 2 Comments

Ever walked into the middle of a movie—no clue as to what was happening prior to you seeing it. Why is that guy trying to kill the other one? Who is she, and why is she carrying a baby alligator around? Huh?

Our very existence is like watching a movie from the middle. We woke up in this world one day, with no recollection of where we were before—no recollection of where we came from, how we got here, and why we’re here.

If we’re lucky, we awoke to two “somewhat functioning” adults holding us, and helping us. And perhaps along the way, they decided to bring some other equally confused little aliens into this world. We begin to call these people “family.” Who are they? And why does it seem like they have our whole lives planned before we even can form our first words?

“What am I doing here?” Slowly, we begin to learn how to produce certain sounds that we associate with abstract objects—we call this language. We begin to communicate about things that are happening; in fact, we become so well-versed, that, some of us begin to spin poetic metaphors and literary allusions into masterpieces, which serve to capture the essence of this confounding life. These will be known as our greatest writers.

However, no matter how many literary tactics we employ to mystify and obscure the concept of human existence, we cannot, with full certainty, pinpoint the answer to the ultimate question: why are we here?

Some of us decide to gain some certainty through pulling on teachings of age-old religions, and others simply turn to testaments of our own experiences. Regardless of where we find our illusion of “certainty”, the inherent perplexity of human existence remains glaring.

As a therapist-in-training, I have some awareness of the unfortunate prevalence of addictions in our world. Yes there are the evident ones such as alcoholism, eating disorders, substance abuse, and self-harm. But then, there are also those faint addictions—the addictions that tend to get “normalized”, as they are more accepted by society. These are the addictions to other people, the addiction to things, the addiction to abstract concepts such as success and accomplishment.

I would go as far as saying that, to some degree, every single one of us is an addict. Workaholics, workoutaholics, codependents, hoarders, sex addicts, money addicts. We become addicted to our partners, to our children, to “best friends.” That’s not the end of it. Some of us suffer from addictions that are intangible—we become addicted to attaining fame, beauty, success.

Why is human existence marked with coming in and out of different addictions? I truly and wholeheartedly believe that it is because our very existence has been out of control. All the preceding addictions are mechanisms that we use to deal with the lack of control we had in our very own existence. No entity asked for my permission before I was born. I don’t recall me signing a document instating my birth. Out of the millions of choices, why did that specific sperm have to fertilize that specific egg to create ME?

This brings me to the point of this blog: CHOICES.

They are beautiful burdensome trinkets. Regardless of circumstances, everything comes down to choice. They say “10% of what happens to you is life, and 90% is how you choose to deal with it.” I am in complete agreement with that statement. The world could be crumbling outside, but I will possess have a choice in how to react to it. Every single thing comes down to choice. “Not making a choice” is also a choice.

Let me tell you about an interesting experience. 19 years into my life, I realized that I had not yet made the active choice to live. HUH? I had become a passive bystander in my life—just letting life do whatever it wanted. “The greatest choice you will ever make is the one to live. Most people simply just exist.” And that’s exactly what it came down to.

It wasn’t so much that I “gave up” on life, as “giving up”, in itself, is an active choice. It was more like I had, simply, chosen not to choose when it came to matters of my own being. I didn’t wake up and DECIDE to be happy. Instead, I let the day’s events dictate whether or not I would feel happy. It was as if, i was (and still am (to some extent)), a leaf that was just blowing around in the wind—untethered to a stable source. For 19 years, I remained unanchored to the robust, secure tree of personal choice. Circumstances dictated my mood, my self-worth, my ambition, my energy—my life.

For 19 whole years. I didn’t even once affirm “regardless of what this day brings, I choose to act in a manner that increases inner peace and happiness.”

And then, I met my husband.

Needless to say, he found me scattered at my most vulnerable, confused state of being. In a lot ways, I was undergoing an identity crisis. “Which parts of my life are truly “mine”? I questioned “Which parts are the ones that I actually chose?”

I never did find the answers to those questions. I stopped looking for them. Instead, I made the very first choice I consciously remember making.

I chose him. I chose my husband.

