A poem about finding friendship, oneself, and God.
Over the years, I became accustomed to a lonely life inside my shell– It had become my second-nature to retreat when all just felt unwell. I felt dejected because like other creatures, I couldn’t run, climb or fly. So much so, in challenging times, I didn’t even give it an honest try. Instead, I crawled back into the confines of my boxed, bosomed shell– choosing to survive day by day, with not a single adventurous tale to tell.
One day in jaded June, I basked under the searing sun. I drifted off for a moment, only to awake next to someone! I peered timidly at the stranger, resting quietly beside me– Her pleasant patterned carapace was quite the sight to see! I wondered if she knew just how perfect and polished she seemed, The sun’s radiant rays made her soft leathery skin glitter and gleam.
Her whimsical webbed-feet were unlike anything else I’d seen before. I pondered silently to myself about what she might use them for. Without a warning, she opened up her glassy, jewel-toned eyes. She dove fearlessly into the opaque pond, much to my surprise! My heart fluttered restlessly, as I feared for her safety below. How could she simply jump in, without letting anyone else know? What if she drowns dismally or gets stuck in murky mudflow?
I shook inside my shell, anxiously waiting for her emerald head to emerge The water’s surface stayed silently still while my panic began to surge. “Please, God,” I prayed passionately, “please let her be alright.” “I’ve waited so long for any sign of Your eternal loving Light.” The sun’s final rays danced daintily across the lulling lake, in the midst of their beams–I finally saw a reflection I couldn’t mistake!
Her intricate shell appeared iridescent just below the serene surface; She gracefully glided to the top, and took a deep breath in with purpose. Following her lead, I remembered to finally let out my stifled exhale. Sighing with relief, I watched in awe, as she fearlessly sailed.
She played peacefully in the welcoming water, confident and headstrong. Oh, how desperately I, too, wished to find somewhere to belong. It became clear to me that the wonderous water was unmistakably her home. I realized that the very shell offering me shelter had also left me feeling secluded & alone.
Feeling ashamed, yet again, I retracted back into my comfortable cage. This time, however, its darkness left me brimming with rage. My mind became a roaring arena full of angry, self-loathing talk. Mindfulness slipped away, and her presence was something I forgot.
Suddenly, I felt a powerful push–followed by a startling splash! I found myself in whirling waters, and began to helplessly thrash. I saw her silhouette near the shore, crawling carefree as could be, “Swim!”, she urged spiritedly, “You are a lot like me!”
ME?!” I thought, restlessly, “she must not be able to see.” “Just focus on your breath”, she said “and you, too, will feel free” “You’re wrong!”, I gasped between plunges, “I can’t do this at all!” She reminded me so sweetly, “but, you’ve already survived the fall.”
I watched the wholesome water warmly wrap itself around me, like it was awaiting my return. It enveloped me into its eager embrace; reminding me I was no unfamiliar extern. The familiar fear I lived with everyday with felt frivolous once I could see– –the dreary decades drifting away simply reflected my faithlessness in its steadfast security.
The comforting current cradled me, for the water had constantly carried me along. Surrendering to its steady support helped me to feel that I was inherently strong. I cried; I laughed—because I hadn’t felt much of anything in so long. But most of all, in that moment, I finally felt what its like to truly belong.
The majestic creature dove back into the water, and helped me swim back to shore. “Look!”, she declared, as we crawled out, pointing towards the lake’s alluring floor. I turned around trying to find what it was she wanted me to look for. Once I finally caught a glimpse of it, it was a sight too spellbinding to ignore.
I peered timidly into the water, marveling at a reflection I did not recognize. I stared at its perfectly patterned-shell, and soft skin with awe and surprise. “Wow”, I whispered, “It’s breathtaking–especially in the water’s blue hue.” “Of course she is,” smiled the truthful turtle, “because that, my friend, is you.”
I had planned for this post to be about foam-rolling, and though that will be coming soon, it will not be coming today. As I sat down to write this blog post, I found that my heart was somewhere else. So, I decided to loosely follow the direction of my heart, as writing about anything that is not my raw, unfiltered experience would be a disservice to both you and I.
Today, I want to talk about nothingness.
I have a really hard time being still. And no, I promise its not because I have attention deficit disorder. My fear resides in a more philosophical dwelling. The fear of “being” has plagued me for as long as I can remember. As a child, most of my nightmares consisted of not doing anything. And not doing anything consisted of not being “seen”, heard, or noticed. If others did not notice me, would I even exist? Furthermore, if I ceased to exist, what would I be? Would I be nothing?
To this day, my mind responds with silence.
And, I’m fearful of its silence too.
As a result, I have found safety and comfort in “doing.” Whether it’s going to school, maintaining activity at the gym, or simply attempting to keep up with the springing dynamic thoughts in my mind, I am always moving.
I have built a tenuous home in chaotic motion. I suppose, “doing” something all the time grants me some degree of disillusionment from my deepest and darkest fears; mobility serves as a relieving distraction from my ultimate fear of being still. Upon reflection, I suppose that I have equated “being” with nothingness. I am not exactly sure how, when or why that association was made, but somehow my neurons fired enough times to solidify the link between the two concepts.
Is “being” nothingness? If I am still, am I still there?
Stillness.
My mind does not care to respond.
I feel that ever-familiar gulp climbing up my throat; the nervous butterflies in my stomach are beginning to commence their anxious waltz. I am afraid. I don’t want to go there.
As a teenager, I invented drama where there was none. I thrived on intensity. I was never just “unhappy”, I was in painful anguish. I was never simply “satisfied”, I was in exuberant delight! Even ephemeral colds and flu’s seemed like cancer. I lived in great swoops of emotion. Up and down. Down and up. It made me feel something! It was a reminder that I was alive. I fretted that if I were simply “unhappy,” people wouldn’t notice or care. I had to create commotion to attain validation!
Only the stuff of soap operas gains attention, care and concern. Right?
Wrong.
At 19, I met my husband and we began the process of an arranged marriage. Don’t let our current state of contentment fool you. Our first 6 months felt like “misery” to me. In retrospect, I can identify that they were normalized and necessary adjustment points, but, of course, to me, Maham, the soap opera star, they felt like unadulterated agony. For those of you that don’t know, my husband is one of the most stable and satisfied people I have ever met. If I were a leaf blowing around with whichever direction of the wind, my husband was and is a sturdy boulder.
I remember the early parts of our relationship. Oh! I wanted him to love me with urgency and passion. I wanted our relationship to be a fabulous theatrical love story. I wanted all the elements of “The Notebook”, I wanted rage, grief, hope, ecstasy, longing—and I wanted all that every single day, for forever and always. Isn’t that what love is?
Isn’t love chaotic movement? If we are not wanting, longing, fighting and craving, what is left? What is left underneath all of that? Will love still be there? Or will it be nothing?
Do you see a common theme yet?
Once more, my fear of nothingness and stillness peeks its maniacal head out. And to some degree, it always will.
Contentment is unimaginable. Satisfaction is frightening. If our deepest selves are afraid of being still we will find a way to suffer being with another person, regardless of the nobility of their character.
But, here’s a troubling concept to ponder: Have I confused longing with love? Is love characterized by aching, wanting, and craving? Or are those characteristics of fleeting passion?
