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Body image & self esteem, Fitness, Gratitude Experiment, I ponder about life..., Pregnancy

The Gratitude Experiment: Final Week

March 16, 2016 mahamabidtalent Leave a comment

03/01/2016

Today, I’m really grateful for a happy and healthy baby! I had a visit to the doctors today. My parents and I wanted to have an OBGYN in my hometown, in addition to one in Louisiana. So, today was my first appointment with the her! During the visit, she wanted to reconduct the anatomy scan for their own personal hospital records.

What is the anatomy scan?

During a level 2 ultrasound, baby will be measured from crown to rump, around her middle, around her head — and that’s just for starters. The four chambers of the heart will be viewed, as well as the kidneys, bladder, stomach, brain, spine and sex organs. A survey of the organs, including the umbilical cord, ensures that they are developing normally (or identifies any potential problems as soon as possible). The sonographer will also be looking at your amniotic fluid levels, the location of the placenta, and the fetal heart rate.

And in alignment with the results of the 20 week scan, everything was purrfect this time around. Baby angel looks great! It was fun to see her, because she’s definitely bigger now, approaching 2 lbs! Alhamdullilah, she is measuring perfectly for her gestational age; her weight and height are on target; her organs are all present and functioning. I am so grateful.

So, I have to share something really humorous about today’s scan with you. Apparently, as we were checking out her spine, my baby gymnast decided to take hold of her leg; she effortlessly moved her leg, parallel above her head and grabbed her foot with her little hands. We were stunned watching this all go down. Then, all of a sudden, she pulled her foot close to her mouth and started to suck on her toes. WHAT THE HECK? The ultrasound tech, my mom and I were in a puddle of laughter. My little warrior princess! So wild and untame already, lol.

legsfromunderneath-2-1 — he chubby little legs from the bottom; ❤

I’m also really grateful for my run today! I felt so strong, capable and powerful during it. The longer I run, the stronger I feel; I’m really thankful for this experience. I’m also really grateful to my mother-in-law for helping my sweetheart move into our new place. I’m not with my husband right now, so it’s such a huge blessing that he his mother there to support of him through this transition. She is a little angel from heaven!

I’m also really grateful for Zeus, my kitten back at home. Every time I walk into the room, he is sprawled out on my bed just waiting for me! It makes me so happy. I’m pretty sure he can hear my baby girl’s heartbeat because at night, he’ll sleep with his head tucked in near my belly, gently kneading it through the blanket. It’s the cutest thing! I’m convinced animals have the keenest intuition.

03/09/2016

Today, I am so grateful to return to this practice! It has been a hectic week. My husband and I have been busy with moving into our new place, and now, we are finally settled in! We got the last of our stuff moved out, and just handed in the keys to our old apartment today. It really is a bittersweet transition. Our new place is so much bigger, and so beautiful. I’m really grateful for that. My eyes literally lit up when I saw it—especially when I saw Ayrah’s room-to-be, and it’s beautiful pink color. My heart was so full upon seeing it; it becomes flooded with unexplainable love when I step into it again and again. My sweet baby girl. I love her so much already.

I’m so thankful that she’s going to be in my arms soon iA. Can you believe my second trimester is almost over? I’m 1 week away from finishing it! Then, the real wait begins. I can’t wait to feel her sweet kicks against my hands instead of just my belly. I can’t wait to kiss her, embrace her, and wrap her in my arms. I would do anything for her now, and from what I’ve heard, that love just keeps growing exponentially as they come into our lives, and grow older. I’m so excited.

I’ve heard lots of people say that life is never the same after you have a child. Can I just say how thrilled I am that if is the case? Though, it’s a life I’ve thoroughly enjoyed, I don’t want my life to be just about me, my husband and my cats anymore. My little world is so ready to expand and accommodate another being into it. I realize that motherhood is going to come with challenges, and on some days, I am truly fearful of these challenges. Most days now, however, I am just thankful and eager to meet her.

Transitions are always difficult—marriage, moving out, transitioning into parenthood. There is an inevitable tinge of death in them; the beginning of one chapter is always marked by the end of another. Birth and death are like Siamese twins that cannot be separated; when one is around, you know the other one is lingering just around the corner. But, as saddening as it is to let go of one time period, it is equally as exciting and joy-provoking to begin another one! I know that the birth of my daughter is going to infuse my life with a newfound meaning and another purpose. Above all, I’m really excited to experience myself as a mother.

Isn’t that what life is all about? Adding new layers of experience that enrich our very being? I’m grateful for the experiences I’ve already accumulated. I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing myself as a big sister, a sister-in-law, a daughter, a wife, a student, a friend, a lover, a teacher, a student. And now, I’ll get to experience myself as a mother. I am really eager to learn about the new layers of myself that I know motherhood will reveal. So yes, transitions are hard, but in all honesty, I’m harder! I have done and can do really challenging things; I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. I am willing to expend the energy and time it takes to become an effective mother. I am thankful for this devotion within my heart, and so grateful that God has infused excitement and love for my baby girl in it.

I’m also beyond grateful that we’ve had company in our new home. Our friends and family visiting has definitely made this unfamiliar beautiful edifice feel more like home. The minute they leave our house, I want to grab them and pull them back in. There’s just such a serene happiness that comes with hearing muted voices, echoes and laughs from different corners of the house. It makes me so happy knowing that people are just there!

I’m also really grateful for the ability to run when I’m starting my 7th month into my pregnancy! I’ve had to make adjustments, certainly–the biggest one being that I do not enjoy running outdoors as much as I had before; it hurts my joints! BUT…I can still run for an hr+ without having to slow down on the treadmill. So as always, the ability to move my body is not being taken for granted at all. I really do take time to appreciate how blessed I am to be able to move my body; I know many who are robbed of this precious gift early on in life.

03/10/2o16

You guys! I think God is going to hold true on His part in giving me the gift that I asked for at the beginning of this pregnancy. I remember, just 6 weeks in, I requested from him a very special gift–the ability to continue to run. As the second trimester comes to a close, I’ve noticed that I’m still able to run a an 8K, 5-6 days of the week! The best part is that I still enjoy running throughout my pregnancy. So, thank you God! Your mercy and bounty melts my heart!

Running and physical activity have been such empowering, feel-good constants in my life, so it it’s such a blessing to be able to hold onto them during pregnancy. Pregnancy is marked with so many changes and fluctuations, so it really is a miracle to have anything that remains steady. Speaking of changes, I can’t believe that I am nearing the end of my second trimester! Ahh! This is my last week of the 6^th month! Where is the time going by? Alhamdullilah, though, I am grateful that I have been able to feel, more or less, like myself throughout this experience. I’ve got to say that overall, my pregnancy has been pretty darn good. I may gripe about portions of it sometimes, but that’s just me being human and aimlessly trying to magnify the “black spot” on the white dress. I can say with full certainty that in the future, I am going to look back on this time and be grateful that it was a beautiful and comfortable experience.

Ah. I genuinely hope that my pregnancy experience will offer hope to tense hearts that are contemplating motherhood. Though the journey is so variable and depends on woman-to-woman, I can testify that my pregnancy has left me feeling physically stronger, more energized and capable. I think the weight gain paired with my consistent training has resulted in a lot of my “pregnancy weight” to be muscle. These gains, in turn, have transformed my body into a platform for new feats and personal records.

Throughout the pregnancy transitions, I’ve really had to remind myself: “gaining weight is not the same thing as gaining fat.”

Through discipline and self-regimented behavior, I’ve really been proactive about making my pregnancy a comfortable and healthy transition for myself and for my baby. I remember finding out I was pregnant, and being absolutely terrified of the changes that awaited me.

“But my body is going to blow up uncontrollably, and the cravings are going to be these demonic monsters that will forcefully cause me to devour large quantities of unhealthy foods. What’s worse is that this is going to cause so many muscle aches, relentless inflammation and edema and I won’t be able to even move—much less run.”

Now that I’m closing off my second trimester, I can say that I’m really thankful that NONE of my incessant fears actually manifested themselves into reality.

I think our perception of pregnancy is shaped so much by what society tells us. But,listen up. Because I’M here to tell you is that yes, there is a bit of truth to the societal messages, BUT there is ONLY about a miniscule grain of truth in there. Yes, you do gain weight. Yes, your belly grows. Yes, there are changes. You are pregnant after all. But these changes are not as uncontrollable and sporadic as I had imagined them to be. I’m really thankful that I’ve gained a healthy amount of weight, and that my baby girl is growing beautifully; at the same time, however, I can honesty say that I have been rigid in my discipline to stay physically active [so that a lot of that added weight can be muscle].

So what about these crazy preggers cravings? In my experience, the cravings are certainly noticeable and do arise. However, they are not dementors from Harry Potter, rattling your soul until you give into them. Ultimately, YOU have the final say over whether to give into the craving or not. It boils down to your ability to maintain a precarious balance between sometimes “giving in” and other times, “steering clear.”

As far as not being able to move during pregnancy, unless there is a medical reason for a mother not to be physically active, I highly advocate for and recommend physical activity to EVERYONE. It has helped so much in warding off the common aches and pains of pregnancy. It’s done wonders to counteract the effects of the horomone, relaxin (which in preparation for birth, causes all your ligaments to become more lax than usual). It’s actually really fun because I can get away with not stretching as thoroughly because my pregnant body is more likely to assume the “wet noodle-like” flexible disposition. Thank god, I haven’t had any edema; I think that’s largely due to the fact that I’m so physically active. My lower extremeties only get achey when I’m completely at rest or standing still for a long period of time. Counterintuitively, my limbs feel SO much better WITH movement and activity.***so I just realized that this this ended up being a long rant on my pregnancy, but hey! I deserve it! I’ve been growing a human being for 6 months! Eeeep ❤

All in all, the essence of what I was getting at is still related to the gratitude practice. I am really grateful for the fact that my pregnancy experience, thus far, has been a comfortable, steady and smooth one. It’s definitely been marked with changes, but these changes have happened gradually, instilling a sense of safety and stability. I don’t feel out-of-control, helpless or disempowered. On most days, I recognize what a blessing that is. I’d also like to take a moment to express and really FEEL how deeply thankful I am that our fears are not always true. It isn’t always the worst case scenario. The endless horrific “what-if” situations are minds create are usually just mere figments of our imagination. None of the fears I been anxious about have come true.

I’m also thankful for myself, because I acknowledge the central role I’ve had in this; from the beginning, I was proactive in making sure that I was doing everything I could do to set myself up for a comfortable, relaxing pregnancy. I did what I had to do then, and have done what I needed to do every single passing day. Now, I can tell you that my dedication has manifested itself into a pregnancy experience that has felt safe, smooth, and steady for me. A mom who feels strong and safe is inadvertently in a better position to provide those things for her child. I’m thankful for the consistency and dedication that I’ve demonstrated to myself throughout this process; I know that my work ethic and tenacity are CENTRAL reasons why my experience ended up being the one I desired. Pregnancy has taught me that I’m stronger than I knew, both mentally and physically. I am so grateful that I have some power in dictating my future.

03/11/2016

Well, first of all, I’m so grateful to be safe today. There has been some torrential rainfall in Louisiana, and frankly, I am terrified of lightening and thunderstorms. Lol, I spent most of the night keeping my poor husband awake because each time it would thunder, I would jump and crawl under the sheets. Thank God, I’m blessed to have a partner that is patient enough wrap me in his soothing embrace just to let me know that everything is going to be okay—even if it is for the 1000^th time that night.

I’m grateful for our new home; I do have to say that it still seems unfamiliar. In it, I feel like a cat who doesn’t have her scent over the belongings just yet! But regardless, the house is beautiful. It’s so much bigger than our old apartment! With each passing day, I am starting to get acquainted with this place too. I’m beginning to recognize its unique creeks and sounds, and with it, I’m beginning to honor the the living breathing energy of this place.

I’m also really grateful for being able to move my body, today (as always). I was reminiscing about my earlier pregnancy days and how terrified I felt that something was going to happen to make it to where I wouldn’t be able to remain physically active. To be honest, physical activity has been such an outlet of stress, toxic energy and negative thoughts for me. God provides different routes for His people to heal and sustain themselves, and I really think that my body and mind heal in the act of movement. That, and reading/listening to books about other people’s journeys and what they’ve learned in life is most healing to me.

With exercise, I build a platform that carries over into the rest of my life. It is a place for me to test my own boundaries, shatter my previous limitations, and feel empowered, capable and STRONG.

So often, I walk away from a trying workout thinking: “I was given this life because I am strong enough to live it.”

Speaking of books earlier, I heard this amazing little audible book and it really uplifted my moods and put me in a better spirit. I’m very grateful for its lesson on self-love.

