Tag Archives: compassion

My struggles, psychology, Trauma, Uncategorized

Unpacking “Self-compassion”

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Understanding Self-Compassion

“Unpacking WHAT?” I blurted out aloud, years ago. I was in the middle of attending a continuing teaching certification course.

“Unpacking standards,” the speaker repeated, much slower, almost to be clapping out the syllables.

Judging by the blank stare on my early teacher face, she looked up to my Bambi, doe-eyed self, and repeated, once again, “yes–really figuring out how you measure the things we ask you to measure.”

Floored. I was floored. My brain had never thought that far.

We have these objectives–these assessment tools–“points of relativity” from which we are supposed to evaluate humans…in comparison to how they are doing to other humans. 💁‍♀️

Each educator at every level has seen them, heard of them and even had them beat into their nightmares.

Yet so few times do we have John Maxwell type “leaders” who truly take time to explain what these subjectively defined target points mean. In my 8 years of teaching, I’ve seldom had someone really break down what each objective means– into real world, observable, measurable examples I could observe in the classroom.

How am I supposed to know what a 5 year old looks like when they are “applying knowledge of structure and phonics to decode text?” That sentence alone makes my own head explode 🤯

So here is a blog post about unpacking self-compassion.

~Self Compassion: What it is it about?~

Self-compassion, as defined by researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, involves treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you would extend to a loved one in distress. The three core components are:

1. Mindfulness

Observing your feelings without judgment or over-identification.

This is the one with whom I continue to wrestle a challenging relationship with. WE have a lot to learn about one another (which means…I have a lot of surrendering to do #nottodaysatan

2. Common Humanity

Realizing that suffering and imperfection are shared human experiences.

Curiosity is a safer friend to sit with alone; sometimes the daunting intonations of its’ companions, shame and hope, are more arduous to sit with together.

Realizing that suffering and imperfection are shared human experiences.

3. Self-Kindness

Acknowledging your pain with warmth and understanding, rather than criticism.

Self-compassion isn’t self-pity, passivity, or a lack of accountability. Instead, it’s a powerful tool to support “emotional well-being”, especially for individuals processing trauma or working toward healing:

Why Self-Compassion Matters

When life’s challenges become overwhelming (and they will), self-compassion serves, as an anchor. Research shows that compassion-focused practices can reduce anxiety, depression, and feelings of shame, key obstacles for those healing from PTSD or cPTSD. A lack of self-compassion amplifies self-criticism and isolation, leaving many trapped in cycles of guilt or fear. Embracing self-compassion creates a foundation for healing and reconnecting with yourself.

In a fast-paced world that values hustle, achievement, and productivity, self-compassion often takes a backseat. For many—including those dealing with trauma, PTSD, cPTSD, or the aftermath of difficult experiences like assault—

Practicing kindness toward yourself can feel foreign, or even impossible. However, self-compassion is a vital step toward healing and empowerment.

In the next informative blog post, you’ll discover 10 simple yet transformative ways to cultivate self-compassion, backed by mindfulness, presence, and gentle practices you can integrate into everyday life.

Love you always, ALL ways!

IG: @mahamabidtalent

Gratitude Experiment, I ponder about life..., My struggles, Relationships

The Gratitude Experiment: Week 1

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02/11/2016

Today, I’m so grateful for sisterhood. What a blessing it is to be able to call your sister at 11 pm, and have her to confide in, laugh with and cry with. My little sister is absolutely wonderful, and I am absolutely amazed by her ability to help me through a rough day without EVER having talk about the problem. For some reason, a conversation about the specific issues bothering us is never needed. We end up talking about random things, like weird horror characters that can unhinge their jaws and swallow humans whole, and somehow that makes everything better. (I know, you’d be surprised). I’m thankful for friendships and all the love I have in my life, but I simultaneously can attest to the fact that there is no friend like a sister. How lucky I feel that somewhere along the way, God blessed me with her and now, I can call her my friend eternally.