In terms of fitness, life, and relationships, I find that I, often, long for what I don’t have. I want more. I set goals, and I want to achieve them. After I’ve achieved them, I want to set more goals, and work towards achieving them. Though “wanting” is a necessary motivator for change and growth, is it also the birthplace of dissatisfaction and distress?
There is no rest in “wanting.” Craving does not allow room to foster love and acceptance. It cleverly avoids the existential fear of stillness—of NOT craving, of NOT wanting for things that we don’t have.
So what if we were to step back from our endless cycles of doing and overdoing, and doing again? What if we were to look at all that we do have, and love what we have accomplished thus far? What if we were to look at ourselves as whole beings, without wanting to change a thing—even if its just for a fleeting moment? How would that look like? How would that feel?
Dangerous.
Though my “ups” and “downs” are not as fierce and agonizing as they once were, I still struggle with the idea of stillness. I wrote this post because tonight, at 6:30 pm EST, I am taking my first yoga class after a dry spell of a few months.
Me doing a modified wheel pose at the beach
I ceased my practice, as I became more and more afraid of what the mat brings out in me. It brings out comfort in being, it brings out acceptance for the present moment; it brings out satisfaction and contentment with simply being. But isn’t that exactly what I want?
Yes, and no.
It is exactly what I need. However, parts of me are still frightened of the concept of simply being. What I have learned is that peace and contentment are states of being that require practice. They don’t just come when you graduate college, get to your goal weight, or finish a workout regimen. They don’t magically appear in your new office, your new car, or your new job. They are feelings that require consistent practice to achieve.
I have come a long way since I was a teenager, and though, I still have heaps of room left for improvement, I want to take the time to truly appreciate how far I’ve come. I am thankful for my health, for my legs that can support me from one adventure to the next. I am thankful for my body and my heart; they adapt so beautifully to all the stressful changes life places on them. I am even thankful for my consistently fretting, and worrying mind; its desire to protect me is indomitable and truly admirable! I am thankful for all the little oddities, and imperfections in my soul and appearance. I know that weaknesses are just strengths in the wrong environment.
And, just like that, I’m a little less scared.
Because what if I’m wrong?
What if, behind all that wanting, doing, craving, longing, fighting, dieting, exercising, studying, analyzing, and criticizing, there issomething. Perhaps, behind the endless “doing”, there is EVERYTHING. Perhaps, underneath stillness, there is a place that is truly ALIVE with peaceful satisfying gratitude.
Perhaps, you and I can find endless freedom there.
❤
PS- I would love it if you commented and let me know that I’m not the only one who feels this way or share your biggest fears with me ;P
How do I get lean but small legs? How do I lose stomach fat? What do I eat to lose weight? How do I slim my calves? My quads? How much do you weigh? How many calories do you eat? How many hours do you workout? What types of exercises do you recommend?
Initially, this post was going to consist of me answering your frequently asked questions. However, as I got to thinking about the FAQs from all of you, I was hit with a glaring reality: the most requested blog posts/questions are usually regarding fitness. Getting even more specific, most of the questions within the fitness field are about how to change one’s appearance.
On the surface, this interest seems like admirable curiosity and dedicated ambition to improving oneself, however, the magnitude and fierceness behind the need for fitness “answers” is unsettling. Why is there such FEROCITY behind girls wanting to get rid of that problem spot, or fix their appearance? And do that all in the least amount of time?
Don’t get me wrong! The desire to improve upon oneself is certainly commendable and praiseworthy, however, the panicked INTENSITY behind changing who we CURRENTLY are is troubling and abnormal. I am not trying to isolate the girls who have asked me questions, as I am one of you! I am guilty of doing the same exact thing! I have spent hours upon hours researching how to “slim down bulky quads” or “lose baby fat”, or get rid of acne scars. I am guilty of the same deed. The reason for this post is to address this dangerous and critical epidemic that has infected so many women, including myself.
We have become contaminated with inaccurate information that tells us that we are not good enough. Turn on the TV and look at our commercials. There are ads trying to persuade us to get that cream and cleanser to fix our skin so that we can “gain confidence”; there are companies pushing us to invest in the newest supplements or body wraps so that we can jump-start our weight loss journey; because clearly, there is a scientific correlation between decreasing weight and increased happiness. Right? WRONG.
The entire realm of commercialism invests billions of dollars in attempting to brainwash us into believing that happiness can be bought. If we just had that perfect cream to cure our skin,the perfect supplement to help us lose weight, or the perfect book to change our lives, we would be happy! And, look at our companies. They are bent on trying to convince us that THEY have magically formulated the “perfect” item that is going to give us everything we have ever wanted.
Its absolutely heartbreaking.
It is truly unfortunate to comprehend how deeply these elusive expectations have infected my life. It’s the same sentence OVER AND OVER again, : “I will be good enough when…” …when I get my Ph.d, when the children I don’t even have yet tell me I’m a good mother, when I’m able to complete a marathon, when I have the perfect body, clear skin, etc.
What about now? Why am I not valuable enough to be loved now? I am a work in progress and I will always remain a work in progress. Does that make me invaluable or unlovable?—No, that makes me human.
This brings me back to the numerous questions about fitness—particularly, using fitness to change something that we don’t like about ourselves. We get so stuck in trying to fix what’s wrong with us that we never even stop to figure out why we feel unhappy. What do we not like about ourselves? What makes us unlovable?
We may not like the way we look–we may despise something about our physique or appearance. Some of us may loathe our tendencies–the way we feel, the negative thinking patterns we’ve acquired. Others of us may not be at peace with our behaviors–the things we have done in our lives, the things we may still be doing, the hurt we have caused to ourselves and others. Futhermore, we may be dissatisfed with our circumstances–our career situations, and our relationships.
I get it. It’s not always easy to like yourself. But, when did “being yourself” become such a taboo? Who decreed that we must be in constant competition with one another? So often, I feel as if my life is lost in trying to “conform” to societal norms better than everyone else. Sure, society thinks that helping people is great, but I want to be better than you at making other people feel better. HUH?!?!
And so commences, the dangerously fickle competition.
What if you could love yourself, exactly as you are? Without changing even one thing?
What is holding you back from doing that?
If you really trace it back, it is not the thing you’re bent on changing about yourself. Those muscular quads, the pimples, receding hairlines, odd-shaped noses, the “fat rolls”–these are not the things that are TRULY holding you back. What is, however, holding you back is the self-defeating BELIEF that YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT to be LOVABLE, HAPPY and OKAY.
You don’t.
You can be comfortable with who you are, even if you have imperfections. And even more so, other people can be happy with you too, despite your various imperfections! We are all imperfect. We are all insecure about one thing or the other. Though we may struggle differently, we struggle nonetheless. We know what it feels like to be ashamed, scared of judgement, unhappy, dissatisfied and isolated. Whether we want to be or not, we are connected with one another.
I want us to ACCEPT ourselves exactly as we are. Will you do something with me? Will you aid me in putting a hiatus in the endless cycle of panicked “fixing” “picking” “prodding” “calculating”?
“I love and accept myself exactly as I am, and in doing so, I accept the world and other people exactly as they are.”
Repeat that to yourself, as many times as necessary. Repeat it, even if you don’t believe it yet.
Accept it. You’ve got a lumpy tummy, a big nose, horrible acne, noticeable hyperpigmentation, panic attacks, a stress disorder, a mental illness, a physical illness, thighs that touch, clothes that don’t fit, a list of people you’ve hurt, things that you regret. Accept all of it.