I highly recommend this book to everyone who desires greater self-compassion, and an increased ability to forgive oneself. Though the book in itself is only a two-hour read (or listen), it is absolutely phenomenoal. The messages that it presents are clear, straight-to-the-point, and have a way of penetrating through your heart! This book is all about valuing yourself and treating yourself as if you were one of the most valuable blessings in your own life (which you really are!). I know that I personally struggle with the “nice girl phenomenon.” I get stuck in a whirlwind of trying to please everyone, so much so that I often end up neglecting my own intuitive inner calling. I’m guilty of being truly neglectful in taking care of my needs. Sometimes, all I want to do is feel safe, and I know exactly the things to do to help create that atmosphere of safety, but if I realize that some other person has a competing demand, I’ll neglect my inner calling to satisfy their requests. Since time is limited, this leaves me empty, drained and too tired to attend to myself later on.

This book helped remind me of my own inherent worth, and the fact that I deserve just as much kindness, love and concnern as any other creature of the universe. The book also helps provide a nifty little toolbox of techniques to utilize in making sure that adequate love is being directed to my innermost self. I’m so thankful for the wise, direct, and honest testament of Kamal Ravikant. I really admire and honor the courage within his heart; it takes immense bravery to share filtered, raw experiences that are so personal. It is because of people like him, practicing such bravery, that make it to where their message so accessible to the rest of us.

03/12/2016

Today, I’m really grateful for rest. I feel like with the moving in process, and our respective careers/education, my husband and I have been consistently on the go. Today, we finally got a chance to have a low-key day/night where we simply enjoyed the company of one another. We spent most of the morning watching Netflix and slipping in and out of sleep. There is something so soothing and glorious about just being wrapped up in my husband’s embrace. Those two limbs may just seem like ordinary limbs to you, but to me—they are absolutely magical. His arms are my home.

I’m also grateful for my cats. You know, humans have this really pestering habit of fearing the future or overanalyzing the past; animals, on the other hand, seem to only live in the present moment. It doesn’t matter if it’s only been an hour since the last time they saw you. When their beady little eyes lay their sight on you, they are just as hopelessly excited that you’re there, as they were the very first time around. They are magical little creatures; magical little angels that encourage us by bringing us back into the present moment with them! I’m so grateful for their sweet, kind presence in my home.

I’m also really grateful for my physical capacity, even this late in the pregnancy. This is a huge relief to me, and to my soul. I’m also very grateful that God has used physical activity as a means to infuse strength, hope and empowerment into my body and soul; all of these qualities help compound my faith, thereby enabling me to become a better person to myself and to others.

I’m also truly grateful for my cousin, Shuji, recovering from Ewing’s Sarcoma. I think today, he is going in for his last round of chemotherapy, post-operation; I have a feeling that this will be the last time he has to cross paths with cancer again. I mean, even cancer would be ashamed to come back after such a brutal annihilation, not once, but TWICE by the same man! I derive so much strength from my cousin’s journey. Every time I feel too “lazy” or too “burned out” to go use the capable and healthy body/mind I have been gifted with, I remember that my cousin has to sometimes, spend weeks in the hospital at a time receiving treatment. Wouldn’t he much rather be out there, doing what people do in their 20s? Wouldn’t he rather be out there playing sports, partaking in physical activity, utilizing his limbs to experience just as much displaced enjoyment in the world?

03/14/2016

Ah! A new beautiful day! You know what I’ve been really grateful for? This practice. It’s been about 21 days of my writing in the gratitude journals and I’d like to take the time to reflect on my journey. Doing the gratitude practice has really taught me to actively seek out the little miracles in life. I’ve found that looking for these small magical things is analogous to the childhood story, “Hansel and Gretel.” The good things in life are like the breadcrumbs that we leave behind, as we go on through our days, busily pursuing our goals.

breadcrumbs-web — leaving gratitude breadcrumbs behind…

It is only in revisiting the trail (or our days), and in retrospect that we can truly detect the value of each breadcrumb that we left behind. Together, these miniscule moments of gratitude are sprinkled far and frequently enough to make our entire day! This brings me to another point about this practice. I’ve learned that I have to be intentional in practicing gratitude. Before the start of my practice, my level of gratefulness towards the universe depended on external events (ie; if I have a “good day”, I’m grateful. If I have a “bad day”, I’m ungrateful). What this practice has taught me is that gratitude is an intentional practice. We have to CHOOSE to find the good things amongst the bad—and this can be done on even the most trying days. If we spend enough time maneuvering through the dirt of a hard day, we will find some speckles of glitter amidst our experience.

This goes hand in hand with one of the Buddhist teachings that I really love—the concept of yin-yang.

The truth of this teaching was demonstrated through my own gratitude practice. If I looked hard enough, there was always something “good” amongst the bad. Likewise, if I looked at days that I monotonously painted with the overtone of “good”, there were some glaring “not-so-good” parts about them too. Suffering is always there, but the mercy of God (or the universe, or laws of nature) is that the nature of suffering is that it is always interrupted. Nothing is all bad, 100% of time; no challenge is felt at its 100% maximum intensity threshold forever. Suffering is layered with moments of joy, and joy is layered with moments of vulnerability and suffering. The gratitude practice helped refortify and reaffirm this truth about life. I am grateful for this relieving reminder. I don’t have to take every little challenge so seriously because it is all temporary. Suffering is temporary. Joy is temporary. The feelings brought upon by each sentiment are temporary. This too shall pass.

I’m also really grateful for a better picture of my priorities. Doing this practice repetitively highlighted the patterns in my life; it effectively illuminated the blessings that I feel most grateful for in my life. Upon re-reading my entries, I’ve realized that there are glaring, unifying themes in regards to what I feel most grateful for. This helped me to see “what’s working” or “what’s going right” in my life. It gently showed me that my relationship with my husband, interpersonal connection with family, my physical ability to move, the omnipotent presence of God, and my coming baby girl are all blessings that I appear to be repetitively grateful for. I also discovered that I really desire and crave to expand my boundaries, whether it be in terms of knowledge or physical capacity. I like setting precarious limitations, only to see myself shatter them. The resilient human spirit is really inspirational and awe-inspiring to me.

In summary, however, the biggest lesson that I have acquired through the gratitude practice is this:

Happiness is a choice.

It is not just a magical predicament you fall into on certain random days. Yes, some days, it is easier to make the choice to be happy, but it IS a choice, nontheless. If I really wanted to, I could try to be crabby even on the most blessed, happy of days. Happiness is a choice—it is a choice that is not nearly as dependent on our specific circumstances, but rather on our perception of them. The mind is a very capable tool; it is excellent at using its faculties to magnify/minimize certain aspects of the same day. If I make the intention to be happy, I CAN be happy—regardless of what I accomplish/don’t accomplish that day, regardless of whether it rains or whether there’s sunshine, regardless of whether my husband and I are engaging in an itty bitty hissy fit committee, or if things are purrfect.

The conditions don’t have to be “just right”. Instead, I can utilize creativity in every moment to try to do the things that I love, and therefore, try to optimize happiness. For example, if I can’t get the motivation to get up and go to the gym, I could utilize flexibility and literally do a workout in the comfort of my own home. I have so many materials that would allow me to do that. If things are feeling tense with my husband in one aspect, I can try to create a soothing and comforting environment in a myriad other ways. There is not just ONE way to happiness. That is profound and relieving; I’d like to leave the entry on this note.

Happiness is always “creatable.” Sometimes, when we have all the necessary parts available to us, it is easier to create. Other times, when some of those tools (like motivation, determination, passion, inspiration, love) are lacking, it is a little harder to create—but not impossible.

We have the amazing freedom to achieve happiness by creatively approaching our predicaments in flexible ways. We don’t have to change the destination, but we also don’t have to be rigid in our approach; if we want happiness, we can create it. Sometimes, we just need to be willing to consider that there is always more than one way to create it. Flexibility in approach and resolute in destination.

life-isnt-abt-finding-yourself-sayquotable

❤ Thank YOU for coming along with me on my 21-day journey to gratitude ❤

I love you all and I will definitely be filling up my blog with nifty new things soon!

Gratitude Experiment, I ponder about life..., My struggles, Pregnancy, Uncategorized

The Gratitude Experiment: Week 2

February 22, 2016 mahamabidtalent Leave a comment

02/15/2016

I am so so thankful that my cousin’s surgery was successful! It went even better than the medical team had predicted. His chemotherapy had helped shrink the tumor to a miniscule amount, so it was quite easy to remove; the surgeons didn’t have to become too invasive and his diaphragm was left untouched! Consequently, the procedure was short and afterwards, Shuji was transferred directly to a hospital room. Yay! He had to spend no time in the ICU! And, guess what? He’s cancer-free!!!!! If that isn’t cause to celebrate, then I don’t know what is!

I’m also feeling particularly thankful for such loving in-laws. I know many people have horror stories about “monster-in-laws”, but by the grace of God, I have been spared from the challenging trial; My in-laws are so sweet, and I really respect, admire and look up to them. I tell my mother-in-law that if I can raise my daughter to be half the person she raised ALL of her children to be, I’ll be pleased. I’m really thankful for the fact that I will be able to seek her advice as I raise my own daughter. I love how much my in-laws, and the entire extended family love me and care about me. I have never felt like they treated me any differently from their own. Even the extended family has accepted me with arms and hearts wide-open; now, I feel as if they are more like my OWN cousins rather than my husband’s. I am grateful that we live in proximity to the entire family; this gives me the opportunity to interact with them more often!

You know who my heart is especially grateful for recently? My sister-in-law.

She is literally a ray of sunshine in the family, and in my own life. Through her silly imitations, to her cute little antics, she is consistently making everyone around her laugh and smile. Saman is one of the most caring people I’ve ever met; it’s really rare to find a person who is so balanced in terms of being cognitive, and being sentimental. She is a tigress—she has iron-clad strength and a will that is indomitable, but somehow, there is this undeniable softness about her too. Even though she is younger than me, I look up to her so much! Every time I see her, I’m so thankful for her. She protects, and loves me like I’m her own child.

Speaking of children, there is one aspect of interacting with my sister-in-law that I am so utterly thankful for. I don’t even know if my words will do an equitable job of capturing how grateful I feel about this—I am absolutely in awe of the continual excitement she expresses for her coming niece. I can’t even tell you how excited she is, lol. She is a akin to a cat around catnip every time there is any talk of her precious “niece-to-come!” Even if it’s something as ordinary as normal results from routine blood work, ultrasound images, or just chats about baby clothes…she becomes beyond ENTHUSED! Having that sort of powerful positive energy around me is SO beneficial. On some days, when I feel bloated, sick and irritated with pregnancy changes, I literally bring to mind HER excitement; her eagerness to meet my daughter rubs off on me, and starts to make me really excited once more. On some days, it is solely her pure-hearted joy and love for our daughter that recharges me, and inspires me to keep on persevering.

When my own motherly love gets clouded with the discomforts of the pregnancy process, it is HER love that floods in through my heart and fills in the gaps. My daughter is going to be so lucky to have her as an aunt; to be honest, I’m kinda jealous! 😛 The other day, I was driving home after visiting my in-laws, and I literally turned to my husband and declared: “I have to DELIVER this child safely and soundly for Saman.” Her unwavering joy is such a motivating force for me. The fact that she is so excited for our daughter makes this process so much more appealing for us. Saman, you have always been such a source of joy, but I can’t even tell you how much my love has compounded for you throughout my pregnancy experience.

02/16/2016

To tell you the truth, today was a really rough day. My self-image was distortedly horrible. I felt really terrible about myself, and this only led to me feeling more and more unlovable. What’s more is that when I’m feeling entrenched in the grips of depression, I feel like a burden to those around me. I feel like my sadness might be “contagious” and bring them down , so it becomes really hard for me to seek out support. It becomes hard to let others in, especially those whom I care about the most. I don’t want an ounce of negativity to scathe the ones I love–not even mine. But that’s a double edged sword, because my not reaching out leaves me feeling lonely and and rejected. This feeling of isolation only makes these days more unbearable.

Being the kind, protecting, and caring soul that he is, I know that my husband will want to stay with me and do everything in his power to try to make me feel better. Unfortunately, sometimes there is nothing that he (or anyone else) can do in the immediate future to make it better. You know the kind of days I’m talking about? The only thing that makes these days okay again is time. Much like a virus, we have to sometimes let these emotional disturbances arise, let them take their course, and minimize the lingering effects they leave behind. At the same time, however, I recognize and appreciate how blessed I am that there are people in my life that WANT to help so eagerly. Today, I am grateful for the support that I always have available (regardless of my receptivity to it). I realize that it is such a huge blessing, and I feel so humbled that there is someone out there who is trying to help, even though I’m sure it is much easier to let the storm pass, and return when things are brighter!