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I’m also surprisingly thankful for moments of loneliness. They have a way of stimulating you to turn inwards, and reflect on what really matters. Somehow, taking a walk alone at midnight in the shivering cold, alone with your thoughts is a really liberating, and empowering experience. You quickly realize that YOU not only are all that you have, but that you are also all that you need and that you are ENOUGH. By spending time with myself, I come to see a transformation from misery in loneliness to enjoyment in solitude; would you imagine that I’m not too awful of a company to have? Yes, my mind can be frantic, and I can be overly sentimental but my intentions are usually pretty noble. And, I think that’s pretty laudable. Perhaps, my own companionship will enrich me beyond measure.

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I’m also really thankful for waking up and finding a warm, friendly, fuzzy Nemo next to me! Seriously, pets are angels disguised in fur! Seeing his sweet face in the middle of the night when I’m awakened by the baby’s kicks is such a soothing experience.

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Continue reading The Gratitude Experiment: Week 1 →

Fitness, Uncategorized

Poochy tummies and big thighs

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 How do I get lean but small legs?  How do I lose stomach fat? What do I eat to lose weight? How do I slim my calves? My quads? How much do you weigh? How many calories do you eat? How many hours do you workout? What types of exercises do you recommend? 

Initially, this post was going to consist of me answering your frequently asked questions. However, as I got to thinking about the FAQs from all of you, I was hit with a glaring reality: the most requested blog posts/questions are usually regarding fitness. Getting even more specific, most of the questions within the fitness field are about how to change one’s appearance. 

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On the surface, this interest seems like admirable curiosity and dedicated ambition to improving oneself, however, the magnitude and fierceness behind the need for fitness “answers” is unsettling. Why is there such FEROCITY behind girls wanting to get rid of that problem spot, or fix their appearance? And do that all in the least amount of time?

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Don’t get me wrong! The desire to improve upon oneself is certainly commendable and praiseworthy, however, the panicked INTENSITY behind changing who we CURRENTLY are is troubling and abnormal. I am not trying to isolate the girls who have asked me questions, as I am one of you! I am guilty of doing the same exact thing! I have spent hours upon hours researching how to “slim down bulky quads” or “lose baby fat”, or get rid of acne scars. I am guilty of the same deed. The reason for this post is to address this dangerous and critical epidemic that has infected so many women, including myself.

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We have become contaminated with inaccurate information that tells us that we are not good enough. Turn on the TV and look at our commercials. There are ads trying to persuade us to get that cream and cleanser to fix our skin so that we can “gain confidence”; there are companies pushing us to invest in the newest supplements or body wraps so that we can jump-start our weight loss journey; because clearly, there is a scientific correlation between decreasing weight and increased happiness. Right? WRONG.

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The entire realm of commercialism invests billions of dollars in attempting to brainwash us into believing that happiness can be bought. If we just had that perfect cream to cure our skin,the perfect supplement to help us lose weight, or the perfect book to change our lives, we would be happy! And, look at our companies. They are bent on trying to convince us that THEY have magically formulated  the “perfect” item that is going to give us everything we have ever wanted. 

Its absolutely heartbreaking. 

It is truly unfortunate to comprehend how deeply these elusive expectations have infected my life. It’s the same sentence OVER AND OVER again, : “I will be good enough when…” …when I get my Ph.d, when the children I don’t even have yet tell me I’m a good mother, when I’m able to complete a marathon, when I have the perfect body, clear skin, etc. 

What about now? Why am I not valuable enough to be loved now? I am a work in progress and I will always remain a work in progress. Does that make me invaluable or unlovable?—No, that makes me human.

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This brings me back to the numerous questions about fitness—particularly, using fitness to change something that we don’t like about ourselves. We get so stuck in trying to fix what’s wrong with us that we never even stop to figure out why we feel unhappy.  What do we not like about ourselves? What makes us unlovable?