Accept it. And, now, stop looking at it.
It is really the looking, relooking, and oh–that one more look that is killing you. Hush. End it. It is there. Yes, you have an odd-shaped nose. Yes, you are overweight. Yes, your face has pimples. Yes, you really did let that partner get away. Recognize it. See it. And let it be. It is there.
Chances are, it is still going to be there the next 50 times you check too. In conducting this neverending recalculating, looking, remeasuring, and re-analyzing, we all inadvertently MAGNIFY our imperfections and insecurities. Some of us magnify them to the point that when we look in the mirrors that is ALL we see. And, we begin to fearfully fret that THAT is all others see too.
It’s okay. Let them see it.
Accept it all.
It is there.
Let it BE.
And, shift your focus to something else.
By accepting and letting things “be”, you are releasing the WORRY associated with your imperfections, not the imperfection itself. It is all okay. You are not going to become a lazy slug and not get anything done. You are not going to turn into a failing student because you’ve “accepted” that your grades are a certain way. You are not going to gain 300 lbs overnight because you’ve “accepted” that you are currently overweight. You are not going to end up in a mental asylum because you’ve “accepted” that you are currently suffering from clinical depression.
KNOW and BELIEVE that you are going to work from this place. “Rock bottom” is going to become a SOLID and DURABLE foundation to build the rest of your beautiful life upon. You are not going to slip into mediocrity. You don’t have to be uncomfortable with who you are to improve on the person you want to be! Contrary to popular belief, those things are not mutually exclusive. They CAN and DO work together. You CAN be comfortable with what you have, while working towards something better.
You are freaking awesome, but you are going to keep becoming even more awesome-er with each passing day!
God I have so much shame. I am ugly, disgusting, bad, and dirty. I am worthless. I wish I had nothing to do with me. How is it that I am the creator and receptor of all my hate, mistrust and anger! I feel doomed by myself. God! I cannot believe that I am stuck with me forever. This must be what hell feels like. My permanent doom lies in the fact that I’m destined to share residence with this awful, disgusting repellant of my being.
– An old journal entry of mine
Well, there is some truth to the above passage.
Yes. This is exactly what hell feels like.
Ever feel absolutely disgusted with yourself, and then even more repelled by your own thoughts about yourself? Me too.
I want us to go visit that dark, demeaning place of self-hate again. I’m hoping that if we go back together, it won’t be as scary. So will you take my hand, so I won’t be so alone?
Are you ready? 1-2-3-JUMP.
God. I’m burning in this inferno!!! It feels like a million nails are peeling away my burning skin over and over again. Let’s hurry past this layer! I want to go deeper—beyond the self-loathing, because the nauseating abhorrence we feel is actually an illusion. It is a disguise. It is masking the intensely painful feelings of shame and fear that, so often, take over my life–that take over your life.
Oh god. I thought that burning wrathful inferno was the worst zone, but this–god, this is far more painful. Why is there so much darkness? I feel so empty in this desolate, lonely, and ominously silent substratum. I’m absolutely frightened. I’m so thankful that you are by my side.
What is this place? Welcome to fear.
We all set these never-ending goals for ourselves—“if I am able to do this by this date and within this time frame, then, and only then, will I be successful. Then, and only then will I love, and accept myself.” I must be __________________ (fill in the blank). I must be a successfully certified counselor; I must get all A’s this semester; I must eat 800 calories a day; I must lose this amount of weight in 3 weeks; I must be able to graduate medical school at the top of my class; My thighs must not touch; I must friends with the “popular” kids; I must be able to speak in public without getting nervous. I must be able to wrestle with a shark in the deepest part of the ocean, while I’m drowning, and still WIN. Might as well add that one on the list, right?
We put so much pressure on ourselves, and then, we wonder why we feel overworked, exhausted, and overwhelmed. And the most confusing part of all? We still don’t see results. “Wait, wait, wait. So why the heck are we not achieving our goals even though we are working so damn hard!?”
When we don’t “reach” our goals, we swiftly move onto more planning, goal-setting– more calculating. We take out our whips and try to beat some motivation into ourselves—hoping, that this time, it will be different. Yes, yes. This time we will finally get what we desire.
“I’m gonna make it, because this time, I will accept no failure!” we assertively swear to ourselves!
How motivating.
In actuality, what’s happening, there, is a foolproof, surefire way to get yourself to fail, yet again. Seriously, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been through that cycle. I’m guessing a lot of you have too.
As we cruelly “goal-set”, we simultaneously give ourselves a debilitating subconscious message: “you MUST do this, and if you don’t do it, YOU are a FAILURE.”
Can you imagine trying to operate under such an overbearing presence? We place crippling, paralyzing pressure on ourselves; we try to cheat ourselves out self-love.
“Shut up, Maham! Nobody’s got time to sit in a cave and work on cultivating self-love. Okay? I have stuff to do. Don’t you get it? I have to lose this weight before my wedding/before summer/before the world ends.”
I hear you. So, we return to our least favorite, but oh-so-familiar statement.
I will love myself when_________
Don’t you see, my sweet friend? We are all stuck in trying to accomplish our life goals in reverse order! And, it never works out. You know this. You’ve experienced this. It’s like trying to build a skyscraper, without taking the time to establish a proper and durable foundation. Would you like to test climb that building? Yeah, me neither.
So, we whip ourselves into getting back up, and we try again—only to fall harder and further this time. “OMG! I AM SUCH A FAILURE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!? All these other people can accomplish the same thing in 0.00002 minutes and I haven’t been able to do it in a freaking year!”
We are back in that familiar raging inferno of self-hate. Hey, at least it’s better than that dark fearful layer under it right?
Sweetheart, you’ll be back there again too. It’s a vicious cycle.
We don’t see results that we want–>we panic–> so we put even more pressure on ourselves–> which leads us to fail harder–>the results are still nowhere to be seen.
How’s that working out for you?
I’m not mocking you, or looking down on you in any way. I’m not even asking you to become “less uncomfortable” with where you’re at. I know where you’re at; it is really hard. It is gruelingly painful. It may be sucking the very “life” out of your life. I understand because I’ve been there too; I know shame like the back of my hand. I know what it feels like to be in a place where you’re unable to give or receive love; it is impossible to believe people when they say nice things about you because you are so isolated and ashamed.
What if we try something different? What if we attempt to operate from a place of loving and positive motivation? What if, instead of brutally bludgeoning ourselves for everything we “do wrong”, we make a commitment to appreciate, and pat ourselves on the back for “the few things” we do “right?”
Will that lead to a better chance for success? Will that cause less suffering for you? And for others? I can’t answer those questions for you. I guess you’ll just have to see. I can tell you, however, that trying this changed my life.
Are you willing to give this a chance?
ACTIVITY: Think of a goal that you haven’t been able to achieve because you’ve been trapped in the self-hating and fearful cycle we just talked about. Got it? Okay. Now, I want you to commit to writing down 5 things you do “right”, in terms of achieving that goal, every single day. It does not matter how small or big those things are; all that matters is that you physically record them on a sheet of paper, or on a computer. Do this for 10 days and comment below to tell me about your experience ❤
Alright, so we all have those days or periods of time where we veer off track–this may be in terms of school work, fitness regimens, or keeping up with close connections. Today, I want to talk about getting off track in terms of fitness. We may have days of “bad eating” or skipping workouts. This is expected, normal and part of the process.