On days like today, I can see why the gratitude practice is so necessary. Today, I am finding that I’m more thankful for what didn’t absolutely go wrong, rather than all the wonderful things that happened. So, I’m thankful for time, and the fact that it is always passing; this makes it to where even the worst days can only last for a maximum of 24 hours. I’m thankful that I wasn’t hurt physically today, and that my health is still unimpaired; I am thankful for my limbs that allowed me to work out, and my mind that really shone through with its unwavering work ethic and discipline, (because trust me, what I really wanted to do was just lay in bed and mope all day). I am thankful for my family and friends, and their kind loving interactions with me. I’m thankful for all the things that could have gone wrong today, but didn’t—the weather was beautiful; the people in my life are safe and healthy; I am physically capable etc. But a part of me feels like I’m phony in writing these things; i feel like I’m not really connecting to them as I write them, and solely writing them because they are “the right things” to say.

Let’s get honest. You know what I’m really thankful for? I’m really thankful that today is about to be over, and that tomorrow is a new day. I’m utterly grateful for hope, new beginnings and the fact that things can change. I’m thankful that, even though I have no guarantees, I have HOPE for a better day tomorrow, and you know what? I will cling to that today. I am thankful for sleep, because it is a time machine to get through tough times! I can’t wait to get some zZzzZz in soon. I’m thankful that I am partaking in this gratitude practice, and that I get a chance to write out my thoughts and feelings. I’m grateful for the possibility that once I publish this, even ONE of you might be able to relate to it and find some solace in this entry. I’m grateful for Netflix, and warm baths, and massages that seem to make days like today more manageable. And lastly, I am immensely immensely immensely thankful that this is only temporary. I am grateful for the knowledge that our minds are not always 100% honest with us. Just because I feel like I’m a crummy being doesn’t mean that I really am. My perception can be distorted. Thank GOD for that. I’m thankful for prayer and for the ability to be optimistic about the future. Ugh! and for heating pads…I have one wrapped around my lower back as I type this up and it is ever so soothing!

So here’s to hoping for a better tomorrow, and for a big dollop of gratitude for the little things that went right/didn’t go wrong today!

02/17/16

Today was a beautiful day—one of those days that makes you sigh in peace as you rest your head to sleep. It’s not even like something astoundingly magical happened; rather, I think it was magical that I was aware enough to recognize the extraordinary in the ordinary moments. I’m so full of gratitude today and I’m so thankful to be feeling this way. Through this daily practice, I’ve come to realize that there is a natural rhythm/fluctuation in my relationship with gratitude; on some days, my heart is so full and content, and other days, it is more restless and dissatisfied. So above all, I am grateful for being able to notice and feel the beauty of the little things.

I flew back home today to visit my family; I am thankful for a safe flight, and for the fact that we have accommodations that can allow us to visit loved ones and stay in touch. I’m thankful for my mom, and how she always has my favorite foods ready; I’m thankful for the burst of joy that I feel when I see my little sister for the first time; I’m grateful for my dad’s comforting embrace that just makes me feel like everything is right in the world again.

There’s something really lovely about being in your childhood room again—to lay in the same bed in which you used to dream about the things you have now. I can’t remember how many times I wished to find a loving, stable, and caring partner as I fell asleep here. I giggle as I recall how “being a mom one day” seemed like such a distant desire just a few years ago. Ah.

I am also grateful for this really sweet interaction I had on the way home; in between my flights, I stopped by to use the restroom. The lady that was working there to maintain and upkeep the condition of the facility was so unbelievably sweet. It’s not so much what she did or didn’t do; it was her presence and demeanor that made the interaction. Her friendly tone and welcoming smile was enough to make my drowsy self feel more happy, simply by being around her.

I am also really grateful for a simple exchange via Instagram. I reached out to an old high school friend and asked her what it felt like to be a mother; she responded enthusiastically, saying it was such a sweet experience! I could sense the genuineness in her response, and it made me eager to meet my own daughter!

You know what else I am so, over the moon, grateful for? The love that I feel from my husband’s family. The extended family is such a tight-knit support system and I’m so blessed to know them, and to be loved by them. Sweet little chats with them are such a breath of fresh air; I love that they tolerate my crazy cat lady memes, and forgive me so generously for my shortcomings. I truly have found new meaning to what it means to be a family after being married to Faraz. The way everyone watches out for one another, and cares for each other is downright inspiring. I love that we live so close to them; it gives me a first class seat to observe and experience the generosity, love and compassion they employ in their interactions.

Speaking of extended families…I’m so utterly grateful to his cousins (which I lovingly claim as all mine now). Seriously though, each one of them…they are mine now. I am so grateful that for two twin cousins, alongside my sister-in-law, who are so eager to help plan out my baby shower!!! Sugar or spice? These girls are everything nice! From coming up with themes, to suggesting wall décor and party favors, I can tell that they are really trying to make this a special experience for me. And you know what?…it already is! I feel so loved, cared for and special already! Themes and colors aside…it is their eager desire for involvement that has had me floored and speechless. The fact that there are people in my life that want to make this a special occasion for me is so incomparably special! I don’t want to take that type of love for granted; I realize how blessed I am to share my life with angels who desire to see me smile and to experience my happiness, right next to me!

02/18/2016

Today was a great day! I am thankful for sleep. I slept in till 12 pm today, and trust me, it was glorious. I’ve had interrupted sleep for a few days now and so something as simple as getting a good night (and day) sleep was a lovely blessing.

I am also really grateful for the ability to “show up” for my life. Recently, I’ve been repeating that statement quite a lot to myself. “Maham, all you have to do is get dressed and show up.” What do I mean by that? On the days I find a lot of resistance in my mind to working out or doing another task, I repeat that statement countless times. It’s been really beneficial because it forces me to go into an experience without any performance-oriented expectations. All I have to do is literally get dressed, and show up. What happens after is not my battle; it is God’s. I’ve done what I can do, and the rest is up to Him. And you know what? I can certainly attest to the fact that He has not been stingy with infusing His mercy and strength into my life. I’m truly grateful. I find myself telling God the following often: “I’m not much. My motivation is at best, wavering. I get carried away easily. My emotions often control me and I really don’t have much to offer you. But if you want to use me to do something, I’m all yours.” It’s ironic because after saying that prayer, I’ve noticed, many times, that He will allow me to accomplish things beyond what I expected from myself!

Another thing I’m really grateful for is being able to spend time with my parents. I love watching the people they’ve grown up to become; they are such amazing, dynamic individuals. As I’ve gotten older, they’ve become less and less “my parents who do things for me” and more and more seperate “people with their own set of hopes and dreams.” I love hearing about their dreams, goals and reflections upon their lives. Over the years, I’ve seen them grow together as each one of the birds leaves the nest. First, I got married and left. Then, Ahad went to medical school a few hours away, and now they have Anu going to college. These human beings I call “Mama” and “Baba”, who dedicated so much of their time and energy into raising us, are now finding themselves with abundant gaps of emptiness.

The way they have started to fill these gaps is through developing beneficial routines. They sit together and watch certain TV shows; they pray together; they memorize the Quran together, and practice their recitations on one another. But, one of the activities they partake in really softens my heart. And, it is their nightly “exercise hour.” After praying maghrib, they both put on old music and my mom gets a workout on the elliptical while my dad lifts. You need to watch them during this exercise hour to understand what I feel. It’s like they go into their own little world, where they are fully entrenched in helping support each other’s goals and wellbeing. As they get older, I’ve watched them morph into strong sturdy pillars of companionship for one another; it really brings about a heart-tugging sensation within me. Watching my aged parents find solace in routine and relentlessly support one another in something like “an exercise hour” makes my heart tender, soft and full of love towards them. I watch as they attempt to cope with the aging process, and the natural sadness that arises from their once-full nest, now getting emptier and emptier. I have boundless mercy in my hearts for them.

Finally, I am also really thankful today for… CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! My little sister and I were craving a batch of freshly made cookies, so we literally ran out to the grocery store at 10 pm to gather our supplies. And we baked it off, talked and laughed until the most buttery, warm, gooey, savory, delectable, mouth-watering, tender-to-touch cookies were baked. Oh my goodness! They were so warm and soft–so appetizing! I love how their delectable aroma fills the entire home and makes it seem like you’re living in a delicious gingerbread house! and of course—I was grateful to be able to enjoy a sweet treat with my sweet sister!

02/19/2016

Today was a challenging day. I haven’t been as regimented on my diet as I usually am; coming home to all this delicious food made with mama’s love and care has certainly been savory, however, it has thrown off my routine nutritional intake. And though my routine has only been disrupted for all but two to three days, it is certainly making me feel like I’m losing self-control. I feel anxious. This is a really scary place for me to be in. I like to do things a certain way, and prefer to have some sense of predictability to almost all aspects of my life. So today—I am trying to be grateful that life has provided me the opposite of that! I’m pretty sure this challenge is an opportunity to break out of stringent, rigid routines, and experience some level of spontaneity. Despite the feelings of anxiety and worry that uncertainty brings about, it is necessary to be flexible in life. I’m grateful for life repeating a lesson that I really need to learn; I need to realize that if I’m not micro-managing every little aspect of my life, things still turn out relatively okay. Nothing catastrophic happens; the plate tectonics beneath my feet do not suddenly shift. A few changes in routine are healthy and okay.

Simultaneously, however, even though I was able to indulge in a few “cheat days”, I am grateful that I possess the necessary insight to monitor things before they spiral out of moderation. It is glaring that I work very hard on my physical fitness, and I don’t want to continue on this cycle…before I know it, “a few days” may turn into “a few months”; I work tenaciously to train myself. I fuel myself with conscious foods so that my body performs at its optimal. I don’t want to toss dirt all over my efforts…and I don’t have to. That is why I am so immensely thankful that I am under no obligation to be the same person I was just five seconds ago. Sure, I can accept the things that I cannot change BUT I can also change the things that I accept. I’m thankful for new beginnings, the courage to start again, and the fact that every moment passing by has the inherent potential to change our lives forever. I’m thankful for choices and self-control; I am grateful that I can choose to no longer keep indulging, and operate life from a more cognitive mindset.

Speaking of making changes, I am thankful for the realization that I have to start incorporating more strength training into my regimen—especially given my pregnancy. Pregnancy hormones have a tendency to make joints lax, and strength training is beneficial to help prevent injury and promote an easier delivery/recovery. I have a sporadic relationship with strength training, as it is not my favorite thing to do! However, again, I can choose to consciously start to incorporate it at more timely intervals, because it will not only help my body do the things that it loves more efficiently (cardio), but also enable a speedier labor and delivery!

Lastly, I was really thankful today for a moment with my sister. As we were driving around to pick up new headphones, we started to listen to old songs; the Hannah Montana soundtrack emerged from the dust, and we literally fell back into childhood mode. We laughed, and sang along at the top of our lungs—not a care in the world as to who was watching, or what was happening around us. It was a moment lavished with 100% spontaneity, and no cognitive interruptions. I’m really grateful for moments like that—the moments that your heart is so full of joy in the littlest things, and you are fully emerged in the present. You are alive.

02/20/2016

Walking is such a blessing. Since I’m visiting my parents, the nearest gym is 3 miles away; because of the proximity, I have made it a point to walk there and back every time I intend to workout. It’s a great way to warm up, and it places me in the arms of nature. I love watching the trees, weather, and birds; on my way, I say “hi” to the adored neighborhood alligator that hangs out outside the pond on warm days like today. I’m grateful for the experience of walking, and how it is an activity that is slow enough to connect with, both, mind and body. As you probably know, I love fast-paced cardiovascular activities; they leave me feeling empowered, capable, and strong! Walking is different. It feels unfamiliar, but in the most beautiful way. I’m intrigued by it, and what it brings out of me. I’m grateful, curious, and excited for the new relationship I’m building with it.

I’m really grateful for Audible, and other technology that allows me to listen to words of wisdom from so many different books as I workout, get dressed or just hang out! I love hearing the stories and experiences of others; it’s beautiful, because in the moment that their words resonate with me, the lives of those authors and my journey crossover for a second. When they say something that just hits my heart, they make me feel connected to them and the rest of the world.

So, do you want to hear about a really exciting experience? I’m now able to SEE my daughter kick underneath my stomach!!! You guys, when I’m laying flat on the ground, breathing deeply and evenly, I can definitely see a rise in my abdomen where she kicks. Its too soon to tell whether it’s her little footsie or her hand, but there is definitely a distinct and momentary rise and fall. I showed my little sister, and I’m pretty sure she is convinced that I’m harboring ET in my tummy; it’s funny creeping her out!