It’s ironic because our marriage was arranged in nature. I remember the day I chose as clearly as if it were yesterday. I remember, sitting in my blue summer dress, on the sidewalk, barefooted. My husband and his family had just left my house, after seeing me for the very first time. I was 19. I was frightened, uncertain, unprepared, shaking.

A picture of me in my blue dress FROM that very day

I liked him. It felt right. I think. Maybe? What if it isn’t right? What if he’s not the one? What if this is going to be the biggest mistake of my life? Oh my goodness, it is isn’t it? I will regret this forever. Don’t do it. Do it. Don’t do it. Do it.

My dashing thoughts were rudely interrupted by the chirping of a bird. Annoyed, I snapped back to glare at him. And there he was–eating some seeds off the middle of the road, completely at ease, unaware of his agitating chirps. In the distance, I heard a car approaching–it came closer. Closer. Closer.

My heart jumped into my throat as I fretted fearfully for the bird’s life. “WHY ISN’T IT FLYING AWAY!? Is it DEAF!?” I winced, as the car came within touching distance of the bird, and boom. There he went. He flew towards the sky. A few moments after the car passed, the bird swiftly returned to the ground and began picking at his seeds, completely at ease–completely unaware that his life had just been in danger.

I exhaled loudly and stared with wonder and perplexity at this seemingly “unintelligent” creature. And, as it’s beady black eyes met mine, a bizarre thought crossed my mind. “What if I’M the unintelligent creature?”

As human beings, we spend all day and night fretting about what could go wrong. We approach every scenario as if it is one of life and death. For some of us, it is. Many of us are truly brought to “life or death” circumstances, in which we’re spared right at the nick of time. However, so few of us ever focus on the fact that we were spared. WE ARE ALIVE. Instead, we stay inside, worried, afraid to ever go back out “on the road” because we are afraid of the next car that will drive by.

I remember laughing at my fearful thoughts regarding the encounter, and I clearly recall looking up to the sun gently setting in the sky. “In this moment, I CHOOSE to be with this man!” I declared assertively, hoping to convince any higher power that may have resided up there.

I wasn’t going to let life happen to me. In that moment, I chose my husband, and in choosing him, I took an oath to doing all that I could do to make it work. I took an oath to not giving up when things got hard, and above all, I took an oath to go into the marriage FEARLESSLY.

This brings us back to the familiar concept of fear. So many of you may question things that I have questioned before Should I even “fight” for my life? Am I worth fighting for? Do I want to take charge of my life? “Um. Maham. Duh. Shut up. OF course.” These may be answers that seem simple and easy on the surface, but how many of us can honestly say “yes” to them in a manner that is as fierce as a racehorse running, full throttle, out of the starting gate?

Oh honey! Courage is not the absence of fear. It is simply the presence of something MORE powerful than fear. So, the horse passionately runs. It does what it would naturally do, no knowledge of what comes next; he courageously gallops out of the gate, no preoccupation with what’s ahead. He does what he loves to do.

My sweet friend, this is about life being ahead of you, and you making the choice to run towards it courageously! Will you do something for me?

I want for you to figure out what you desire—it could be anything, big or small. Figure it out. Verbalize it. Write it out, and declare your intention to the universe, as I did 4 beautiful years ago.

And now, think of the racehorse. There is no going back. You can only move forwards. Just RUN towards what you want fearlessly—no doubts, no preoccupation with what could go wrong, no energy wasted in thinking about “how hard it’s going to be” or “how long its going to take.” Nobody ever accomplished anything by fretting about how “impossible” it was going to be. You’ve done harder things, and the time will pass anyway. Just run. Run towards it, with arms wide open, and a heart brimming with excitement! Get ready to catch your dream, because, the entire universe and it’s cosmos is running back, towards YOU—the world is so excited for you two to finally meet. Your dream is not a separate entity from you. It was yours. It is yours. It has always been yours.

❤

Body image & self esteem

Stop being such a girl!

August 7, 2014 mahamabidtalent Leave a comment

Oh women,

You are nothing short of miraculous.