Labeling food as “good” or “bad” or “healthy”/ “unhealthy” is a sure way to get trapped in the all-or-nothing perfectionist mentality society promotes. The truth lies in moderation and balance; just like you don’t get “fit” from eating one salad and doing one workout, you will not get “unfit” from eating one “bad” meal or skipping one workout.
The “all-or-nothing” philosophy makes people feel horrible if they think they made a ‘bad’ choice. I’ve heard tons of women say : “I ate _____! God, I am so bad.” Though I agree that some amount of “food guilt” is natural, I strongly believe that a lot of us end up feeling much worse than just the normal “little bit.”
So many of us let “food guilt” spiral into food shame. “I am a bad person for eating that.” “I am a failure because I didn’t go to the gym.” “God, I suck. I can’t keep food out of my mouth. How am I ever going to look like that?” Food choices don’t make you a bad person – but that is how many people, especially women, talk to themselves. We have to be very careful with “food guilt” as it can quickly become disordered and debilitating.
So, let’s ditch the shame, and…get back on track!
My Tips for Getting Back on Track
1. Meal plan! Let’s get some accountability up in here! Plan what you are going to eat, and go grocery shopping! If you only have healthful food in the house, you will only eat healthful food.
2. Is there a certain food that’s been tripping your diet up? Let’s have a mini-lent. Give up something that’s been screwing up your diet for 10 days. This is not about restriction. This is about regaining confidence in your ability to choose. You are not helpless. You are powerful!
3. While you are out grocery shopping, get yourself a huge gallon/water bottles of spring water. H20 is going to become your best friend! Drinking water aids in removing toxins from the body, which will be necessary if you’ve had a particularly rough binge period. It also helps in hydrating, elevating mood, and reducing the number on the scales by preventing water retention!
4. Let’s get some zZzZzZz’s! Try to be in bed earlier and attain more sleep so that you can feel well-rested, and ready to tackle on the new week! Getting 7-8 hrs of sleep/night has been linked to a reduction in overall BMI and weight ❤
5. Plan your workouts! Make a little chart for the week, and know which workout you are going to be doing on what day 🙂 Take out your markers, stickers, and make it beautiful! Hang it up 🙂 Put it in your workout binder. Try to make this as specific as possible.
6. Remember to congratulate yourself/give yourself compliments each time you abide by your meal plan/workout plan! A little positive reinforcement goes a long way. I promise. Before each planned meal/workout, whisper to yourself: “I am actively choosing to abide by the plan I have made.” Once you are finished with your planned meal/planned workout, whisper to yourself once more: “Yay! I did it! I knew I was strong enough to do this!”
7. Avoid weighing yourself, or doing any sort of progress “tests” till after getting back on track. You do not need to assess the damage to fix it. Please please please veer away from measuring yourself, trying on that skinny pair of jeans in your closet, or taking progress pictures. If you have had a particularly rough eating period, your body may be holding onto water weight. Common “binge foods” are usually really high in sodium or sugar which both contribute to water retention. You do not need the scale to make you feel worse about yourself than you already do.
8. Take a yoga class. If you cannot afford a yoga class, or if you do not have access to local yoga studios offering classes, visit youtube. Search some meditative yin-yoga or vinyasa flow yoga. Try to do this for at least 20-60 minutes, and remember to focus on your breath. “By its very nature, the breath is not graspable; there is nothing at all to hold on to. Our breath, therefore, provides an immediate connection with impermanence as we experience it by continually arising and dissolving back into space. Using the breath as the object of meditation introduces us to the fundamental groundlessness of life. It allows us to experience letting go.”
9. Buy a “get well soon” card for yourself, and write yourself a letter. In the card, speak to yourself as if you were speaking to a best friend. Explain that you understand that you have been going through a hard time, and that you also acknowledge how down you may be feeling. At the same time, however, remind yourself of the immense courage that lies within you. If you don’t feel that you are ready to do this activity for yourself, buy a few “I’m thinking of you” cards and write thoughtful letters to a few close friends letting them know that you are thinking of them. Kindness has a way of accidentally spilling happiness into any circumstance!
10. This one is my favorite! POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS! ❤ Make a vision board of yummy positive affirmations that help you feel good, and remind you to be gentle with yourself. If you are short on time, just create a folder on your laptop, and download pictures from the Internet that remind you to forgive yourself. I am going to post a few from my own folder to get you started ❤
FAVORITE! Seriously, say this to yourself, over and over and over and over and over again! Okay. Now say it one more time. So important!
Forgiveness is so powerful! It is the quality of leaders!
Remember that in order to be all the “good things”, you have to go through the bad things. This rough time means that you’re one step closer to being more AWESOME!
This one always makes me smile! Imagine the freedom baby! Do you want to be free? I know I do!
Seriously. How well has hating yourself been working out for you? Einstein said that “insanity” is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Let’s not be insane and try something different 🙂
This one is a good one to remember in terms of whatever you’re going through! All the “not-so-good” feelings are just a precursor to MAGIC!
So true! The only diet that will ever work will be one that includes self-love.
A quick and easy affirmation to lead each day with!
Think of your favorite fitness guru. They are pretty freaking awesome right? Well, guess what? They are made up of the same magical stuff that you are.
Forgiveness is a beautiful thing!
Are you going to act out of fear or love today?
This is a good old simple reminder to all of us. This is not our first mistake. This will not be our last one either. We are young, and we are all children of the universe. We are going to screw up…a lot.
No one has the right to make you feel worthless. Not even you.
If you are really deep in shame, and the preceding pictures were unable to help you, then I know one thing for sure. You are ready to get past this hell of a period. Are you ready to leave it all behind? Well guess what you have to do? FORGIVE YOURSELF.
This one is going to work for everyone. If you cannot seem to forgive yourself, regardless of what you say or do. Do this: Accept that you cannot forgive yourself, and FORGIVE yourself for not being able to forgive yourself. You are free.
Here’s a little background on my journey. Prior to getting married, I had always been in the 110-115 lb range at my near 5’5 frame. I was living at home, eating home-cooked food, and consequently, had some regularity in my meals and, therefore, my weight.
Pre-marriage picture
Recent picture in the same outfit (different jean size of course)
After getting married and moving to a bigger city, I was introduced to drive-thru krispy kreme’s and smoothie places. Needless to say, it was lust at first sight.
My wedding day ❤
Another thing working against me was that I did not know how to cook especially well; this meant going out to eat a lot. And, frankly, come on! I moved to New Orleans- the city of Cajun friend food! So, I ate. And I ate. And I ate.
A few months after getting married, I went back to my hometown and started getting a few remarks about how “chubby” I had gotten. This was a new thing for me, as my whole life, I had never been told that I was “chunky” or “chubby.” I became especially self-conscious, and decided to step on a scale for the first time in months. 131 lbs stared back at me. I had gained 15-20 lbs in just three months! WHAT????????
Me at my heaviest
Yeah, Okay! I know that’s not overweight. I realize that its not “too much.” But, I didn’t like the way I looked, and more so, I didn’t like the way I felt. So, I set out to make a few changes.
Over the next year, I went from 131 lbs to a fragile 96 lbs. I didn’t realize that I had plummeted to such an unhealthy weight range, until I visited my primary care physician for my annual check up. I was unaware of my weight loss, because I had stopped weighing myself. I was only tracking my progress based on measurements and the way my clothes fit.