I’m very grateful for friendship. I’m so blessed to know loving friends, who graciously forgive my shortcomings, and love me regardless of the fact that I’m imperfect. I’m grateful for good conversations and great pizza at Mellow Mushroom.

02/21/2016

Today, I am grateful for forgiveness and mercy. I’m grateful, that if we choose, we have the ability move on from feelings of shame, guilt, and fear. We have all done or said things in our lives that we would take back, if given the chance. I know I certainly have. Sometimes, I let the weight of previous mistakes hunker me down. I become so weighed down with my own guilt and shame, and find myself asking: “what if I haven’t been forgiven?” I have this unrelenting fear that if haven’t been “forgiven”, there is a looming punishment around the bend, just waiting to hit me. It’s almost as if I expect something really terrible to happen, and when it does, I’ll feel like I deserve it—because of my past mistakes. That’s a terribly excruciating burden to carry around. To think that I don’t deserve happiness, fulfillment, and love because of mistakes I’ve made in the past is a distorted and crippling belief. Thank God that it’s a belief that I can choose to reject.

I’m grateful for this insight, and for other self-discoveries. I know that I tend to assume a lot more guilt and shame than I probably deserve; simultaneously, I’m hesitant to allocate culpability to others. This makes me a prime candidate for negative self-talk, feelings of low self-worth, and just feeling like I’m not good enough or deserving. I think one of my greatest fears in life is that I’m inherently unlovable; oftentimes, I feel like I don’t deserve the love I have. In my human journey, I somehow equated my self-worth with performance and accomplishments. It seems as if my “loveability” is contingent on what I do/don’t do rather than who I am/am not. Over time, I’ve come to realize that my worth is is unchanging. It is present because of who I inherently am, not what what I do/don’t do; but it’s been hard to integrate this new belief into my preexisting cognitive schema. I am thankful, however, that I’m much closer to believing this now than I was in previous years.

God, I am so utterly grateful that my actual self-worth is a quantity that does not change with my wavering self-concept—that my worth remains the same, whether or not I choose to recognize and acknowledge it. I am grateful that God and the universe are more forgiving towards me than I am towards myself. I’m thankful that despite my beliefs about whether or not I deserve love, I am given love. I am grateful that my thoughts about myself and the world are not 100% foolproof correct; I am also simultaneously thankful for the ability to recognize these distortions when they arise.

On a different note, I am so excited that I got to run outside today! Initially, I was so scared; every thought in my mind was telling me I won’t be able to do it; “it’s going to be so hard, and your body is going to feel so miserable” my brain repeated, “you’re going to be so slow, and it’s going to feel agonizing.” But, I hesitantly mustered up the courage to get outside, start, and next thing I know…I was just putting one foot in front of the other. Yes, I was slower than usual. Yes, I could tell that it was harder on my body than it would be if I were running on a treadmill. I want you guys to imagine carrying a cantaloupe and running long-distances with it. (That’s literally how big my baby is right now!) It felt different, for sure. But I was happy that I got out there and showed myself that I can handle tough workouts. It was just another opportunity to reaffirm that my brain does not always tell the truth; I don’t have to listen to every single thought that runs through it. Some thoughts are better left discarded. I realized, again, today that the voices that say “I can’t do it” are usually not mine. It was also very much a blessing to be able to run the last mile with my sister!

I ponder about life..., My struggles, Pregnancy

Change: How the HECK will I survive this?

January 22, 2016 mahamabidtalent Leave a comment

So I thought about writing about a lot of different things this week; I could speak about my fitness routine, my nutrition, and other topics that a few of you have expressed interest in. But, can I be completely honest with you?

There’s a lingering issue that has kept tugging on my heart recently. I feel that if I didn’t share it with you, I would be denying myself (and you) of the utmost authentic interaction we could have.

The matter that my mind and heart have been grappling with is the pesky concept of change. C-H-A-N-G-E. I mean, on some level, we all know that things change– that nothing remains the same. We wake up to different day with a brand-new sunrise; we nonchalantly check our clocks at work and realize that “time has passed.” But, really, how many of us have actually contemplated this idea of change in its profundity? Yes, I mean the absolutely scary, spine-chilling, hair-raising parts that accompany this inevitable truth. Everything is subject to change. Our bodies will not stay the same; neither will our minds. There is an imminent timeline on both our physical and mental capabilities; there will come a day when they, too, will change, and begin to deteriorate with age. To me, the most grievous part of the changing process is having to let the people in our lives change. The people we hold so dear to our hearts—our husbands, partners, fathers, brothers, mothers, sister, friends—even they are subject to the basic unsparing principle of impermanence; it’s heart wrenching to think that at times, letting these people change means coping with the fact that they must transition through and out of this world;there will come a day when you and I will no longer be able find comfort in the warm, soothing embraces of our beloveds.

But are change, impermanence and even death really as wretched as we make them out to be? Even the “we” that assigns these processes as negative and painful is not permanent. So, no. I don’t believe this processes are inherently bad. I think they just inherently are.

Recently, change and impermanence have been sowing through my spirit deeply and painfully. Pregnancy has a way of highlighting the truths we work so arduously to ignore; I mean, your growing body makes life’s consistent fluctuations quite difficult to neglect. Pregnancy is a time of great physical and emotional change for women. Everything from the size of our bellies to the speed at which our hearts beat, to how much blood is pumping through our veins fluctuates voraciously over a cramped period of nine months.

And to me, that’s frankly terrifying. In our society, there are far too many ludicrous “old-wives tales” and burdensome stereotypes about pregnancy. One such implicates pregnancy to be a time in which expectant women are only allowed to burst with love for the miraculous gift of life they are growing; ~~(forget bursting with tears over the fluctuating horomones, and physiological aches and pains~~). Pregnancy is said to be an exciting, incomparable and life-altering experience. Yes, that is true. But society can be too hasty in glazing over the unfavorable aspects.

For me, the most challenging aspect of pregnancy has been tolerating its rapid and repetitive changes. I, personally, have a very difficult time coexisting with uncertainty and change. My most amiable attitude towards it can be described as mandatory toleration. “Change, I acknowledge that you exist” but ” I’m absolutely terrified of you, and would like it if you could just stay as far away from me as possible…”

“Oh, and if you must come…please arrive as slowly and gently as possible.”

To hell with that in pregnancy.

~CHANGES IN PREGNANCY~

I’m about mid-way through my pregnancy, and recently, my growing belly has started playing hide-and-seek with me. At times, I’ll notice the protruding bump, and the next moment it’s completely gone. I can’t help but await in anxious uncertainty, wondering when I’ll “pop.” I have mixed feelings about it. However, for every distressed change, there is an inspiring counterpart. For me, this has been the movement of my baby girl. Whenever I’m very still, (which to be honest, is rare), I’ll feel her fluttering about. Oh my goodness, that sensation is electrifying, and the feelings it creates within me–they are indescribable. Her little butterfly waltz sends a set of my OWN “love flutters” through my heart.

Another major change that is transpiring is the birth of this insatiable hunger. I think this sensation is, by far, the toughest one for me to handle. On a cognitive level, I have heard and known that “pregnancy brings about more hunger; for god sake, you’re growing a baby…” But Yikes!!! Experiencing it firsthand is an entirely different story. You guys, they really weren’t kidding. The thing is that my activity level hasn’t changed drastically (another positive change), but for some odd reason, I was expecting that the same nutrients that were able to sustain me before my pregnancy would be enough for me and my baby. This was true for the first trimester, but now…boy, am I wrong!! And every morning, at 4 am, every morning…this thing awakens within my womb. RAHHHH!!!

Screenshot_2016-01-20-14-37-46-1 — *how i picture my daughter in the womb at the break of dawn*

My little dictator daughter wakes me up with a ravenous hunger that I cannot EVEN put into words. And suddenly, I’m transformed into a horrifying hybrid of the cookie monster and Godzilla; you can find me stamping around the house wanting to eat everything in sight!!! Even silverware! Humor aside…this feeling is honestly quite unfamiliar to me, and its unfamiliarity really frightens me. Its presence makes it apparent to me that the delicate balance that I had found before has been disrupted. My happy, “pre-pregnancy balance” of nutritional intake and activity level is now offset.

So here’s me telling you that if you are, have been, or are planning to get pregnant—it is not all glamorous. And you are under no obligation or oath to enjoy every moment of it.

The ravenous hunger, clamorous queasiness, manic mood swings, inferno-like heartburn, and unpredictable muscle-aches are completely real. Sometimes, they feel more real than the miracle you are actually carrying. And then, there are the cruel comical changes going on in your body…weird changes to your lady parts, bellies expanding to uncomfortable lengths and when you lay your head to sleep, you’re left with a weighty awareness. You are left with the glaring realization that your body does not solely belong to you anymore. You are now sharing control with a whole other being. How freaking scary is that?

So no, you are certainly not a sociopath for being wary of “growing a miracle inside of you.” It does not, by any means, indicate how much you will love and sacrifice for that little human. It just emphasizes that you, too, are just human.

HEY YOU! A lot of you reading this are probably not pregnant, so how does what I’m saying apply to you? Though you may not have a fetus pressing on your bladder as you read this, I can bet that YOU too HAVE had to endure undesirable changes.

ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS

What is your relationship with change? Do you embrace it? Simply tolerate it? Spend great energy in avoiding it?
What are some of the ways you cope with change? What specific things do you do to tolerate it?
What are some aspects of your life that you see undesirable changes in? (fluctuations in weight, in your motivation level, your inspiration, dedication to your relationships, career changes etc.)
How are you currently tolerating these unwanted changes?

So how do I, Maham Abid, recommend that you get get through it? Well, I have 5 WAYS that I use.

Keep reminding yourself that it is only temporary. The not so sharp-sided edge of the sword of change is that it is only temporary. The only that that NEVER changes in life is that EVERYTHING always changes. This means wherever you are in your life—at whatever level of motivation, whatever weight, whatever mood, or whatever circumstance–your current predicament is not your final one; it is subject to change. In essence, “change” is not good or bad; it is our own cognitive perceptions make it out to be the “bad guy.” So theoretically speaking, this means that things could literally change for the better RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT! You could totally win the lottery, get back on the meal plan you desired, muster up enough magical motivation to achieve your goals and live the life you’ve always wanted.

Focus on how things could change/have changed for the better already! I’m not saying that you actually have to make your mind believe this. But, it might be a good idea to simply CONSIDER some positive changes that could potentially come about from your current situation. You’re at rock bottom? Well, there’s only one way to go up from there!

Even for me, there have been several positive changes in pregnancy! My natural tendency is to magnify and worry about the negative ones BUT there are some phenomenal things that HAVE come about as a result of me being pregnant! I’ll (hesitantly) discuss four with you!

POSITIVE #1: I have become a stronger and faster athlete. I am able to run longer distances in faster paced times! Who knew that a few extra pounds would have done that for me?
POSITIVE #2: I have a lot more energy to do the things that I want to do (counterintuitive to most pregnancy stories, but hey, I’m 100% unique!)
POSITIVE #3: I have been super in-tune with my emotions, which has allowed me to become more vulnerable, sensitive and compassionate to those around me. This, in turn, has helped my personal relationships blossom. My network of support is certainly gaining fortitude.
POSITIVE #4: Pregnancy has really elucidated my mind’s propensity to catastrophize and “expect the worst”…this has really forced me to start to break life down to “taking it one day at a time.”

Make time for you- my third recommendation is that if you’re feeling emotionally “off” or down, try to do something that you used to enjoy before. I get it. Sometimes when you’re feeling crummy, it FEELS like you’re going to have to expend enough energy to move mountains in order to do something that you previously enjoyed. This leads me to my next point. But before we go on to that, I really want you to brainstorm of a few activities or hobbies that really made you feel happy, or like yourself before. For me, specifically, this has usually been engaging in physical activity, reading a self-help book or writing.

Start Small: Great things almost always start small. But really, “greatness” is a lofty goal that makes me cringe. I’m sure if you’re feeling helpless at the whims of change, you’ve not even looking for “greatness.” At this point, you’re probably just seeking some seedling of normalcy or “okay-ness” in your day-to-day routine. I’ve got good news for you, because one of the most interesting realizations I’ve come to is that this small, “least expectations” sort of thinking usually results in better progress. For example, there was a time period a few months ago when I just could not get myself to run a MILE. To me, this was a crisis. Here’s someone who is used to running and enjoying 5-7 miles at a time, and now, all of a sudden, I can’t muster up the motivation to run a mile? So logically, I decided that I was going to run half a mile. Yup—that didn’t happen. So I dejectedly lowered my expectations to just taking a walk around the block…that was about as successful as me running a triathlon. You’d think I started by just taking a walk around the block. So I kept lowering my expectations till I finally could get myself to the smallest thing possible to bring me closer to my goal. You know what that was? To read a book about running. So if you’re not seeing any progress, ask yourself, what is an EVEN smaller thing I can do to bring me ½ step closer to living the life I want?

