By: Maham Abid
The creaky office felt sterile and cold.
My brimming anxiety grew into something bold.
One more visit down—another notch on the belt,
What’s wrong isn’t always clear to see, but it is deeply felt.
It keeps being suggested that it is “all in my head.”
But if that’s really so, why is my body responding with distress?
I admit I can be neurotic and full of unnecessary fear,
But I’ve lived most of my life with anxiety looming near.
That’s precisely how I identified these new symptoms as severe.
I am no stranger to silently analyzing the absurdity of my worry.
So, how ironic is it that when I finally speak up, I’m dismissed in such a hurry?
Why won’t someone validate the sensations that I feel?
I have no ulterior motive; I just want to heal.
So today, as I sit stiffly in yet another sterile waiting room,
My mind can’t help but wander off to similar memories of gloom.
This doctor, too, shall say that he can’t specify what’s wrong.
And refer me for more poking & prodding–which will only prolong–
–me suffering silently, trying to make sense of what is really going on.
This entire process has felt like crazy-making at its worst,
The constant dismissal of my symptoms feels like a curse.
Is it ungrateful of me to almost hope they find something soon?
So I can finally get some reprieve from the sense of impending doom?
Of course, I don’t want it to be something that doesn’t have a cure.
What I desire is external proof to validate my intuition for sure.
At any point now, another physician will walk in.
He will talk at me in medical jargon that’ll make my head spin.
I know our dear doctors see innumerable patients every day,
but communicating genuine care is not an ethic to be pushed away.
I understand that sometimes answers are complex and hard to find,
But perhaps being transparent with me won’t leave me feeling as resigned.
How is it that the people with the most knowledge of all,
–are the very ones that leave so many feeling unheard and small?
“Something is wrong!”, my intuition cries.
“I’m truly not here based on fabricated lies.”
It is okay for professionals to not have all the answers quite yet,
but empathy and care are traits that no human should forget.
If we continue to view our patients as “just another one”,
We will, carelessly, add more damage to what was already done.
#NotAnotherNotchOnTheBelt
Love you always, all ways
IG: @mahamabidtalent
abidmaham 