Me at 96 lbs
Another picture of me at 96 lbs
Needless to say, after that doctors visit, I kinda freaked out. (shoutout to my patient husband, who picked me up and calmed my bawling self down 😉 ). I, then, set out to return to a state of balance, remaining careful in my journey, as I wanted to gain the weight back in muscle mass. I did not want to pack on lbs of fat as I had done before. Consequently, I added weight training into my predominantly cardio regimen, and began to incorporate more protein sources into my diet. I steadily gained muscle over the course of the next 6 months.
This brings us to current times :). I haven’t weighed myself in a few months. However, the last time I was keeping track, my weight seemed to stay between 104-108 lbs (this was in late April 2014). I don’t like weighing myself anymore, as that is a slippery slope for someone like me, who tends to get trapped in the “perfectionism” cycle easily.
Notice that my pre-wedding weight was around 110-115 lbs; this is close to the 104-108 lb range I was in a few months ago.
Look at how different the recent pictures look from the very first pictures in this post. That should be a testament to the fact that weight isn’t everything. 110 lbs of predominantly muscle looks starkly different from 110 lbs of predominantly fat.
Recent picture
Recent picture #2
I wasn’t always able to jump around from bench to bench like a lemur. I wasn’t always able to do pushups, or chin ups. I was not always able to run for an hour. So what is my secret? What did I do? Well, read on!
Change #1
I cut out almost 60% of refined, processed WHITE carbohydrates. This was probably one of the biggest, and initially one of the HARDEST changes I made. Don’t you love how those two things usually go together? Anyway, I stopped eating white rice, white bread, doughnuts, cookies, etc. Please note that this did not happen overnight. I did not go “cold-turkey” or shift to an all-or-nothing sort of mindset. In fact, I am munching on Lorna Doone shortbread cookies as I write this. PS- they are delicious.
Personally speaking, I do not think quitting something entirely is sustainable, or even “healthy”. It may be more healthful for the body, however, I don’t see this restrictive type of thinking as beneficial to the mind. As someone who already struggles with perfectionism, it is extremely important for me to steer away from the “nevers”,”always” and “forevers”; It is truly a minute-to-minute struggle to remind myself to live in moderation.
Anyway, I simply began to reduce my intake of “white carbohydrates.” I remember that, at first, I replaced them with brown rice and wheat bread. As time went on, I replaced the brown rice with quinoa and I actually stopped craving bread altogether. If I had to choose, most of my weight reduction was a result of this change.
Change #2
The first “excercise tool” I purchased was not some fancy sportswatch; instead, it was a $5 pedometer. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is, it is a simple tool that counts the steps you take each day. I began by tracking how many steps I walk in a typical day, and started to increase that number the next day. So, each day I was walking more than the day before. The key to this is holding yourself accountable. I remember that some days,I had to drag myself out of bed to go walk around the house one more time, so that the number of steps I took was at least 1 step greater than the day before. Since this was an active goal, it inadvertently led me to park further in parking lots and to take the stairs instead of the elevator.
Change #3
I started a food journal! I started recording the calories in the foods I was eating. Since weight loss, at its basis, results from a caloric deficit (taking in less than you burn), food logging was very helpful. Now, I do have to say that this can easily become obsessive, so I have a tip for you. I want you to to start thinking of caloric deficits on a weekly instead of daily basis. How many calories are you eating per week? How many calories are you burning per week? After you’ve answered these questions, try to create a deficit of at 1300-2500 calories in the number every proceeding week. Continue this, till you have reached your target body type. The reason I recommend doing this on a weekly basis is for enhanced sustainability. It becomes really hard not to beat yourself about having a “bad day” if you focus too much on daily calories. There will be days where you eat more. There will be days where you eat less. Consequently, it is more sustainable and healthy to assess your nutrition progress weekly.
Change #4
Oh this is going to be a kicker for so many of you–guess what? I stopped weighing myself. Take your measuring tapes, and cameras out, and throw your scale out the window (don’t do this if you live on the 2nd or 3rd floor lol). Weigh-ins can become really depleting, and may lead you to feel dejected. Sustainable weight loss is slow. The reason I said “sustainable” is because people can starve themselves for a few weeks, and drop tons of weight, however, once they start re-feeding, the gains will be back. True, lasting, weight loss is slow and steady, especially if you are trying to maintain it. If you weigh yourself, and don’t see that “magical number” we all create in our heads, it can become sadly easy to give up, and return to old habits.
Change #5
Only after making the above-mentioned changes, did I get a membership to the gym, and make any active attempts towards exercising. The first exercise program I ever tried in attempt to lose weight was Sean T’s Insanity. Yes, I did lose weight on it, however, it is an extremely challenging fitness program. I felt like I was going to die during the WARMUP. I finished Sean T’s insanity, and joined the local gym. There, I began to walk on the treadmill for an hour a day. This also assisted in further weight loss. As I felt more comfortable , I started venturing out to the elliptical machines, and began to take spin classes. These were all very helpful. I will say this, however: if you decide to take spin classes, please be careful about raising the resistance too high, as this may cause your quads/thighs to bulk up.
Important Point: Long-duration cardio (>25 minutes) is going to be your main arsenal when it comes to weight loss. This is predominantly all I did when I first started my fitness journey. The thing with cardio is that it will initiate you losing “weight”; this means that you’re going to be losing fat but also some muscle.
Important Point: Spot reduction is not possible. We cannot say: “doughnuts go to my butt, and cardio, subtract from my belly.” It simply does not work that way. When the body loses weight, it loses weight evenly. You can do ab excercises all day and night, and have a 6-pack. You will not be able to see that 6 pack, unless you employ cardio to help decrease the layer of adipose tissue, or fat, that covers that muscle group.
Change #6
My heaviest “carb” meal, to this day, is still breakfast, or my “pre-workout meal”. This way, I utilize most of the food that I eat throughout the day. For dinner, I have mostly protein and vegetables. I don’t need heavy carbs during the night, as my activity level is going to be low.
Change #7
Portion sizing goes a long way! Simply reduce the portions you take- even if it is just by a little bit. Subtracting a ton of “little bits” eventually add up to a lot of weight loss. Rule of thumb: the amount of grainy carbs you eat in one meal should be, at max, the size of one fist.
Change #8
Alright, alright. Warning! if you are a healthnut reading this, you are not going to like this change. When I first started on my fitness journey, I started “replacing” foods solely based on the caloric value. I didn’t care if the replacement was all natural, organic, vegan, gluten free etc. Since my initial goal was weight loss, I was only concerned about taking in a lower amount of calories. Consequently, I started replacing normal cookies with 100-calorie Lorna doone packets or 90 calorie special k cereal bars. I started replacing whole milk with unsweetened almond milk. I replaced sugar with stevia, and white bread with low calorie multigrain crackers. I’ve gotten more health-oriented now, however, this post is not about me now, it is about when I first started.
So, here you go. This highly-requested blog post is almost done. I haven’t told you guys my #1 secret though.
So, here goes: There is no way that I would have been able to do this if I had come from a place of extreme self-loathing. It is one thing to WANT to change; it is another thing to hate yourself through the whole journey.
You will NEVER be able to accomplish anything if your motivation is from a hateful, critical place. It is not sustainable. How far can a horse run if you keep whipping it harshly across the back? It may run faster, at first, out of fear and shock. In the long run, however, it will slow down, and eventually, fall to the crippling pressure. So, please, don’t set yourself up for failure.