Screenshot_2016-01-20-14-39-07-1 — *If you can’t do great things, do small things in a great way*

Pray- ~Disclaimer~: I really want you to try to detach any religious dogmas and preconceptions you may have when you read this suggestion. I know that the word “pray” can carry a heavy connotation for some who do not believe in God. The reason I have this on my suggestion list is because a lot of my resistance to change is based on the root feeling of FEAR. I’m afraid of change, because I think that things will change for the worse. I’m afraid that with change, something really terrible will happen. What I’ve found is that the only CURE to fear is FAITH. I’m not only referring to faith in a deity such as God, or Jesus, or Buddha (those are fine too though!) I’m referring to having faith in the innate “goodness” of things—having faith in the cause-effect relationships in the universe. I have to remind myself consistently to have faith that things might not turn out as horrible as I have imagined them out to be.

Have a sense of humor– This suggestion is one that I have to thank my dad for. In my last visit, he literally looked at me, smiled and said: “why do you take things so seriously!?” I think part of that is my nature, but I think it’s a really important question to consider! Coming back to the topic of this post—change—everything changes. Nothing stays the same forever, so why do we linger so painstakingly on circumstances that will just pass? I’ve really been trying to joke with my mind, and its tendencies to catastrophize recently. Sometimes, we all just need to step out of ourselves, and look at our minds, and just laugh at the little magical instruments that are working so very hard to protect us from dangers that simply don’t exist yet.

Screenshot_2015-09-14-07-45-31-1 (1).png

NUMBER #5 If you forget everything else, REMEMBER THIS- Not everything your mind tells you is the TRUTH. Your mind knows how to lie too. It’s sole job is to try to protect you. If it senses danger, it switches on its alarms and will create any illusion/delusion it needs to get you to safety. This is a noble and admirable mission, but it can have some annoying consequences too. Depending on who you are, the mind can sometimes react to a mosquito and a lion with the same threat level. So please—do not believe everything your mind tells you. Learn from my mistakes.

~MY CATASTROPHIZING~

I remember during the first trimester, I was SO frightened everyday that I was going to have a miscarriage. Every time I used the bathroom, I expected to see blood denoting “the worst is happening; I’m losing my baby.”

During early second trimester, I was terrified that there was some chromosomal or physiological abnormality in my child…”What if her brain isn’t developed so far?” “What if she has 6 toes?” “What if her ears grow upside down?” Ugh. There is no end.

So I’ll share something something humorous (and totally vulnerable)? Don’t laugh at me. (okay, you totally can. Because I’m cracking up typing this). So initially, I did have a gender preference. My husband relentlessly wanted a girl, and I really wanted a boy; the 16^th week rolls around, and we find out it’s a girl. Two doctors confirm it. Do I believe it? Heck no. Two weeks later, we go again, to a DIFFERENT doctor and the only thing different was…tada! MORE developed and noticeable lady parts. Okay, let’s try out one of those elective ultrasound places that do gender reveals! Yay! What do you think it was? Now, finally, at my mid-pregnancy appointment, we’ve gotten a total of 6 different opinions confirming it’s a girl.

You guys, the reason I kept rechecking is not because I was that hellbent on it being a boy; in fact, I was starting to be happy that it was a girl. Truth be told…the reason I kept checking was because the whole time… I was PETRIFIED that this little girl was going to somehow grow “guy parts” too. Then, we’ll have the best of both worlds?What were we going to do then? I’m telling you guys…my mind is a creative little bungalow of ideas, sometimes bordering on hypochondriasis.

So long story short, ~~none of those things happened (so far)~~. Not ONE of my fears came true. So you and I–we are under no obligation to believe that the fears our minds create are going to, with 100% guarantee, come true. We have the power to question the validity of our thoughts, and accordingly reject or accept them. What a relief that is!

Screenshot_2015-08-04-22-55-49-1 — *I love running because it really highlights the fact that our minds sometimes lie*.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope that some aspects of this blog are able to help both, you and I, handle the ebbs and flows of life with more ease. Let’s drop our heavy swords, and cease this endless expenditure of energy in resisting the current of life. Let’s just float…

And you know what, if we can’t seem to do that…then, let’s just ACCEPT that at this point in our lives, we are having trouble surrendering to the flow of things. Even accepting what we have trouble accepting is nonresistance. Haha, tricked ya’, mind!

❤

Fitness

Why am I not getting results?

October 15, 2014 mahamabidtalent 5 Comments

Are you frustrated because you’re still not seeing results?

Well, take a read of my 20 top reasons you may not be seeing results.

1. Unclear goals. I believe that this is the number one reason people fail to see “results.” The way the human body works is quite simple–it adapts. It will make necessary changes and adjustments in its own physiology to better adapt to whatever stresses are being placed on it. In our case, the added stress is related to how/when/how often we are training. Often times, we do a bunch of different things, in no particular order or time and expect the body to respond in a specific way. Randomness is never going to lead to a specific outcome. So my #1 tip is to figure things out. What do you want? What type of body type do you desire? Are your goals to gain strength, gain muscle, lose muscle, loss fat, etc? Once you’ve established clear cut goals, do some research on it. What types of exercises do you need to do? How often? At what rate do you add a greater load your workouts?

Now, I want to tell you guys something really exciting. Eeep are you ready?

This blog post is only the first one in a SERIES of blog posts to come. So what are my next blog posts going to be about? In light of the fact that I think most people do not get the results they desire DUE to unclear goals, my next THREE blog posts are going to be a series of tips pertaining to three distinct fitness goals

Tips for increased muscle tone (bulking)
Tips for simultaneous fat loss and muscle tone gain
Tips to lose weight and excess bulk

ARE YOU AS EXCITED AS THE CAT?!?! Me too!!! ❤ giggles.

2. Misinformed post workout nutrition: you may not be eating at the proper time or the proper foods for your goals. For example, if your goal is to increase muscle tone and definition, it is a good idea for you to fuel up on an isolate protein snack within 30 minutes of a weight lifting session. On the contrary, if your goal is to lose excess bulk or muscle (ie; bulky quads), you should be avoiding ALL food at least forty five minutes after a moderate intensity cardio workout. This way the body is able to utilize the glycogen stores and then, and only THEN begin to burn through some of the excess muscle storage. More information about appropriate post workout nutrition in relation to your fitness goals will be posted in proceeding blogs.

3. You are overtraining the muscle you want to see shrink. This is a close #2 mistake I see women making. Numerous research has shown that even though women do not get as “bulky” as men, their lower body is more responsive to hypertrophy than any other part. This means that some of us may end up with bulkier legs than we prefer. When this happens, so many of us run to the cardio machines (stair master, elliptical, treadmill, stationary bike etc) in an attempt to burn more calories so we can lose muscle. In theory, this may work. However, what most girls forget is the “use it or lose it rule.” Intense forms of cardio are STILL working your leg muscles. If you are doing cardio everyday, you run the risk of overtraining the very muscle you want to see shrink. “Use it or lose it” applies everywhere. Train the muscles you want to see definition in to fatigue (for me this is arms, and abs). I steer away from training my legs to fatigue as I do not want the bulkier aesthetic for myself.

4. Not drinking enough water! This may be causing you to eat more, and retain more water.

5. Doing too much of the same thing: If you do what you have always done, you’re going to get what you’ve always gotten. That Robbins was a smart cookie, eh? A lot of issues can come up in your training if you continue to do the same sort of excercise day in and day out. First, your muscles will adapt to the load and therefore, it will be much harder for you to attain a “good workout” (I mean “good” in terms of effectiveness). Lessened variety of excercises within your regimen will force hypertrophy (growth) of certain muscles and ignore other muscle groups. This means that you may have more definition in one area (the area you are training), while completely lacking definition in other areas (the areas you are ignoring). Please include cross-training in your regimen. It has saved my world. Seriously. Please. Do it!

6. Nor resting enough: the next few reasons are going to come from the same basic background: that you are putting your body under a ton of stress. When your body feels excessive physiological stress, it begins to produce higher levels of cortisol to allow conservatory metabolic changes to occur. When there is a sustained increase in cortisol levels, your body may start to hold onto food as fat stores. So where does rest come into play? Lack of adequate rest can elicit your body to begin elevating its levels of cortisol! So be careful and take a rest day. 🙂

7. Creating too large of a caloric deficit: you may be working out like crazy and may have simultaneously cut your calories a little too much. Though this will eventually lead to weight loss (I’m talking months, people), the primary reaction is going to be one of stress. In fact, you are probably going to see the opposite results of what you want, initially. Your body will start retaining water like no other, which will lead to an overall “bigger” appearance as you will display signs of puffiness, inflammation and bloating. Furthermore, your body may decide to shift to survival mode and start storing everything you put in it into adipose tissue (or fat). My tip to avoid this from happening is: do as a turtle would do. Slow and steady wins the race. Also, creating too large of a caloric deficit and continuing to work out is a sure way to get injured.

8. Not getting enough zZzZzZz: Let’s talk sleep. If you are not getting enough sleep, you are putting your body in the “elevated cortisol” phase once more. It is under stress, and consequently, it’s going to start retaining water, become inflamed and react as if it is under attack. Also, as you all know, staying up at night can lead to binging on extra snacks, which may not be the best, depending on your fitness goals. So please don’t trade sleep for working out. It may be counteractive.

9. Getting too much sleep: Ah. Here’s that “moderation is key” mantra again. Too much sleep can affect your results too. 6-8 hours per night is optimal. Any more than that and you risk entering a robotic phase of what I like to call “sleep coma.” You know what I’m talking about. Those days where you feel entirely lethargic and tired throughout the day even though you slept a million hours. Getting too much sleep throws off your body’s natural circadian rhythm, pushing it off balance. We don’t want this.

10. Not instilling a proper warm up or cool down: When you are getting into the gym, chances are you haven’t been training for a marathon the whole day. This means that your muscles have been in a static phase. They need time to become “warm” and ready to go. So please take AT LEAST (and I mean, at the very least) 5 minutes to warm up the muscle group you are planning to work out. I, personally, take about 10-15 minutes to conduct a full body warm up. Numerous studies have shown that a proper warm up can also aid in injury prevention. AFTER you are done with your workout, a cool-down needs to take place. Your heart will be pumping blood like crazy; everything is rapid, and your blood vessels are dilated keeping your body at a hyper-alert stage. It is important to take time to cool down, and allow your body to return to homeostasis. A proper cool down can ensure that you don’t faint or begin to feel sick after your workout. Personally, I like to cool down for about 10-15 minutes– until my heart rate gets down to 100 level.

11. Overestimating expenditure: You’ve probably heard the saying– “a one hour workout is just 4% of your day.” Though this statement is meant to motivate, it does hold subtly important information. A one hour workout, regardless of the intensity, is just 4% of your day. A lot of us are guilty of going to the gym, giving it a 110%, and then remaining completely stationary for the next 23 hours. This can lead to an overestimation of expenditure, or how much we think we are burning. The more you move, the more you burn. For an average-sized woman, a one hour shopping spree (walk at the mall) can result in an additional caloric loss of 300-400 cal. My advice to you is: try not to remain stationary the entire day. I know that workouts are tough. Sometimes, you just don’t want to move after them. It is okay to sit/lay for a little bit to recover. However, try to stay on your feet most of the day and move around 🙂

12. Not tracking your food intake. This can lead to an underestimation of how much we are truly eating. Truth be told, calories are hard to burn. They really are. But they are so EASY (and yummy) to ingest. Regardless of your goal, I think it may be a good idea to track your food intake for a few days to see how much you are really eating. This way, you can tweak your workout program and nutrition regimen to optimize results. On a side note, PEOPLE! DRINKS COUNT AS CALORIES TOO. A few lattes from starbucks per day can result in anywhere from a 600 to 900 calorie gain.

13. Not having proper meals. Are you snacking all day? Every few hours? Yes, there has been research done that demonstrates that snacking frequently can rev up your metabolism, allowing you to burn more throughout the day. Though that is true, most people forget to mention the flip side of this phenomenon! When you “rev” up your metabolism with a snack, it means that your body is probably going to feel hungrier and want MORE food. So unless you have the discipline and self-control of a superhero, I recommend that you stick to 3 proper meals, and snack 2-3 times a day.