Believe it or not, it wasn’t till relatively recently, that I began to develop close relationships with my female counterparts. For most of my life, I have had little to no close female-friends. I suppose it was because the vicious threads of jealousy, competition and hurtful gossip fueled my apprehension in engaging with the most beautiful, majestic creatures that have ever lived on this planet. That’s right. I’m talking about you, girls.

Before I speak about my loving admiration for womanhood, let me first address one of my favorite concepts in the history of EVER. You may be familiar with the “yin-yang” symbol that became nascent in ancient Eastern philosophy.

The concept asserts that the world maintains a state of balance–or homeostasis–through equal and opposite forces. For night there is day, for winter there is summer, for man, there is woman. On the surface, it is easy to look at these two forces as antagonistic. It may seem as if they are working against each other in an attempt to cancel one another out. However, if you look a little more closely, you’ll find that is not the case at all. Life is consistently wobbling upon the pulls of complementary forces. These serve to balance, instead of cancel the effects of the other. They work together, in perfect, synchronized harmony. How does this all relate to my overflowing love for women?

So many of the problems we face in our contemporary world are a result of an unbalanced feminine:masculine power schema. Globally speaking, there is an eminent lack of kind, gentle, feminine energy to balance out the strong, assertive masculinity that’s running this world amuck. Countries have become engrossed in asserting power over one another via aggressive, oppressive, and often, violent means.

You know that the world has become a sad place to live in when “stop acting like a girl!” has become an insult. What is so wrong with being a girl? What is so wrong with FEELING, and being sensitive? Feeling is powerful. If more of us felt things for each other, and for the world, there would be a marked reduction in violent hurtful energy that are so evident today. As women, we feel things. We are nurturing, caring, loving creatures. This does not make us stronger or weaker than males; it simply means that we are differently powerful. Like the yin-yang concept dictates, we are complementary powers–equal and opposite in magnitude; when we are in “perfect” union, our forces contribute to the serene harmonious balance that is otherwise, so common to nature.

Being a girl is AWESOME! I can’t even verbalize how deeply loved and supported I feel by my female friends and followers. Womanhood is such a relentless force to be reckoned with. It is so immensely powerful in the gentlest of ways. We have so much strength and influence over one another. Just like us girls can tear one another down, if we allow ourselves be true to our core, we can empower and heal one another like NOTHING AND NOBODY else. We can provide for one another the love, support, and friendship that NO MAN has the capability of EVER giving us. Together, we can form an indomitable sisterhood.

My sweet sisters, my beautiful other halves– your kind beautiful compassionate words and gestures feel like cool pitter patter of rain drops all over my heart. You are downright remarkable. There is no other way of saying it. I am so continually inspired by you and you and you and you. I feel so blessed to know such profound greatness. The nurturing tenderness, love and compassion you exude into the world are nothing sort of revolutionary. You give so much more than you ever take, my selfless goddess. You walk on this earth with the such gentle grace–never stomping on the ground because you FEEL. You feel that you are connected to it, and it to you. Your undeniable presence is so magnetic and charismatic, drawing in those who don’t know you yet. You walk around with that cute little side-smile because you KNOW. You’ve discovered the most sought after truth! You know why we are here, on this earth. You know, because you, my love, are the very definition of why we’re here– altruism.

Don’t sell yourself short. You are the reason God has not given up in the world yet.

So, here’s to those of us who get our hearts broken by the slightest of winds–to those of us who let happiness take our spirits past the highest heavens. Here’s to those of us who, despite all the adversity, wake up each day with the same childlike hopeful attitude towards the world. Society may try to convince us that we are “weak” or “stupid”, or my ever-favorite: “naive”, but we know the tremendous courage that comes from CHOOSING not to let the world make you hard. Here’s to all of us who never had enough “commonsense” to give up, once and for all, after each consecutive fall. Here’s to those of us who over-think and overanalyze, to those who FEEL intensely and immensely. Because at the end of the day, we are the ones who are ALIVE amongst a sea of people who have passively chosen to exist.

My kindhearted, soul sisters, will you join in me in my journey?