Believe it or not, it wasn’t till relatively recently, that I began to develop close relationships with my female counterparts. For most of my life, I have had little to no close female-friends. I suppose it was because the vicious threads of jealousy, competition and hurtful gossip fueled my apprehension in engaging with the most beautiful, majestic creatures that have ever lived on this planet. That’s right. I’m talking about you, girls.
Before I speak about my loving admiration for womanhood, let me first address one of my favorite concepts in the history of EVER. You may be familiar with the “yin-yang” symbol that became nascent in ancient Eastern philosophy.
The concept asserts that the world maintains a state of balance–or homeostasis–through equal and opposite forces. For night there is day, for winter there is summer, for man, there is woman. On the surface, it is easy to look at these two forces as antagonistic. It may seem as if they are working against each other in an attempt to cancel one another out. However, if you look a little more closely, you’ll find that is not the case at all. Life is consistently wobbling upon the pulls of complementary forces. These serve to balance, instead of cancel the effects of the other. They work together, in perfect, synchronized harmony. How does this all relate to my overflowing love for women?
So many of the problems we face in our contemporary world are a result of an unbalanced feminine:masculine power schema. Globally speaking, there is an eminent lack of kind, gentle, feminine energy to balance out the strong, assertive masculinity that’s running this world amuck. Countries have become engrossed in asserting power over one another via aggressive, oppressive, and often, violent means.
You know that the world has become a sad place to live in when “stop acting like a girl!” has become an insult. What is so wrong with being a girl? What is so wrong with FEELING, and being sensitive? Feeling is powerful. If more of us felt things for each other, and for the world, there would be a marked reduction in violent hurtful energy that are so evident today. As women, we feel things. We are nurturing, caring, loving creatures. This does not make us stronger or weaker than males; it simply means that we are differently powerful. Like the yin-yang concept dictates, we are complementary powers–equal and opposite in magnitude; when we are in “perfect” union, our forces contribute to the serene harmonious balance that is otherwise, so common to nature.
Being a girl is AWESOME! I can’t even verbalize how deeply loved and supported I feel by my female friends and followers. Womanhood is such a relentless force to be reckoned with. It is so immensely powerful in the gentlest of ways. We have so much strength and influence over one another. Just like us girls can tear one another down, if we allow ourselves be true to our core, we can empower and heal one another like NOTHING AND NOBODY else. We can provide for one another the love, support, and friendship that NO MAN has the capability of EVER giving us. Together, we can form an indomitable sisterhood.
My sweet sisters, my beautiful other halves– your kind beautiful compassionate words and gestures feel like cool pitter patter of rain drops all over my heart. You are downright remarkable. There is no other way of saying it. I am so continually inspired by you and you and you and you. I feel so blessed to know such profound greatness. The nurturing tenderness, love and compassion you exude into the world are nothing sort of revolutionary. You give so much more than you ever take, my selfless goddess. You walk on this earth with the such gentle grace–never stomping on the ground because you FEEL. You feel that you are connected to it, and it to you. Your undeniable presence is so magnetic and charismatic, drawing in those who don’t know you yet. You walk around with that cute little side-smile because you KNOW. You’ve discovered the most sought after truth! You know why we are here, on this earth. You know, because you, my love, are the very definition of why we’re here– altruism.
Don’t sell yourself short. You are the reason God has not given up in the world yet.
So, here’s to those of us who get our hearts broken by the slightest of winds–to those of us who let happiness take our spirits past the highest heavens. Here’s to those of us who, despite all the adversity, wake up each day with the same childlike hopeful attitude towards the world. Society may try to convince us that we are “weak” or “stupid”, or my ever-favorite: “naive”, but we know the tremendous courage that comes from CHOOSING not to let the world make you hard. Here’s to all of us who never had enough “commonsense” to give up, once and for all, after each consecutive fall. Here’s to those of us who over-think and overanalyze, to those who FEEL intensely and immensely. Because at the end of the day, we are the ones who are ALIVE amongst a sea of people who have passively chosen to exist.
My kindhearted, soul sisters, will you join in me in my journey?
If we help one another achieve our potential, we are inevitably going to leave the most honest and kind footprint on Earth’s journey.
There is a slight catch, however.
In order to help others tap into and utilize their potential, we need to gain greater accessibility to our own. This can only be attained through spending dedicated time with ourselves. We must have courage to look within. We must observe and get deeply intimate with our truest selves by means of the most raw, unrefined honesty. Only then, can we begin to help eachother in fulfilling the greater altruisitic unifying purpose. We are all stuck in trying to change the world, but what if to change the world, we must begin by changing ourselves?
My lovely lioness, you must spend time getting to know the immortal, enlightened truth within you. You must discover, and rejoice in the beauty is so inherent to your very being.
That is the only way.
We must be our own before we can ever be another’s. We must cultivate the capacity to love ourselves so wholly and so deeply. That is the only way we will be able to extend the same boundless love to this much-needing world. Our purpose is far too great to waste any more precious time in forsaking, hating, and disassociating from ourselves and each other.In a world full of uncertainty, there is one thing that I know for sure. I wholeheartedly promise you that we are absolutely magical.
Yeah. Yeah. We hear it all the time. A part of us may even register that when we get down to the literal aspect of things, we really are all we have. We are the ones who inhale the oxygen, break down food into usable energy, and use water to sustain our literal lives.
Let’s change one word in the above mentioned statement.
How about “you’re all you NEED”?
Like me, some of you may agree with that statement. I mean, I KNOW that it’s true. I think most of us do. But, how many of us can say that we truly, without a doubt, BELIEVE that we are all we need?– that we possess all the resources, connections, and tools we need to, not just, survive but to create a fulfilling and meaningful life?
Do you believe it? Would you like to believe it?
How ironic is it that in the most significant moments of our lives, we are alone? When we come out of our mothers womb, we are alone. When we are faced with death, we are alone. We came into this world with no one, and we will leave with no one.
What if we truly are strong enough to deal with life? And not just deal with it–but really mold a colorful, and beautiful one?
I think that if we truly believed that we are all we really need—that we are enough, there would be much less fear in the world. Violence, hatred, envy, harm—these are all sons and daughters of fear.
On a global level, fear has been masked as tyranny and terrorism. We only feel the need to oppress other beings because we feel threatened. We “need” to create a hierarchy so that we can establish that “I am stronger/higher/smarter/better than you.” But, why would we need to assert our control over others if we believed that we were enough, by ourselves?
On a more individual level, fear has refracted into countless rays: addictions, abuse, depression, self-harm, eating disorders. You name it. Why would we need to turn to alcohol, drugs, food, other people, and other things if we, 100%, believed that we were enough—that everything we needed to create a meaningful and satisfying life was already within us?
I really want us to think about that statement. What if all the things we have ever wanted and have been within us this since the day we were born? Entertain this thought with me, for a second.
If that was truly the case, the first change we would see within individuals, within families, and consequently, within the world would be a reduction in fear. There would be markedly less frantic, fearful, hasty energy demolishing Mother Earth.
Imagine how it would feel to really believe that… to believe that you are all you need. You are enough.
In fact, I want all of you to do something silly with me.
I want all of you to scream “hello”, loud inside your head. Let it ring inside of you.
“H-E-L-L-O-!”