14. Yo-yo dieting and random working out: Like I said before, randomness will never lead to specificity. If you are not consistent in your method, you are not going to see consistent results. Doing too much, too often throws your body into confusion. So though, some variety is good, too much variety is chaotic. It will take a little bit of time for you to find that balance for you, but I promise, through practicing gentle curiosity and patience, you will discover it.

15. Rewarding yourself with food: There are so many things wrong with that statement. I literally cringed as I typed it up. First of all, food is not a reward. The mentality of using it in a punishment/reward system is very risky. This type of thinking is the root backbone of eating disorders, and compulsive eating behaviors. So, no, food is not a reward. You are not a pet who needs to be bribed with a “treat” to conduct a certain task. Food is fuel. It is a necessity that you need to sustain yourself and all the wonderful things that you accomplish. Please don’t use working out as a means to allow yourself certain foods. Coming from that place of motivation is highly stressful and distorted. (alright, alright, I am getting off my soap box now).

16. Sipping on popular sports drinks during workout: The popular marketed sports drinks are high in calories and sugar. Depending on the drink, you may, literally, be drinking all the calories you are burning. So take notice of what you put in your body. If you tend to get dizzy and want to make sure that you are replenishing your electrolytes, I would stick to plain water, and just mix in a packet of Emergen-C powder!

17. Taking too many breaks during your workout: Sometimes, we work out really hard for 5 minutes, and then start to look at our phone–“oh look, our best friend texted us with a funny picture of a cat eating noodles. Haha, how cute! We need to reply to this. Wait, why just reply in a text message? Let’s one up her! Let’s google funny pictures of cats and find an ubber hilarious picture and send it to her!” 15 minutes later…you’re still on that phone. Sound familiar? Put that phone down!!! Heart rate is changing number ya’ll. In order for it remain elevated, it needs to be maintained with consistent activity. Let’s make the most out of the 30 minutes-1 hour we are dedicating to ourselves and our bodies at the gym.

18. Got (no) patience? : So many of us need immediate gratification. We need to see those changes! And when we don’t, we are quick to walk out on the process. This is one of the simplest reasons we may not see results. If we’re not sticking to working out and seeing the process through, we’re not going to get the results. Sucks how that works, right?

19. Not listening to your body: On the contrary, you may not be listening to your own body . Are you trying really hard to make yourself into another transformation? In that process, you may be neglecting what your body is telling you. The truth is that you are not the same person as any of the other girls in the “transformation pictures.” No, I don’t care if your body may resemble hers. You are NOT her. This means that no work out program is going to be smarter than your own body. If a regimen that’s supposed to make you lose weight is actually making you gain weight, then you may want to change it up. But so often, we just keep going— hoping that with enough time, it will magically make us lose weight. The entire time, we ignore the signs that our body gives us. So, let your body be the primary judge–your primary guide. If you are hyper-vigilant and super aware of your body, you should see SOME change in 4 weeks. If it takes you a little bit longer to notice changes, you should see some by 6 weeks for sure. Again, notice that I said some results. They are probably not going to major life changing ones, but they should be enough to give you insight on how your body is responding to a certain regimen.

20. Don’t forget to love yourself: Alright, so this tip may not be the most “scientifically” correlated with seeing results, but I had to put it in here! It would feel inauthentic if I didn’t! 🙂 Take time to love yourself throughout the entire process–through the injuries, the messups, the falls, the small victories, the big wins, and all the rest. You are trying and you are human. This means that you are going to get there a little bit a time, not all at once. Take time to honor your body and what it can do for you, and most of all, trust it 🙂 It does so much to support you!

I love you all so much! I hope this was helpful ❤

And don’t forget, this was just the first post in a series of posts to come. Watch out for these next three blogs ❤

Tips for increased muscle tone (bulking)
Tips for simultaneous fat loss and muscle tone gain
Tips to lose weight and excess bulk

❤

Uncategorized

My biggest FEAR

September 3, 2014 mahamabidtalent 6 Comments

Life is unpredictable.

I had planned for this post to be about foam-rolling, and though that will be coming soon, it will not be coming today. As I sat down to write this blog post, I found that my heart was somewhere else. So, I decided to loosely follow the direction of my heart, as writing about anything that is not my raw, unfiltered experience would be a disservice to both you and I.

Today, I want to talk about nothingness.

I have a really hard time being still. And no, I promise its not because I have attention deficit disorder. My fear resides in a more philosophical dwelling. The fear of “being” has plagued me for as long as I can remember. As a child, most of my nightmares consisted of not doing anything. And not doing anything consisted of not being “seen”, heard, or noticed. If others did not notice me, would I even exist? Furthermore, if I ceased to exist, what would I be? Would I be nothing?

To this day, my mind responds with silence.

And, I’m fearful of its silence too.

As a result, I have found safety and comfort in “doing.” Whether it’s going to school, maintaining activity at the gym, or simply attempting to keep up with the springing dynamic thoughts in my mind, I am always moving.

I have built a tenuous home in chaotic motion. I suppose, “doing” something all the time grants me some degree of disillusionment from my deepest and darkest fears; mobility serves as a relieving distraction from my ultimate fear of being still. Upon reflection, I suppose that I have equated “being” with nothingness. I am not exactly sure how, when or why that association was made, but somehow my neurons fired enough times to solidify the link between the two concepts.

Is “being” nothingness? If I am still, am I still there?

Stillness.

My mind does not care to respond.

I feel that ever-familiar gulp climbing up my throat; the nervous butterflies in my stomach are beginning to commence their anxious waltz. I am afraid. I don’t want to go there.

As a teenager, I invented drama where there was none. I thrived on intensity. I was never just “unhappy”, I was in painful anguish. I was never simply “satisfied”, I was in exuberant delight! Even ephemeral colds and flu’s seemed like cancer. I lived in great swoops of emotion. Up and down. Down and up. It made me feel something! It was a reminder that I was alive. I fretted that if I were simply “unhappy,” people wouldn’t notice or care. I had to create commotion to attain validation!

Only the stuff of soap operas gains attention, care and concern. ~~Right~~?

Wrong.

At 19, I met my husband and we began the process of an arranged marriage. Don’t let our current state of contentment fool you. Our first 6 months felt like “misery” to me. In retrospect, I can identify that they were normalized and necessary adjustment points, but, of course, to me, Maham, the soap opera star, they felt like unadulterated agony. For those of you that don’t know, my husband is one of the most stable and satisfied people I have ever met. If I were a leaf blowing around with whichever direction of the wind, my husband was and is a sturdy boulder.

I remember the early parts of our relationship. Oh! I wanted him to love me with urgency and passion. I wanted our relationship to be a fabulous theatrical love story. I wanted all the elements of “The Notebook”, I wanted rage, grief, hope, ecstasy, longing—and I wanted all that every single day, for forever and always. Isn’t that what love is?

Isn’t love chaotic movement? If we are not wanting, longing, fighting and craving, what is left? What is left underneath all of that? Will love still be there? Or will it be nothing?

Do you see a common theme yet?

Once more, my fear of nothingness and stillness peeks its maniacal head out. And to some degree, it always will.

Contentment is unimaginable. Satisfaction is frightening. If our deepest selves are afraid of being still we will find a way to suffer being with another person, regardless of the nobility of their character.

But, here’s a troubling concept to ponder: Have I confused longing with love? Is love characterized by aching, wanting, and craving? Or are those characteristics of fleeting passion?

In terms of fitness, life, and relationships, I find that I, often, long for what I don’t have. I want more. I set goals, and I want to achieve them. After I’ve achieved them, I want to set more goals, and work towards achieving them. Though “wanting” is a necessary motivator for change and growth, is it also the birthplace of dissatisfaction and distress?

There is no rest in “wanting.” Craving does not allow room to foster love and acceptance. It cleverly avoids the existential fear of stillness—of NOT craving, of NOT wanting for things that we don’t have.

So what if we were to step back from our endless cycles of doing and overdoing, and doing again? What if we were to look at all that we do have, and love what we have accomplished thus far? What if we were to look at ourselves as whole beings, without wanting to change a thing—even if its just for a fleeting moment? How would that look like? How would that feel?

Dangerous.

Though my “ups” and “downs” are not as fierce and agonizing as they once were, I still struggle with the idea of stillness. I wrote this post because tonight, at 6:30 pm EST, I am taking my first yoga class after a dry spell of a few months.

Me doing a modified wheel pose at the beach

I ceased my practice, as I became more and more afraid of what the mat brings out in me. It brings out comfort in being, it brings out acceptance for the present moment; it brings out satisfaction and contentment with simply being. But isn’t that exactly what I want?

Yes, and no.

It is exactly what I need. However, parts of me are still frightened of the concept of simply being. What I have learned is that peace and contentment are states of being that require practice. They don’t just come when you graduate college, get to your goal weight, or finish a workout regimen. They don’t magically appear in your new office, your new car, or your new job. They are feelings that require consistent practice to achieve.

I have come a long way since I was a teenager, and though, I still have heaps of room left for improvement, I want to take the time to truly appreciate how far I’ve come. I am thankful for my health, for my legs that can support me from one adventure to the next. I am thankful for my body and my heart; they adapt so beautifully to all the stressful changes life places on them. I am even thankful for my consistently fretting, and worrying mind; its desire to protect me is indomitable and truly admirable! I am thankful for all the little oddities, and imperfections in my soul and appearance. I know that weaknesses are just strengths in the wrong environment.

And, just like that, I’m a little less scared.

Because what if I’m wrong?

What if, behind all that wanting, doing, craving, longing, fighting, dieting, exercising, studying, analyzing, and criticizing, there is something. Perhaps, behind the endless “doing”, there is EVERYTHING. Perhaps, underneath stillness, there is a place that is truly ALIVE with peaceful satisfying gratitude.

Perhaps, you and I can find endless freedom there.

❤

PS- I would love it if you commented and let me know that I’m not the only one who feels this way or share your biggest fears with me ;P

Fitness

Let’s get back on track!

August 11, 2014 mahamabidtalent Leave a comment

Please don’t.

Failure is an event.

Not a ~~person~~.

Alright, so we all have those days or periods of time where we veer off track–this may be in terms of school work, fitness regimens, or keeping up with close connections. Today, I want to talk about getting off track in terms of fitness. We may have days of “bad eating” or skipping workouts. This is expected, normal and part of the process.

Labeling food as “good” or “bad” or “healthy”/ “unhealthy” is a sure way to get trapped in the all-or-nothing perfectionist mentality society promotes. The truth lies in moderation and balance; just like you don’t get “fit” from eating one salad and doing one workout, you will not get “unfit” from eating one “bad” meal or skipping one workout.

The “all-or-nothing” philosophy makes people feel horrible if they think they made a ‘bad’ choice. I’ve heard tons of women say : “I ate _____! God, I am so bad.” Though I agree that some amount of “food guilt” is natural, I strongly believe that a lot of us end up feeling much worse than just the normal “little bit.”

So many of us let “food guilt” spiral into food shame. “I am a bad person for eating that.” “I am a failure because I didn’t go to the gym.” “God, I suck. I can’t keep food out of my mouth. How am I ever going to look like that?” Food choices don’t make you a bad person – but that is how many people, especially women, talk to themselves. We have to be very careful with “food guilt” as it can quickly become disordered and debilitating.

So, let’s ~~ditch the shame~~, and…get back on track!

My Tips for Getting Back on Track

1. Meal plan! Let’s get some accountability up in here! Plan what you are going to eat, and go grocery shopping! If you only have healthful food in the house, you will only eat healthful food.

2. Is there a certain food that’s been tripping your diet up? Let’s have a mini-lent. Give up something that’s been screwing up your diet for 10 days. This is not about restriction. This is about regaining confidence in your ability to choose. You are not helpless. You are powerful!

3. While you are out grocery shopping, get yourself a huge gallon/water bottles of spring water. H20 is going to become your best friend! Drinking water aids in removing toxins from the body, which will be necessary if you’ve had a particularly rough binge period. It also helps in hydrating, elevating mood, and reducing the number on the scales by preventing water retention!

4. Let’s get some zZzZzZz’s! Try to be in bed earlier and attain more sleep so that you can feel well-rested, and ready to tackle on the new week! Getting 7-8 hrs of sleep/night has been linked to a reduction in overall BMI and weight ❤

5. Plan your workouts! Make a little chart for the week, and know which workout you are going to be doing on what day 🙂 Take out your markers, stickers, and make it beautiful! Hang it up 🙂 Put it in your workout binder. Try to make this as specific as possible.