We may not like the way we look–we may despise something about our physique or appearance. Some of us may loathe our tendencies–the way we feel, the negative thinking patterns we’ve acquired. Others of us may not be at peace with our behaviors–the things we have done in our lives, the things we may still be doing, the hurt we have caused to ourselves and others. Futhermore, we may be dissatisfed with our circumstances–our career situations, and our relationships. 

I get it. It’s not always easy to like yourself. But, when did “being yourself” become such a taboo? Who decreed that we must be in constant competition with one another? So often, I feel as if my life is lost in trying to “conform” to societal norms better than everyone else. Sure, society thinks that helping people is great, but I want to be better than you at making other people feel better. HUH?!?!

And so commences, the dangerously fickle competition.

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What if you could love yourself, exactly as you are? Without changing even one thing? 

What is holding you back from doing that? 

If you really trace it back, it is not the thing you’re bent on changing about yourself. Those muscular quads, the pimples, receding hairlines, odd-shaped noses, the “fat rolls”–these are not the things that are TRULY holding you back. What is, however, holding you back is the self-defeating BELIEF that YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT to be LOVABLE, HAPPY and OKAY. 

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You don’t.

You can be comfortable with who you are, even if you have imperfections. And even more so, other people can be happy with you too, despite your various imperfections! We are all imperfect. We are all insecure about one thing or the other. Though we may struggle differently, we struggle nonetheless. We know what it feels like to be ashamed, scared of judgement, unhappy, dissatisfied and isolated. Whether we want to be or not, we are connected with one another. 

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I want us to ACCEPT ourselves exactly as we are. Will you do something with me? Will you aid me in putting a hiatus in the endless cycle of panicked “fixing” “picking” “prodding” “calculating”? 

“I love and accept myself exactly as I am, and in doing so, I accept the world and other people exactly as they are.” 

Repeat that to yourself, as many times as necessary. Repeat it, even if you don’t believe it yet. 

Accept it. You’ve got a lumpy tummy, a big nose, horrible acne, noticeable hyperpigmentation, panic attacks, a stress disorder, a mental illness, a physical illness, thighs that touch, clothes that don’t fit, a list of people you’ve hurt, things that you regret. Accept all of it. 

Accept it. And, now, stop looking at it.

It is really the looking, relooking, and oh–that one more look that is killing you. Hush. End it. It is there. Yes, you have an odd-shaped nose. Yes, you are overweight. Yes, your face has pimples. Yes, you really did let that partner get away. Recognize it. See it. And let it be. It is there.

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Chances are, it is still going to be there the next 50 times you check too. In conducting this neverending recalculating, looking, remeasuring, and re-analyzing, we all inadvertently MAGNIFY our imperfections and insecurities. Some of us magnify them to the point that when we look in the mirrors that is ALL we see. And, we begin to fearfully fret that THAT is all others see too. 

It’s okay. Let them see it.

Accept it all.

It is there.

Let it BE.

And, shift your focus to something else.

By accepting and letting things “be”, you are releasing the WORRY associated with your imperfections, not the imperfection itself. It is all okay. You are not going to become a lazy slug and not get anything done. You are not going to turn into a failing student because you’ve “accepted” that your grades are a certain way. You are not going to gain 300 lbs overnight because you’ve “accepted” that you are currently overweight.  You are not going to end up in a mental asylum because you’ve “accepted” that you are currently suffering from clinical depression.

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KNOW and BELIEVE that you are going to work from this place. “Rock bottom” is going to become a SOLID and DURABLE foundation to build the rest of your beautiful life upon. You are not going to slip into mediocrity. You don’t have to be uncomfortable with who you are to improve on the person you want to be! Contrary to popular belief, those things are not mutually exclusive. They CAN and DO work together. You CAN be comfortable with what you have, while working towards something better. 

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You are freaking awesome, but you are going to keep becoming even more awesome-er with each passing day! 

❤