Notice, that there are two different presences inside of you. There is a voice that bellowed “hello”, and there was a different presence that, simultaneously, heard the “hello.”
There was a voice that spoke, and there was a voice that listened.
So often, the only voice we hear is the loud one–the one that speaks, barks, criticizes, ridicules, judges. What about the other voice? The one that isn’t as charged? The one that resides in the deepest part of us, and simply observes.
I want to share something with you, girls. I wrote a letter for you. From you to you. From me to me.
I want for the wise voice within you that listens to say these words to the frightened, panicked voice that, so often, speaks.
I know. I hear you. I know it feels like the world is going to crumble sometimes. I’m hearing your panic. I’m hearing your voice. No one is ignoring you. I’m here. It is going to be okay. I know that a part of you is petrified. And, I so, wholeheartedly appreciate and honor that part. Look at how brilliantly resilient you are! Look at you throwing these resourceful solutions to me about turning to alcohol, or drugs, or food, or other addictions. I don’t hate you for saying those things. I don’t think you’re bad for saying them.
Instead, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for trying to protect me. I want to thank you for sensing that I’m scared, and I want to thank you for trying to resolve the fear in ways that we’ve previously dealt with it. But angel, I need you to hear me when I say that it’s safe. You are okay. You are going to be loved and accepted. You already are. You deserve to be cared for, to be loved, and valued. And I am here to take care of you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you. Nothing you can/will do is going to make me turn away from you this time.
I realize that its going to take you a little bit of time to realize that I am here to stay. But I am no longer going to ignore you, or push you into the dark. I am not going to beat your bones till they are broken, or mentally annihilate you. You are and never were bad, wrong, or not enough. Deep down, I know that all you’ve ever wanted was to feel okay—to feel loved, accepted and cared for.
You want to feel like you have a home. You want to be accepted, understood, and valued for just being you, at this moment in time—no expectations, no strings attached. There will be no more: “I love you when’s…” You are enough, now. And no matter how scary that is, I want you to know that I am working on accepting and loving you the way you desire.
I am making the choice to take care of you, and to honor you. You may not have received that essential love, approval, and value when you were only a child. But you grew up. I grew up. A part of me is capable of helping you now—for giving you all that you have ever wanted.
I’ll need your help. Will you help me, sweetheart?
I’m not asking for you to discard your fears, or your concerns about being alone. Being isolated, alone, and abandoned are really scary things. I am not asking you to throw away your apprehensions, because I know that this situation is unfamiliar. For so long, I have pushed you away; this fearful relationship between us is what has kept us functioning. This is how you survived. This is how WE survived. But I am imploring with you to allow me to reach out to you now. I’m asking your permission to let me in.
I am not your best friend who betrayed you. I am not your mother who abused you. I am not the boyfriend who cheated on you. I am none of those people that hurt you in the past. I know that I may have pushed you away, but I want you to know that it was NEVER because I wanted to hurt you. It was never because I thought not you were bad, unworthy or unlovable. It was and has always been about me being scared too. I pushed you away because the intensity with which you need me scares me.
I don’t know how to handle the loneliness you feel. I am afraid that I won’t be able to be enough for you—that I’ll fail you.
I know it’s a risk. It’s a really scary thought to think that, together, we can make it. But if you give me a chance, I am willing to understand and try to be what you need. I will not let you down. I will fight for you.
I’m here now, telling you that you deserve to be happy. You deserve to live wholly and fully. I realize that you’re scared to hope, because a lot has been taken away from you. It’s been really hard. You’ve had to shut off so many parts of yourself to make it this far.
I’m so thankful to you for allowing me to feel your pain. I honor your apprehension but I see the immense courage that you already have. I’m so amazed at your strength. Your will to survive, and to be heard is incomparably astounding. You never gave up. You may have tried to feel loved, accepted, and cared for in really bizarre and maladaptive ways, but you never gave up. I am so thankful to you for not giving up despite what other people said, or what circumstances brought.
I am most thankful, however, that you did not give up on being heard, despite how cruel I was to you. I know that I am not perfect, but I am willing to try. I am here to tell you that I am willing to try to accept you, to love you, and to show you, that together, we are enough. We are all we’ve got, and we are all we need.
You spend all of this time looking up workouts for a “lean, slender body.” Hours and hours on the Internet and social media leave you nothing but more confused. One person says do this much cardio; the other person says not to do cardio at all. Weights are key? Avoid weights like a plague? Huh?
In a world full of paradoxical recommendations, the greatest teacher–the greatest personal trainer that will guide you to attain your goal is…-drum roll please-….YOUR body! You can try tons of new things, but nothing– no method, no “perfect work out plan” will let you know how certain exercises and diet affect you like your own body.
The previous statement reminded me of something that one of my esteemed idols, Carl Rogers, said.
“Experience is, for me, the highest authority. The touchstone of validity is my own experience. No other person’s ideas, and none of my own ideas, are as authoritative as my experience. It is to experience that I must return again and again, to discover a closer approximation to truth as it is in the process of becoming in me. Neither the Bible nor the prophets — neither Freud nor research –neither the revelations of God nor man — can take precedence over my own direct experience. My experience is not authoritative because it is infallible. It is the basis of authority because it can always be checked in new primary ways. In this way its frequent error or fallibility is always open to correction.” —From On Becoming a Person, 1961
Do you see any trends in the words that I highlighted? As we truly “grow”, we begin to have more trust in our own experience rather that which is preached “common knowledge.” We, not only, minimize questioning the validity of our own experience, but also begin to appreciate that it is US who possess the strength, fortitude, and resolve to process and move through our respective experiences.
I, consistently, receive questions from innocent minds regarding fitness and “what to do” to obtain a certain body type. This leads me to believe that so many of us, including me, have been guilty of forsaking our bodies as our greatest guides. When we feel that something isn’t working in terms of “fitness”, our default cognitive resort is to blame/criticize and at worst, punish, our bodies. What are we doing wrong?
“WHY isn’t this working for me!?” we cry! “I’ve seen 10,000 transformations of girls all over the world who have had near miraculous results”
Defeated and tired, we return to the same UNDERLYING dejected, dismal self-belief: “there is something wrong with me. I am flawed. I am not like the others. I don’t belong. Therefore, I’m unworthy.”
Honestly, let’s call it for what it is. We feel ASHAMED. According to one of my favorite authors, Brene Brown, “shame is the intensely painful feeling of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. It’s the fear that something failed to do, an ideal that we’ve not lived up to, or a goal that we’ve not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection, love and belonging.”
So what do I do? What do YOU do? Nobody wants to feel this intensely painful feeling.
Humor me, for a second.
By default, you get up the next day. You pick, prod, push, and force your body to the same thing, hoping that if you just FORCE it hard enough, you will become one of those 10,000 positive transformations.
But, you already know that’s not what happens.
You end up getting MORE frustrated when “the damned thing” doesn’t DO what you “tell it to do!” and, Alas! The vicious cycle of self-hate, self-loathing, and isolation continues to menacingly spin round and round; it increases in magnitude each time it spins, so that the next time you feel this way, it can devour you.
I want you to step out of that cycle for a moment. I know where you are. I’ve been there too. I am willing to bet, every single girl living in today’s world has been there at some point.
I know you’re hurting. Come take my hand, sweet girl. Let’s step out of this familiar inferno for a moment.