6. Remember to congratulate yourself/give yourself compliments each time you abide by your meal plan/workout plan! A little positive reinforcement goes a long way. I promise. Before each planned meal/workout, whisper to yourself: “I am actively choosing to abide by the plan I have made.” Once you are finished with your planned meal/planned workout, whisper to yourself once more: “Yay! I did it! I knew I was strong enough to do this!”

7. Avoid weighing yourself, or doing any sort of progress “tests” till after getting back on track. You do not need to assess the damage to fix it. Please please please veer away from measuring yourself, trying on that skinny pair of jeans in your closet, or taking progress pictures. If you have had a particularly rough eating period, your body may be holding onto water weight. Common “binge foods” are usually really high in sodium or sugar which both contribute to water retention. You do not need the scale to make you feel worse about yourself than you already do.

8. Take a yoga class. If you cannot afford a yoga class, or if you do not have access to local yoga studios offering classes, visit youtube. Search some meditative yin-yoga or vinyasa flow yoga. Try to do this for at least 20-60 minutes, and remember to focus on your breath. “By its very nature, the breath is not graspable; there is nothing at all to hold on to. Our breath, therefore, provides an immediate connection with impermanence as we experience it by continually arising and dissolving back into space. Using the breath as the object of meditation introduces us to the fundamental groundlessness of life. It allows us to experience letting go.”

9. Buy a “get well soon” card for yourself, and write yourself a letter. In the card, speak to yourself as if you were speaking to a best friend. Explain that you understand that you have been going through a hard time, and that you also acknowledge how down you may be feeling. At the same time, however, remind yourself of the immense courage that lies within you. If you don’t feel that you are ready to do this activity for yourself, buy a few “I’m thinking of you” cards and write thoughtful letters to a few close friends letting them know that you are thinking of them. Kindness has a way of accidentally spilling happiness into any circumstance!

10. This one is my favorite! POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS! ❤ Make a vision board of yummy positive affirmations that help you feel good, and remind you to be gentle with yourself. If you are short on time, just create a folder on your laptop, and download pictures from the Internet that remind you to forgive yourself. I am going to post a few from my own folder to get you started ❤

FAVORITE! Seriously, say this to yourself, over and over and over and over and over again! Okay. Now say it one more time. So important!

Forgiveness is so powerful! It is the quality of leaders!

Remember that in order to be all the "good things", you have to go through the bad things. This rough time means that you're one step closer to being more AWESOME! — Remember that in order to be all the “good things”, you have to go through the bad things. This rough time means that you’re one step closer to being more AWESOME!

This one always makes me smile! Imagine the freedom baby! Do you want to be free? I know I do!

Seriously. How well has hating yourself been working out for you? Einstein said that "insanity" is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Let's not be insane and try something different :) — Seriously. How well has hating yourself been working out for you? Einstein said that “insanity” is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Let’s not be insane and try something different 🙂

This one is a good one to remember in terms of whatever you're going through! All the "not-so-good" feelings are just a precursor to MAGIC! — This one is a good one to remember in terms of whatever you’re going through! All the “not-so-good” feelings are just a precursor to MAGIC!

So true! The only diet that will ever work will be one that includes self-love.

A quick and easy affirmation to lead each day with!

Think of your favorite fitness guru. They are pretty freaking awesome right? Well, guess what? They are made up of the same magical stuff that you are.

Are you going to act out of fear or love today?

This is a good old simple reminder to all of us. This is not our first mistake. This will not be our last one either. We are young, and we are all children of the universe. We are going to screw up...a lot. — This is a good old simple reminder to all of us. This is not our first mistake. This will not be our last one either. We are young, and we are all children of the universe. We are going to screw up…a lot.

No one has the right to make you feel worthless. Not even you.

If you are really deep in shame, and the preceding pictures were unable to help you, then I know one thing for sure. You are ready to get past this hell of a period. Are you ready to leave it all behind? Well guess what you have to do? FORGIVE YOURSELF.

This one is going to work for everyone. If you cannot seem to forgive yourself, regardless of what you say or do. Do this: Accept that you cannot forgive yourself, and FORGIVE yourself for not being able to forgive yourself. You are free.

❤ YAY! WE ARE ALL FORGIVEN ❤

So, in summary:

< 3

Fitness

Drop it like it’s hot!

August 10, 2014 mahamabidtalent 4 Comments

Here’s a little background on my journey. Prior to getting married, I had always been in the 110-115 lb range at my near 5’5 frame. I was living at home, eating home-cooked food, and consequently, had some regularity in my meals and, therefore, my weight.

Recent picture in the same outfit (different jean size of course)

After getting married and moving to a bigger city, I was introduced to drive-thru krispy kreme’s and smoothie places. Needless to say, it was lust at first sight.

Another thing working against me was that I did not know how to cook especially well; this meant going out to eat a lot. And, frankly, come on! I moved to New Orleans- the city of Cajun friend food! So, I ate. And I ate. And I ate.

A few months after getting married, I went back to my hometown and started getting a few remarks about how “chubby” I had gotten. This was a new thing for me, as my whole life, I had never been told that I was “chunky” or “chubby.” I became especially self-conscious, and decided to step on a scale for the first time in months. 131 lbs stared back at me. I had gained 15-20 lbs in just three months! ~~WHAT????????~~

Yeah, Okay! I know that’s not overweight. I realize that its not “too much.” But, I didn’t like the way I looked, and more so, I didn’t like the way I felt. So, I set out to make a few changes.

Over the next year, I went from 131 lbs to a fragile 96 lbs. I didn’t realize that I had plummeted to such an unhealthy weight range, until I visited my primary care physician for my annual check up. I was unaware of my weight loss, because I had stopped weighing myself. I was only tracking my progress based on measurements and the way my clothes fit.

Needless to say, after that doctors visit, I kinda freaked out. (shoutout to my patient husband, who picked me up and calmed my bawling self down 😉 ). I, then, set out to return to a state of balance, remaining careful in my journey, as I wanted to gain the weight back in muscle mass. I did not want to pack on lbs of fat as I had done before. Consequently, I added weight training into my predominantly cardio regimen, and began to incorporate more protein sources into my diet. I steadily gained muscle over the course of the next 6 months.

This brings us to current times :). I haven’t weighed myself in a few months. However, the last time I was keeping track, my weight seemed to stay between 104-108 lbs (this was in late April 2014). I don’t like weighing myself anymore, as that is a slippery slope for someone like me, who tends to get trapped in the “perfectionism” cycle easily.

Notice that my pre-wedding weight was around 110-115 lbs; this is close to the 104-108 lb range I was in a few months ago.

Look at how different the recent pictures look from the very first pictures in this post. That should be a testament to the fact that weight isn’t everything. 110 lbs of predominantly muscle looks starkly different from 110 lbs of predominantly fat.

I wasn’t always able to jump around from bench to bench like a lemur. I wasn’t always able to do pushups, or chin ups. I was not always able to run for an hour. So what is my secret? What did I do? Well, read on!

Change #1

I cut out almost 60% of refined, processed WHITE carbohydrates. This was probably one of the biggest, and initially one of the HARDEST changes I made. Don’t you love how those two things usually go together? Anyway, I stopped eating white rice, white bread, doughnuts, cookies, etc. Please note that this did not happen overnight. I did not go “cold-turkey” or shift to an all-or-nothing sort of mindset. In fact, I am munching on Lorna Doone shortbread cookies as I write this. PS- they are delicious.

Personally speaking, I do not think quitting something entirely is sustainable, or even “healthy”. It may be more healthful for the body, however, I don’t see this restrictive type of thinking as beneficial to the mind. As someone who already struggles with perfectionism, it is extremely important for me to steer away from the “nevers”,”always” and “forevers”; It is truly a minute-to-minute struggle to remind myself to live in moderation.

Anyway, I simply began to reduce my intake of “white carbohydrates.” I remember that, at first, I replaced them with brown rice and wheat bread. As time went on, I replaced the brown rice with quinoa and I actually stopped craving bread altogether. If I had to choose, most of my weight reduction was a result of this change.

Change #2

The first “excercise tool” I purchased was not some fancy sportswatch; instead, it was a $5 pedometer. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is, it is a simple tool that counts the steps you take each day. I began by tracking how many steps I walk in a typical day, and started to increase that number the next day. So, each day I was walking more than the day before. The key to this is holding yourself accountable. I remember that some days,I had to drag myself out of bed to go walk around the house one more time, so that the number of steps I took was at least 1 step greater than the day before. Since this was an active goal, it inadvertently led me to park further in parking lots and to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

Change #3

I started a food journal! I started recording the calories in the foods I was eating. Since weight loss, at its basis, results from a caloric deficit (taking in less than you burn), food logging was very helpful. Now, I do have to say that this can easily become obsessive, so I have a tip for you. I want you to to start thinking of caloric deficits on a weekly instead of daily basis. How many calories are you eating per week? How many calories are you burning per week? After you’ve answered these questions, try to create a deficit of at 1300-2500 calories in the number every proceeding week. Continue this, till you have reached your target body type. The reason I recommend doing this on a weekly basis is for enhanced sustainability. It becomes really hard not to beat yourself about having a “bad day” if you focus too much on daily calories. There will be days where you eat more. There will be days where you eat less. Consequently, it is more sustainable and healthy to assess your nutrition progress weekly.

Change #4

Oh this is going to be a kicker for so many of you–guess what? I stopped weighing myself. Take your measuring tapes, and cameras out, and throw your scale out the window (don’t do this if you live on the 2nd or 3rd floor lol). Weigh-ins can become really depleting, and may lead you to feel dejected. Sustainable weight loss is slow. The reason I said “sustainable” is because people can starve themselves for a few weeks, and drop tons of weight, however, once they start re-feeding, the gains will be back. True, lasting, weight loss is slow and steady, especially if you are trying to maintain it. If you weigh yourself, and don’t see that “magical number” we all create in our heads, it can become sadly easy to give up, and return to old habits.

Change #5

Only after making the above-mentioned changes, did I get a membership to the gym, and make any active attempts towards exercising. The first exercise program I ever tried in attempt to lose weight was Sean T’s Insanity. Yes, I did lose weight on it, however, it is an extremely challenging fitness program. I felt like I was going to die during the WARMUP. I finished Sean T’s insanity, and joined the local gym. There, I began to walk on the treadmill for an hour a day. This also assisted in further weight loss. As I felt more comfortable , I started venturing out to the elliptical machines, and began to take spin classes. These were all very helpful. I will say this, however: if you decide to take spin classes, please be careful about raising the resistance too high, as this may cause your quads/thighs to bulk up.

Important Point: Long-duration cardio (>25 minutes) is going to be your main arsenal when it comes to weight loss. This is predominantly all I did when I first started my fitness journey. The thing with cardio is that it will initiate you losing “weight”; this means that you’re going to be losing fat but also some muscle.

Important Point: Spot reduction is not possible. We cannot say: “doughnuts go to my butt, and cardio, subtract from my belly.” It simply does not work that way. When the body loses weight, it loses weight evenly. You can do ab excercises all day and night, and have a 6-pack. You will not be able to see that 6 pack, unless you employ cardio to help decrease the layer of adipose tissue, or fat, that covers that muscle group.

Change #6

My heaviest “carb” meal, to this day, is still breakfast, or my “pre-workout meal”. This way, I utilize most of the food that I eat throughout the day. For dinner, I have mostly protein and vegetables. I don’t need heavy carbs during the night, as my activity level is going to be low.

Change #7

Portion sizing goes a long way! Simply reduce the portions you take- even if it is just by a little bit. Subtracting a ton of “little bits” eventually add up to a lot of weight loss. Rule of thumb: the amount of grainy carbs you eat in one meal should be, at max, the size of one fist.

Change #8

Alright, alright. Warning! if you are a healthnut reading this, you are not going to like this change. When I first started on my fitness journey, I started “replacing” foods solely based on the caloric value. I didn’t care if the replacement was all natural, organic, vegan, gluten free etc. Since my initial goal was weight loss, I was only concerned about taking in a lower amount of calories. Consequently, I started replacing normal cookies with 100-calorie Lorna doone packets or 90 calorie special k cereal bars. I started replacing whole milk with unsweetened almond milk. I replaced sugar with stevia, and white bread with low calorie multigrain crackers. I’ve gotten more health-oriented now, however, this post is not about me now, it is about when I first started.

So, here you go. This highly-requested blog post is almost done. I haven’t told you guys my #1 secret though.

So, here goes: There is no way that I would have been able to do this if I had come from a place of extreme self-loathing. It is one thing to WANT to change; it is another thing to hate yourself through the whole journey.

You will NEVER be able to accomplish anything if your motivation is from a hateful, critical place. It is not sustainable. How far can a horse run if you keep whipping it harshly across the back? It may run faster, at first, out of fear and shock. In the long run, however, it will slow down, and eventually, fall to the crippling pressure. So, please, don’t set yourself up for failure.