If we help one another achieve our potential, we are inevitably going to leave the most honest and kind footprint on Earth’s journey.

There is a slight catch, however.

In order to help others tap into and utilize their potential, we need to gain greater accessibility to our own. This can only be attained through spending dedicated time with ourselves. We must have courage to look within. We must observe and get deeply intimate with our truest selves by means of the most raw, unrefined honesty. Only then, can we begin to help eachother in fulfilling the greater altruisitic unifying purpose. We are all stuck in trying to change the world, but what if to change the world, we must begin by changing ourselves?

My lovely lioness, you must spend time getting to know the immortal, enlightened truth within you. You must discover, and rejoice in the beauty is so inherent to your very being.

That is the only way.

We must be our own before we can ever be another’s. We must cultivate the capacity to love ourselves so wholly and so deeply. That is the only way we will be able to extend the same boundless love to this much-needing world. Our purpose is far too great to waste any more precious time in forsaking, hating, and disassociating from ourselves and each other.In a world full of uncertainty, there is one thing that I know for sure. I wholeheartedly promise you that we are absolutely magical.

❤ ❤ ❤

Fitness

Kayla Itsines BBG: Slimming bulky legs

August 6, 2014 mahamabidtalent 10 Comments

As most of you know, I completed Kayla Itsines’ Bikini Body Guide program. I’ve gotten tons of direct messages, as well as questions embedded in comments regarding my sentiments on the guide. Do I recommend it?

In short, the answer is YES. I do. It is a wonderful guide that includes tons of new innovative fitness ideas. I can easily say that my approach towards fitness has been changed forever, because of it.

So, the million dollar question: how did my body change?

Well first, I did take pictures along my journey, however the reason you haven’t seen these progress photos is because it is against my religion to show my bare stomach/legs. I can tell you that after completing the guide, I had more tone in my arms, abs and back than I have ever had in my entire life. The muscle tone I’m referring to is the lean, petite, defined look, as opposed to the bulky muscular look.

I truly think that when Kayla released her guides, she called them a “GUIDE” for a reason. It is simply a set of her recommendations that could be helpful in attaining a certain body type. HOWEVER, YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR OWN BODY, because it should be the primary reference and teacher in showing you whether or not something is working. So although, I recommend the guide, I do NOT recommend it as a replacement for trust in your body and your own experience.

This leads me to talk about something so many of you have questioned me about: slimming down muscular legs. A few weeks into her guide, I found that my thighs/quads were gaining more muscle than I preferred. So, I tweaked a few details, to help reshape my legs to the way I desire.

I have to say this one more time! I don’t think that Kayla’s intent for creating the guide was to provide a “foolproof” way to get the body you want; there is no ONE way that can work for every single girl in the world. Her guides are lavished with helpful guidelines and tidbits of knowledge, so please don’t doubt the validity of your own experience with another’s suggestions–not even mine!

In my journey, I discovered that I’m an ecto/mesomorph breed, which means I tend to pack on muscle like no tomorrow. I can see it, and I can feel it. This works in my favor when it comes to abs/arms and back definition. However, my legs tend to become disproportionately bulky. What do I mean by that? Well, my calves/lower half of my legs do not budge in size, whereas the upper half of my legs start bulking, and it looks a little strange to me haha.

A few blog posts ago, I gave you general tips regarding slimming bulky legs. But so many of you have been questioning me about how to incorporate these tips into Kayla’s guide. In short, the question seems to be: what types of changes did I make to ensure my leg size did not increase while I was doing Kayla’s guide?

Now, as far as the SPECIFIC guide…

On M,W,F

AM: I’ll do LISS in the morning (power-walking) for 45-60 minutes.
PM: I’ll do the desginated workout from Kayla’s guide

On T, Th

AM: I’ll do moderate intensity cardio (jogging/ellipitcal) for 30-45 minutes.
PM: I will stretch or do vinyasa flow yoga for an hour.

Saturdays: LISS only

Sunday: Rest day

FIRST AND FOREMOST, I had to incorporate more LISS-MISS to for longer bouts of time. Why? Because the only time that there may ever a need for your body to turn to your muscles for fuel is in the late stages of extreme endurance running. When glycogen or carbohydrate stores are depleted, your body will turn to the only fuel source left — amino acid proteins in your skeletal muscles. Only then, will it turn these into glucose for fuel.