If we delve a little bit deeper….a little bit more…Ah. There it is! Underneath the superficial layer of frustration & anger, I promise you we will, all, find something far too recognizable.
-Sigh-
We have become afraid of our bodies. I did, and I’m willing to bet that somewhere along the way, you became afraid of your body too. You start feeling paranoid, delusional– that it has somehow, acquired, a mind of its own. And, this mind–it is no friend of yours. In fact, it’s consistently plotting against you; your body is going off on its own vendetta, and destroying all the hard work you’ve put into it. There it is, laughing maniacally at your demise–like a scary clown with razor blades as fingernails. You’re afraid of it. It’s bad and scary.
So, you subconsciously dissociate “yourself” from your body.Your body becomes the “bad, evil villain” and you–you are its noble victim. Countless research has shown that human beings split these two entities, in order to reduce the anxiety and conflict that arise from two irreconcilable experiences. On one hand, you’re working so hard to attain a certain body type, and on the other hand, you’re not getting any results. In fact, if anything, you look “worse” than before you started TRYING!
But, isn’t it ironic though? That even to dissociate yourself from your body, your mind and body must work together to create that very thought! Oh sweet, precious girl, don’t you see? Nothing is working against you. On the contrary, everything is working with you.
You’ve been stuck in this power struggle between the “good” and “bad” parts of yourself; you’ve spent an exhausting amount of energy separating them-attempting to hide the “bad” and radiate only the “good.” Hoping that maybe, just maybe, by isolating your body from your mind, by isolating the “bad” from the “good”, you will attain acceptance, alignment, and most of all, safety. I know this, because I’ve been there too.
Sweet friend of mine, don’t you know that restrictive separation can never lead to wholeness–to fulfillment, to love, to connection, to oneness?
I wonder what would happen if we actually began to LISTEN to and honor our bodies. Because our bodies, they aren’t plotting against us. In fact, they are RELENTLESS in their attempts to try to communicate with us. They create rumbles and grumbles in our stomachs. They speak through delays in bowel movements, through the color of our urine, the ache in our joints and muscles. They express themselves through the antsy shaking of the leg, through our changing levels of energy and lethargy throughout the day. They articulate our stress through the tension held in our shoulders. They shout for joy by means of the adrenaline surge we get when we run (or as I’d like to think of it, when we fly 🙂 ) They yammer via uncontrollable laughter and tummy aches. They whisper in agony through frowns, furrowed brows, tears welling in irises–through the broken pacing of our breath.
So how can the best advice I can give to you, in fitness, and in life be anything other than to TRUST yourself? To trust your body. To trust ALL parts of yourself. Your mind, body and spirit are meant to be in concordant harmony.
You may have forgotten, but let me remind you, that your body was the FIRST thing to ever make a lifelong vow to you. She made this promise before your family, before your friends, before your lovers, and before your mind.
“I, your body, take you to be my partner, to have and to hold you, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. I promise to love and to cherish you, from this day forwards until death do us apart.”
It is your most loyal companion. It is your lioness.
I absolutely love the jump rope. It is the most affordable and convenient workout gadget created in the history of EVER! If I could ever only do one form of cardio, I would choose jump roping!
Why do I love it so much? Well, according to Gray Cook, a Performance athlete, jumping rope is an exercise that is “self-limiting.” So, speak english woman. What does this mean?
It means that, poor technique will truly prevent you from performing the exercise! The rope will catch on your foot; you’ll whip yourself across the shins; you may even trip and fall on your face, but one thing is for sure: poor jumping techniques will NOT be reinforced. The rope will be your teacher. You simply cannot train effectively, if your technique is incorrect.
This brings me to another important point: injury prevention. A few of you have asked me how I’m able to do high intensity training at this frequency without getting an overuse injury? Shin splints? Fractures?Ligament tears?
The thing with injuries is that they are primarily caused by three major things:
1.Overuse.
2.Improper shoes
3.Poor form
So, for #1- I take adequate rest days. I also try to mix up what types of exercises I do when I perform high intensity training. I will not run two consecutive days in a row. If I ran on Monday, let’s say, I’ll do the elliptical on Tuesday, take a rest day on Wednesday, run on Thursday, jump rope on Friday and do the elliptical trainer again on Saturday! This way, I’ll be getting my cardio in, while putting more emphasis on slightly different muscular groups each day!
#2- Improper shoes. Ugh. I cringe when I write about this one, as I got an illiotibial band injury earlier this year, as a RESULT of improper shoe-wear. I couldn’t RUN for 3 months! 😦 (However, on the positive side, I got to discover lots of cool ways of cross training!) After I healed properly, I went to a rad running store where they videotaped me running on a treadmill, analyzed my foot patterns, and informed me that I naturally tend to over-protonate. So, long story short: I got fitted for proper shoes! This leads me to another one of my most frequently asked questions!
What shoes do I wear?
For cross-training and plyometric exercises, I wear the Mizuno wave inspire 10s.
For running, jogging, jumping rope, and walking, I wear Asics Gel Kayano 20s.
#3-Injury prevention. Now, this is where the jump-rope will become your best friend.
Other forms of endurance work such as running, cycling and using the elliptical training can reinforce poor form, without us ever realizing it! There are far too many uncontrollable variables (ie; chest posture, whether or not you’re landing on your toes or your heels, stride length, etc). THIS variability can lead to injuries! Jumping rope, on the other hand, does not ALLOW you to sacrifice technique. If you are able to jump rope for long periods of time, you’re probably doing it “right.”
Alright alright! So you get it. Jumping rope is awesome. You’re sold. Let’s get to the techniques and recommendations!
Material of rope: I recommend a PVC speed rope, with light, and long plastic handles. (Refer to the picture at the beginning of this blog!)
How to choose the rope length: Stand on the center of the cord. The handle tips should reach your armpits. When you jump over the rope, the rope should just brush the floor beneath your feet. If the cord doesn’t touch the floor, the rope is too short. If the cord hits the floor in front of your feet, the rope is too long and should be shortened.
Tips for beginners- Feet
Stand tall with your feet together.
When you jump and land, make sure there is a very slight bend in your knees to prevent locking out and injuries.
Jump like a barbie. Yes, males, you as well! This means you should be jumping like you are wearing 6 inch stilettos. Heels should be lifted, and should NEVER make contact with the ground. Stay on your TIPPY TOES! Land on your tippy toes. Jump from your tippy toes. When in doubt, TIPPY TOES. Got it!?
You should not be jumping mountain height. Okay? Let’s get real. This rope is a few cm’s in width. It really does not need 3 feet to get out from underneath your feet. Optimally, you should only be jumping an 1/8th of an inch off the ground!
If you find that you are “hurting” while you jump, most likely: you are jumping too high or NOT staying on your tippy toes.
Tips for beginners- arms
Keep your forearms not too near, and not too far from you. There should only be a few inches distance between your body and the position of your forearms.
The movement that causes the rope to spin should originate from the WRISTS. Your forearms and upper arms should be, at best, stationary.
❤ INTERESTING FACT ❤
Victoria Secret trainer Michael Olijade Jr. swears by the jump rope to train his angels. So have no fear ladies! Jumping rope will NOT bulk your legs up.
Now, go jump away my little nymphs! I’ll be posting a video on my Instagram page that covers basic jump rope moves that you should start with, and master, prior to jumping around like a fool like me 😉
abidmaham 