I love you ❤ Please remember to love you too!

Fitness

Kayla Itsines BBG: Slimming bulky legs

August 6, 2014 mahamabidtalent 10 Comments

As most of you know, I completed Kayla Itsines’ Bikini Body Guide program. I’ve gotten tons of direct messages, as well as questions embedded in comments regarding my sentiments on the guide. Do I recommend it?

In short, the answer is YES. I do. It is a wonderful guide that includes tons of new innovative fitness ideas. I can easily say that my approach towards fitness has been changed forever, because of it.

So, the million dollar question: how did my body change?

Well first, I did take pictures along my journey, however the reason you haven’t seen these progress photos is because it is against my religion to show my bare stomach/legs. I can tell you that after completing the guide, I had more tone in my arms, abs and back than I have ever had in my entire life. The muscle tone I’m referring to is the lean, petite, defined look, as opposed to the bulky muscular look.

I truly think that when Kayla released her guides, she called them a “GUIDE” for a reason. It is simply a set of her recommendations that could be helpful in attaining a certain body type. HOWEVER, YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR OWN BODY, because it should be the primary reference and teacher in showing you whether or not something is working. So although, I recommend the guide, I do NOT recommend it as a replacement for trust in your body and your own experience.

This leads me to talk about something so many of you have questioned me about: slimming down muscular legs. A few weeks into her guide, I found that my thighs/quads were gaining more muscle than I preferred. So, I tweaked a few details, to help reshape my legs to the way I desire.

I have to say this one more time! I don’t think that Kayla’s intent for creating the guide was to provide a “foolproof” way to get the body you want; there is no ONE way that can work for every single girl in the world. Her guides are lavished with helpful guidelines and tidbits of knowledge, so please don’t doubt the validity of your own experience with another’s suggestions–not even mine!

In my journey, I discovered that I’m an ecto/mesomorph breed, which means I tend to pack on muscle like no tomorrow. I can see it, and I can feel it. This works in my favor when it comes to abs/arms and back definition. However, my legs tend to become disproportionately bulky. What do I mean by that? Well, my calves/lower half of my legs do not budge in size, whereas the upper half of my legs start bulking, and it looks a little strange to me haha.

A few blog posts ago, I gave you general tips regarding slimming bulky legs. But so many of you have been questioning me about how to incorporate these tips into Kayla’s guide. In short, the question seems to be: what types of changes did I make to ensure my leg size did not increase while I was doing Kayla’s guide?

Now, as far as the SPECIFIC guide…

On M,W,F

AM: I’ll do LISS in the morning (power-walking) for 45-60 minutes.
PM: I’ll do the desginated workout from Kayla’s guide

On T, Th

AM: I’ll do moderate intensity cardio (jogging/ellipitcal) for 30-45 minutes.
PM: I will stretch or do vinyasa flow yoga for an hour.

Saturdays: LISS only

Sunday: Rest day

FIRST AND FOREMOST, I had to incorporate more LISS-MISS to for longer bouts of time. Why? Because the only time that there may ever a need for your body to turn to your muscles for fuel is in the late stages of extreme endurance running. When glycogen or carbohydrate stores are depleted, your body will turn to the only fuel source left — amino acid proteins in your skeletal muscles. Only then, will it turn these into glucose for fuel.

So please note that losing muscle is HARD. Our bodies do not, naturally, want to do this. So be patient with yourself during this process.

An example of my favorite/most effective workouts that I did on Tuesdays and Thursdays is this one: I would start by jogging at 5 mph on a treadmill. I would then increase the spped in increments of 0.3 mph every minute. So, each proceeding minute, I would jog at 5.3 mph, 5.6 mph, 5.9 mph, etc. I would continue doing this for a total of 5 minutes.

Minute 1: 5.0 mph

Minute 2: 5.3 mph

Minute 3: 5.6 mph

Minute 4: 5.9 mph

Minute 5: 6.2 mph

Once I reached 6.2 mph, I would start coming back down in 1 minute increments. So…

Minute 6: 6.2 mph

Minute 7: 5.9 mph

Minute 8: 5.6 mph

Minute 9: 5.3 mph

Minute 10: 5.0 mph

I would keep repeating this circuit for a total of 30-45 minutes.

This is ONE example of training at a moderate-high intensity. Remember, in order to train at a moderate intensity, you must determine your heart rate training zones. Working at a “low” or “mod” or “high” intensity is not defined by the specific workout you do. It’s defined by how “hard” your heart has to work to maintain the workout. I could simply be doing the elliptical for 30 minutes at a speed of 9.0 mph and this would still constitute as moderate intensity training for me, as my heart rate falls in between the moderate training zones.

I also incorporated yoga into my regimen. I cannot emphasize how much yoga helped with elongating contracted muscles! It’s counterintuitive because it’s generally a low impact/low intensity activity, and consequently, does not burn as many calories. However, it has really worked wonders for helping me stay lean and long.

Now, as far as the specific “LEG day” circuit, I made a few adjustments

I only did 1 round of the entire circuit! So I did Circuit 1, and Circuit 2. Each circuit is 7 minutes, so I only did 14 total minutes, and stopped. I did NOT repeat both circuits a second time around. Instead, what I did were these excercises:
I replaced all weighted squats/weighted lunges. Whenever the guide instructed me to do jump squats/weighted squats, i would turn them into plie jump squats.
Whenever the guide instructed me to do weighted lunges/jump lunges, I would replace them with the lunges shown in this video. Please fast forward to 5:26 to watch the move!
NOTE: if you find that your legs are still remaining “bulky” even with the above-mentioned replacements, start replacing those exercises high intensity full-body plyometric movements. This way, you are incorporating more of the entire body and therefore, no longer targeting quads and hams. Some replacements you can try include: jumping jacks, star jumps, plank jacks, skaters, tuck jumps, hurdles, leap frogs, 180 jumps etc. Here is a video of common plyometric exercises you can browse through and choose:

In summary, the above-mentioned recommendations are what helped me return less muscular-looking legs. You know the famous saying: “if you don’t use it, you lose it.” Well, remember it and use it to your favor. If you’re not using the muscle, while eating at a deficit, you WILL start losing muscle (the time it takes each person varies, but I promise you, that it will occur). The reason I made these replacements is because I did not want to target the leg muscles. Full-body plyo movements cause power to be generated across a larger surface area, and therefore allow the entire body to become more evenly engaged. Whereas, squatting and doing lunges unevenly distribute power to target the legs. Think about it, if someone is doing lunges and squats in the “proper form”, their upper body is as close to still as possible. As mesomorph ladies trying to lose muscle, we do not want to overwork our leg muscles, causing them to hypertrophy.

Fitness

Bend ‘n stretch!

August 5, 2014 mahamabidtalent 1 Comment

Lets talk stretching. So many poses. So many stretches. Ya’ll have probably heard the importance of stretching in injury prevention, and in elongation of tight muscles. So, I won’t bore you with information you already know, but I do have to say this: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TAKE TIME TO STRETCH!

I use my legs quite a lot, as the workouts I do are either a)cardio, or b) high intensity plyometric movements (AKA lots of jumping). Consequently, most of my stretches are centered around….tada…my legs!

In my workouts, I usually stretch twice. The first time around, I stretch after doing some light cardio (5 min walk/jog to warm up). I also stretch after finishing my workout. When I’m stretching, I hold each pose for about 30-45 seconds! You should feel a slight pull, and some healthy tension. This is good, as it may be indicative of you increasing your flexibility.

However, it should not HURT or ache in any manner. Please be careful. Don’t go pulling your pretty little muscles!

Without further delay, here are some of my favorite stretches!

This is your basic reach. I repeat this with each leg, and I finish with putting both legs together, and touching my toes!

This is the pigeon-pose. I cross one leg underneath my tummy, and stretch long with the other one. Repeat on the other side.

Hey guess what? You can also get an awesome quad stretch by altering the pigeon pose just a little bit! Yay!

This is a modified version of the basic reach again. Since you’re positioned vertically, this time around, it’s really working the backside of your legs!

Dancer’s pose ❤ Great for an overall leg stretch!

Modified lunge!

The butterfly pose! This is a great inner-thigh stretch! Just hold both feet together, and push your tummy closer to your thighs. Most people do this stretch ineffectively, as they want to get their foreheads to touch their toes. I did this too, until my yoga instructor told me otherwise! The best way to stretch the inner thigh or adductor muscles is to lean your hips/lower tummy towards your thighs. This way, your back remains straight, and unrounded.

This one is great for the hip flexors!!!!! I discovered it recently and I fell in love with it! Cross one leg over the other. Make sure that both of your sit-bones are touching the ground! Now reach as far as you can. You should feel the best kind of pinch in the back of your hip. Bahh. is it obvious that I’m kinda sorta obsessed with this one? And, on the plus side, I feel like a cat doing this pose.

Yay! Now go stretch!

Seriously.

Go. Your muscles will give you little kisses.

❤

Fitness

Slimming down bulky, muscular legs

August 1, 2014 mahamabidtalent 16 Comments

These are both pictures of my legs at different times

I feel like this deserved a blog post on its own because this is probably my most FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTION.

Okay, so by “rarely” I mean that I do not do repetitive leg exercises that target isolated leg muscles such as lunges/squats/calf raises. I may do a set here and there, however that’s really it. If I do decide to do the above mentioned isolated exercises, I tend to make them plyometric movements. What does this mean? In simple terms, this means: “ADD A JUMP”. Jump lunges, jump squats, jumping calf raises. I do these as fast as possible without causing fatigue. As soon as I feel the burn coming on, I STOP and rest before repeating.

As a mesomorph with a relatively low body fat percentage, I TEND TO GAIN MUSCLE LIKE NO TOMORROW. Even slight increases in muscle size look quite noticeable, as there isn’t a substantial amount of subcutaneous adipose tissue (fat) covering them.

So MIIT/MISS is my ARESNAL for training my legs! I’ve found that, personally, I cannot go wrong with this type of training. So, what is this?

MISS: moderate intensity steady state cardio: stay at a moderate heart rate zone for > 25 minutes.

MIIT: moderate intensity interval training cardio: train at a moderate-higher intensity heart rate zones, step off to the side/slow down to allow your heart rate zone to drop into the moderate/low training heart rate zones. Speed up again to push heart rate back up. Make sure you are not staying at your high intensity zone for too long. You should barely be entering it.

These are my heart rate zones. To figure out YOUR heartrate training zones, visit this page, and follow the directions: http://www.runningforfitness.org/calc/heart-rate-calculators/hrzone

This post is about actively losing MUSCLE. So this post is mainly geared towards lovely people who feel that that their legs feel excessively “hard”/lack cellulite/feel bulky. If you find that you have more fatty tissue, you must do all types of cardio/eat at a greater deficit to decrease your overall body fat percentage and weight.

I recommend doing cardio with a very light meal prior to it. I, personally, can’t do fasted cardio, as I feel faint, and dI have passed out from it before. So why a light meal? Well, the only time that there may ever a need for your body to turn to your muscles for fuel is in the late stages of extreme endurance running. When glycogen or carbohydrate stores are depleted, your body will turn to the only fuel source left — amino acid proteins in your skeletal muscles. Only then, will it turn these into glucose for fuel.

So please note that losing muscle is HARD. Our bodies do not, naturally, want to do this. So please be patient with yourself during this process.

By the same token as above^^, we don’t want to rebuild this muscle, as we are looking to LOSE some bulk. I recommend simply having a carb instead of protein so that you can refuel your glycogen stores. Snack on these carbs in moderation, as once your stores are replenished, the excess will be stored as fat.

The cardio i do is usually my mixed cardio routine posted a few slides ago. Sometimes it’s purely MISS/MIIT depending on my body, energy level, and lethargy. I want to quote something I read on wayofgray’s profile yesterday

Actually enjoy the foods you’re eating and workouts you’re doing. I love HIIT and my predominantly plant based diet, and that’s why I stick to it. If you hate running on a treadmill, try something else! I promise that you’ll find something you enjoy!

It is so important to LISTEN to your own body. So, if you get anything out of this post at all, please let it be the following: DO NOT KILL YOURSELF TRYING TO ADAPT TO THIS PROGRAM. This is what worked for my particular body type. You are SO wholeheartedly encouraged to tweak my recommendations to help YOU achieve what you desire.

You got this 😉 Please remember to stretch! This will be key!

❤ yourself. Because I love you!

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Kayla Itsines BBG: Slimming bulky legs

Bend ‘n stretch!

Slimming down bulky, muscular legs

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