So please note that losing muscle is HARD. Our bodies do not, naturally, want to do this. So be patient with yourself during this process.

An example of my favorite/most effective workouts that I did on Tuesdays and Thursdays is this one: I would start by jogging at 5 mph on a treadmill. I would then increase the spped in increments of 0.3 mph every minute. So, each proceeding minute, I would jog at 5.3 mph, 5.6 mph, 5.9 mph, etc. I would continue doing this for a total of 5 minutes.

Minute 1: 5.0 mph

Minute 2: 5.3 mph

Minute 3: 5.6 mph

Minute 4: 5.9 mph

Minute 5: 6.2 mph

Once I reached 6.2 mph, I would start coming back down in 1 minute increments. So…

Minute 6: 6.2 mph

Minute 7: 5.9 mph

Minute 8: 5.6 mph

Minute 9: 5.3 mph

Minute 10: 5.0 mph

I would keep repeating this circuit for a total of 30-45 minutes.

This is ONE example of training at a moderate-high intensity. Remember, in order to train at a moderate intensity, you must determine your heart rate training zones. Working at a “low” or “mod” or “high” intensity is not defined by the specific workout you do. It’s defined by how “hard” your heart has to work to maintain the workout. I could simply be doing the elliptical for 30 minutes at a speed of 9.0 mph and this would still constitute as moderate intensity training for me, as my heart rate falls in between the moderate training zones.

I also incorporated yoga into my regimen. I cannot emphasize how much yoga helped with elongating contracted muscles! It’s counterintuitive because it’s generally a low impact/low intensity activity, and consequently, does not burn as many calories. However, it has really worked wonders for helping me stay lean and long.

Now, as far as the specific “LEG day” circuit, I made a few adjustments

I only did 1 round of the entire circuit! So I did Circuit 1, and Circuit 2. Each circuit is 7 minutes, so I only did 14 total minutes, and stopped. I did NOT repeat both circuits a second time around. Instead, what I did were these excercises:
I replaced all weighted squats/weighted lunges. Whenever the guide instructed me to do jump squats/weighted squats, i would turn them into plie jump squats.
Whenever the guide instructed me to do weighted lunges/jump lunges, I would replace them with the lunges shown in this video. Please fast forward to 5:26 to watch the move!
NOTE: if you find that your legs are still remaining “bulky” even with the above-mentioned replacements, start replacing those exercises high intensity full-body plyometric movements. This way, you are incorporating more of the entire body and therefore, no longer targeting quads and hams. Some replacements you can try include: jumping jacks, star jumps, plank jacks, skaters, tuck jumps, hurdles, leap frogs, 180 jumps etc. Here is a video of common plyometric exercises you can browse through and choose:

In summary, the above-mentioned recommendations are what helped me return less muscular-looking legs. You know the famous saying: “if you don’t use it, you lose it.” Well, remember it and use it to your favor. If you’re not using the muscle, while eating at a deficit, you WILL start losing muscle (the time it takes each person varies, but I promise you, that it will occur). The reason I made these replacements is because I did not want to target the leg muscles. Full-body plyo movements cause power to be generated across a larger surface area, and therefore allow the entire body to become more evenly engaged. Whereas, squatting and doing lunges unevenly distribute power to target the legs. Think about it, if someone is doing lunges and squats in the “proper form”, their upper body is as close to still as possible. As mesomorph ladies trying to lose muscle, we do not want to overwork our leg muscles, causing them to hypertrophy.

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abidmaham

Monthly Archives: August 2014

Poochy tummies and big thighs

CARDIO: all you need to know!

Lemmi give you a PEACE of my mind!

What if I bulk up!?!?

I’m burning alive!

Let’s get back on track!

Drop it like it’s hot!

Are you dead?

Stop being such a girl!

Kayla Itsines BBG: Slimming bulky legs

Learning to stay human.

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Learning to stay human.