You spend all of this time looking up workouts for a “lean, slender body.” Hours and hours on the Internet and social media leave you nothing but more confused. One person says do this much cardio; the other person says not to do cardio at all. Weights are key? Avoid weights like a plague? Huh?

In a world full of paradoxical recommendations, the greatest teacher–the greatest personal trainer that will guide you to attain your goal is…-drum roll please-….YOUR body! You can try tons of new things, but nothing– no method, no “perfect work out plan” will let you know how certain exercises and diet affect you like your own body.

The previous statement reminded me of something that one of my esteemed idols, Carl Rogers, said.

“Experience is, for me, the highest authority. The touchstone of validity is my own experience. No other person’s ideas, and none of my own ideas, are as authoritative as my experience. It is to experience that I must return again and again, to discover a closer approximation to truth as it is in the process of becoming in me. Neither the Bible nor the prophets — neither Freud nor research –neither the revelations of God nor man — can take precedence over my own direct experience. My experience is not authoritative because it is infallible. It is the basis of authority because it can always be checked in new primary ways. In this way its frequent error or fallibility is always open to correction.” —From On Becoming a Person, 1961

Do you see any trends in the words that I highlighted? As we truly “grow”, we begin to have more trust in our own experience rather that which is preached “common knowledge.” We, not only, minimize questioning the validity of our own experience, but also begin to appreciate that it is US who possess the strength, fortitude, and resolve to process and move through our respective experiences.

I, consistently, receive questions from innocent minds regarding fitness and “what to do” to obtain a certain body type. This leads me to believe that so many of us, including me, have been guilty of forsaking our bodies as our greatest guides. When we feel that something isn’t working in terms of “fitness”,  our default cognitive resort is to blame/criticize and at worst, punish, our bodies. What are we doing wrong?

“WHY isn’t this working for me!?” we cry! “I’ve seen 10,000 transformations of girls all over the world who have had near miraculous results”

Defeated and tired, we return to the same UNDERLYING dejected, dismal self-belief: “there is something wrong with me. I am flawed. I am not like the others. I don’t belong. Therefore, I’m unworthy.”

Honestly, let’s call it for what it is. We feel ASHAMED. According to one of my favorite authors, Brene Brown, “shame is the intensely painful feeling  of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. It’s the fear that something failed to do, an ideal that we’ve not lived up to, or a goal that we’ve not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection, love and belonging.”

So what do I do? What do YOU do? Nobody wants to feel this intensely painful feeling.

Humor me, for a second.

By default, you get up the next day. You pick, prod, push, and force your body to the same thing, hoping that if you just FORCE it hard enough, you will become one of those 10,000 positive transformations.

But, you already know that’s not what happens.

You end up getting MORE frustrated when “the damned thing” doesn’t DO what you “tell it to do!” and, Alas! The vicious cycle of self-hate, self-loathing, and isolation continues to menacingly spin round and round; it increases in magnitude each time it spins, so that the next time you feel this way, it can devour you.

I want you to step out of that cycle for a moment. I know where you are. I’ve been there too. I am willing to bet, every single girl living in today’s world has been there at some point.

I know you’re hurting. Come take my hand, sweet girl. Let’s step out of this familiar inferno for a moment.

If we delve a little bit deeper….a little bit more…Ah. There it is! Underneath the superficial layer of frustration & anger, I promise you we will, all, find something far too recognizable.

-Sigh-

We have become afraid of our bodies. I did, and I’m willing to bet that somewhere along the way, you became afraid of your body too. You start feeling paranoid, delusional– that it has somehow, acquired, a mind of its own. And, this mind–it is no friend of yours. In fact, it’s consistently plotting against you; your body is going off on its own vendetta, and destroying all the hard work you’ve put into it. There it is, laughing maniacally at your demise–like a scary clown with razor blades as fingernails. You’re afraid of it. It’s bad and scary.

So, you subconsciously dissociate “yourself” from your body.Your body becomes the “bad, evil villain” and you–you are its noble victim. Countless research has shown that human beings split these two entities, in order to reduce the anxiety and conflict that arise from two irreconcilable experiences. On one hand, you’re working so hard to attain a certain body type, and on the other hand, you’re not getting any results. In fact, if anything, you look “worse” than before you started TRYING!

But, isn’t it ironic though? That even to dissociate yourself from your body, your mind and body must work together to create that very thought! Oh sweet, precious girl, don’t you see? Nothing is working against you. On the contrary, everything is working with you.

You’ve been stuck in this power struggle between the “good” and “bad” parts of yourself; you’ve spent an exhausting amount of energy separating them-attempting to hide the “bad” and radiate only the “good.” Hoping that maybe, just maybe, by isolating your body from your mind, by isolating the “bad” from the “good”,  you will attain acceptance, alignment, and most of all, safety. I know this, because I’ve been there too.

Sweet friend of mine, don’t you know that restrictive separation can never lead to wholeness–to fulfillment, to love, to connection, to oneness?

I wonder what would happen if we actually began to LISTEN to and honor our bodies. Because our bodies, they aren’t plotting against us. In fact, they are RELENTLESS in their attempts to try to communicate with us. They create rumbles and grumbles in our stomachs. They speak through delays in bowel movements, through the color of our urine, the ache in our joints and muscles. They express themselves through the antsy shaking of the leg, through our changing levels of energy and lethargy throughout the day. They articulate our stress through the tension held in our shoulders. They shout for joy by means of the adrenaline surge we get when we run (or as I’d like to think of it, when we fly 🙂 ) They yammer via uncontrollable laughter and tummy aches. They whisper in agony through frowns, furrowed brows, tears welling in irises–through the broken pacing of our breath.

So how can the best advice I can give to you, in fitness, and in life  be anything other than to TRUST yourself? To trust your body. To trust ALL parts of yourself. Your mind, body and spirit are meant to be in concordant harmony.

You may have forgotten, but let me remind you, that your body was the FIRST thing to ever make a lifelong vow to you. She made this promise before your family, before your friends, before your lovers, and before your mind.

“I, your body, take you to be my partner, to have and to hold you, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. I promise to love and to cherish you, from this day forwards until death do us apart.”

It is your most loyal companion. It is your lioness.